I am going through a divorce, and my x seems to think that since he was a part of my sons life for 6 years and he is now 7 that he can have all the rights to him and not pay child support for him. Because I did have our daughter I was doing a favor by letting him have visitation to my son since he is only willing to pay for one child. Any advice on any of this? He's threatening to take me to court and says I'm being selfish?

This is a question about Family Law. Your husband is NOT entitled to visitation with your son. He is also NOT required to pay child support for the child.

My concern? What effect will withholding the child from the man who raised him have on the child?

Is it in the best interest of the child for your "ex" (who it appears actually isn't your "ex" at this time) to take your daughter for visitation and leave your son behind?

Do I think you are being selfish? Yes, I do.

What possible benefit is there to you to keep your husband and the child he raised apart, to break that bond? If you are thinking of somehow hurting or getting even with your husband you are missing the mark. The one who will be hurt is your son.

And if you are attempting to trade child support for visitation you are 100% legally wrong. In my eyes you are also morally wrong.

I'm sure this isn't going to make you happy but that's my opinion. So many men (and women do it, too) simply walk away. You have a man who WANTS to stay in the child's life and you are putting up barriers.

I hope you reconsider or take a step back and look at this situation.

You are missing what I am saying. He is still getting visitation of my son just none of the perks of being the biological father. I have no intentions of keeping the children apart I know that wouldn't be right. But in a situation where his girlfriend takes my kids to the dr every chance she gets and calls cps on me because she's hate full I do not want him to have the same "standard" rights to my son. Visitation is not a problem. He's getting off this easy doesn't have to pay medical support ever and he got everything in the paper work. Even gets to claim my daughter every other year on his taxes when he barely gives me child support. I do not believe I am being selfish I just wanted to know if anyone has ever delt with this situation and could give me pointers.

MODERATOR'S NOTE: Moved to Family Law

You are missing what i am saying. He is still getting visitation of my son just none of the perks of being the biological father. I have no intentions of keeping the children apart i know that wouldn't be right. but in a situation where his girlfriend takes my kids to the dr every chance she gets and calls cps on me because shes hate full i do not want him to have the same "standard" rights to my son. Visitation is not a problem. hes getting off of this easy doesn't have to pay medical support ever and he got everything in the paper work. Even gets to claim my daughter every other year on his taxes when he barely gives me child support. I do not believe i am being selfish i just wanted to know if anyone has ever delt with this situation and could give me pointers.


No, I didn't miss what you are saying. Your second post added a LOT of info to your first post.

What "perks of a natural father" are you attempting to deny your husband?

He has NO rights to your son, none. His responsibilities to his child (your daughter) and his responsibilities to your child (his son) are two totally different situations. If he got "everything" and you got "nothing" you either did not have an Attorney OR your Attorney did a bad job, indeed.

Whether he gets to claim HIS child (your daughter) on his Income Tax Returns has absolutely nothing to do with his "rights" to YOUR son.

Can he go to Court and argue that it is in the best interest of YOUR son to remain in contact with him? Certainly. What State are you in?

He will not and cannot get custody of YOUR child UNLESS/UNTIL he proves in Court that you are unfit and a danger to the child. In that event he could get guardianship of your son.

You are complaining that your husband does not pay support for YOUR child. Where is the child's father and why isn't he paying support?

No, I didn't miss what you are saying. Your second post added a LOT of info to your first post.

What "perks of a natural father" are you attempting to deny your husband?

He has NO rights to your son, none. His responsibilities to his child (your daughter) and his responsibilities to your child (his son) are two totally different situations. If he got "everything" and you got "nothing" you either did not have an Attorney OR your Attorney did a bad job, indeed.

Whether or not he gets to claim HIS child (your daughter) on his Income Tax Returns has absolutely nothing to do with his "rights" to YOUR son.

Can he go to Court and argue that it is in the best interest of YOUR son to remain in contact with him? Certainly. What State are you in?

He will not and cannot get custody of YOUR child UNLESS/UNTIL he proves in Court that you are unfit and a danger to the child. In that event he could get guardianship of your son.

You are complaining that your husband does not pay support for YOUR child. Where is the child's father and why isn't he paying support?

he wants access to all medical records school records be notified in an emergency the right to tell me when he can and can't have a car when he can or can't join the armed forces when he can get married.. Basicly joint conservator ship over my son
The real father wants nothing to do with my son and that's fine he's not on the certificate I'v located him and he wants nothing to do with him and I want nothing to do with him either. I am in Texas. And no I have a good attorney I just got tired of fighting with his "girlfriend" over a car a grill a t.v. video games and all that. My attorney is the one fighting to not give him rights. I agree with the judge in not separating the kids and I don't want to take that away I just want to know if anyone has dealt with this.
Do they have an x that's not the biological father trying to get paternal rights?
Hes going to have fun if he tries to prove me unfit.. I've had a great job for the last 6 years I'm drug free and only drink when its not my weekend to be with the kids.

he wants access to all medical records school records be notified in an emergency the right to tell me when he can and can't have a car when he can or can't join the armed forces when he can get married..Basicly joint conservator ship over my son
The real father wants nothing to do with my son and that's fine hes not on the certificate i'v located him and he wants nothing to do with him and i want nothing to do with him either. I am in Texas. And no i have a good attorney i just got tired of fighting with his "girlfriend" over a car a grill a t.v. video games and all that. my attorney is the one fighting to not give him rights. I agree with the judge in not separating the kids and i don't want to take that away i just want to know if anyone has dealt with this.
Do they have an x that's not the biological father trying to get paternal rights?
Hes gonna have fun if he tries to prove me unfit.. ive had a great job for the last 6 years im drug free and only drink when its not my weekend to be with the kids.

