Rivqah
May 19, 2011, 09:47 AM
So the story goes like this...
On Christmas Day my boyfriend Jon and I split up; we had been having issues for ages due to him leaving the country to go to Uni... I guess I couldn't handle the thought of him leaving. We had been together for almost 2 years and planning to get engaged, but I broke down on Christmas Day after he repeatedly asked me what was wrong. I lied and told him I didn't have feelings anymore (they were diminished somewhat, but I still felt for him), but I think it was actually because I didn't want to lose him.
For a few months it was fine; I enjoyed my new-found independence, and even though it was tough, I always managed to see the bright side of things. Then in mid-march I was driving by his place of work when I got a glimpse of him... and every since the it's like this giant cloud has been over me. I cry constantly about how cruel it was of my to leave him on Christmas and without warning, and about how weak I was that I couldn't deal with it. I've been contemplating suicide even, just to stop feeling like this. I thought it would pass with time, but it hasn't.
The last time I broke down about it with my family, everyone was shocked that I still felt so bad and told me I 'should be over him by now'. I've had previous boyfriends and break-ups, but never ever anything like this.
Sometimes I think that he wasn't always very understanding; he used to complain when I wouldn't let him hug or cuddle me (I had been molested at 4 and raped at 16), but in my heart of hearts I want him back, stupidly. I don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry this is so long... guess I couldn't stop :/
Rebecca xx
On Christmas Day my boyfriend Jon and I split up; we had been having issues for ages due to him leaving the country to go to Uni... I guess I couldn't handle the thought of him leaving. We had been together for almost 2 years and planning to get engaged, but I broke down on Christmas Day after he repeatedly asked me what was wrong. I lied and told him I didn't have feelings anymore (they were diminished somewhat, but I still felt for him), but I think it was actually because I didn't want to lose him.
For a few months it was fine; I enjoyed my new-found independence, and even though it was tough, I always managed to see the bright side of things. Then in mid-march I was driving by his place of work when I got a glimpse of him... and every since the it's like this giant cloud has been over me. I cry constantly about how cruel it was of my to leave him on Christmas and without warning, and about how weak I was that I couldn't deal with it. I've been contemplating suicide even, just to stop feeling like this. I thought it would pass with time, but it hasn't.
The last time I broke down about it with my family, everyone was shocked that I still felt so bad and told me I 'should be over him by now'. I've had previous boyfriends and break-ups, but never ever anything like this.
Sometimes I think that he wasn't always very understanding; he used to complain when I wouldn't let him hug or cuddle me (I had been molested at 4 and raped at 16), but in my heart of hearts I want him back, stupidly. I don't know what to do anymore.
Sorry this is so long... guess I couldn't stop :/
Rebecca xx