Honestly, I think this thread was improperly moved and doesn't belong on the Family Law board. It seems you're looking more for someone who can relate to what you're going through, rather than trying to get legal advice for the situation - is that correct?

If I'm wrong, please state your question more clearly without all the extra info(what his girlfriend is doing/not doing, etc.)

You say your attorney is fighting to not give him rights, but guess what? Your attorney is representing YOU. If YOU think he should have rights, then tell your attorney to back off - if you think he should NOT have rights, then keep fighting but don't tell us you agree that "the children shouldn't be separated" because that's contradictory.

No I'm seeing if anyone has gone through this that can offer legal advice. I've read divorce and law books and I can't find anything in them.. I don't need anyone to relate to me was looking for some one that has gone through it and has information as to what could possibly happen. Or what they think a judge would agree to.

no i'm seeing if anyone has gone through this that can offer legal advice. i've read divorce and law books and i can't find anything in them .. i don't need anyone to relate to me was looking for some one that has gone through it and has information as to what could possibly happen. or what they think a judge would agree to.

This is definitely an odd situation. Typically, a "stepparent" has no rights to a non-biological child once a marriage ends. However, it seems as if he has raised the child and is the only "father" who's ever been there - which means the judge could make an exception.

Each case is different but a judge will rule what they feel is in the child's best interests. You've already stated that the judge doesn't feel the children should be separated. You've told us that YOU don't feel the children should be separated. If that's true, then I'm really not understanding what you're looking for here. You're basically saying that you want him to have rights but don't want him to have rights.

I want him to have visitation just nothing else. That's the way I have it wrote in the paper work.. but he basically wants all the rights to him and none of the responsibility. I guess is an easier way to put it.

i want him to have visitation just nothing else. That's the way i have it wrote in the paper work .. but he basically wants all the rights to him and none of the responsibility. i guess is an easier way to put it.

And he's pushing for joint legal custody?

Let me ask you a question: what do you think would be the downside to him having legal custody to the child? Are you looking for him to pay support for both children?

What I think would be the downside, is my fiancé would not be able to adopt him. My son and fiancé have talked about it and he understands. I know kids don't count for much but my son doesn't want to go over there. Her kids pick on him and beat him up. I'm already in a cps case due to his fiancé. But to answer your other question Yes if he wants all legal rights to my son I believe he should have to pay for him as well.. I'm not a money hoarder or anything but I'm carrying the health insurance he never has to, I pay for all daycare and all medical a little reimbursement would be nice considering. I don't feel that I'm asking too much either way I would like for him to still have visitation.

what i think would be the downside, is my fiance would not be able to adopt him. My son and fiance have talked about it and he understands. I know kids don't count for much but my son doesn't want to go over there. Her kids pick on him and beat him up. I'm already in a cps case due to his fiance. But to answer your other question Yes if he wants all legal rights to my son i believe he should have to pay for him as well.. i'm not a money hoarder or anything but i'm carrying the health insurance he never has to, i pay for all daycare and all medical a lil reimbursement would be nice considering. I dont feel that im asking too much either way i would like for him to still have visitation.

Before you read my response, please understand that I am not saying any of this to be mean, hurtful, etc. I am saying these things because I think you need to hear them.

You want the stepfather to have visitation rights, but allow your fiancé to be the legal father? That's far-fetched, to say the least. You can't give one man visitation while expecting another man to be the father.

CPS won't bother opening a case unless the child(ren)'s safety is potentially being compromised. My husband's ex called CPS on him as well; they told her they weren't going to do anything because we weren't doing anything wrong. I myself have contacted CPS regarding someone's children who I felt were being neglected and mistreated - they told me there needs to be proof. So no, you're not "in a CPS case" due to his girlfriend/fiancee - there's more to your story that you're not sharing.

I'm going to step outside the legality of this question for a minute. Quite honestly, I'm starting to worry about the instability in BOTH homes. Your divorce isn't final, yet you're both already engaged to other people? Have either of you even thought about the effect this is having on the children?

Additionally, your son is SEVEN YEARS OLD - why are you discussing adoption with him? This is none of his business and isn't something a child should have to think about.

Quite frankly, I don't think you even know what you want out of all of this. It seems you have a history of flitting about, back and forth, trying to find the next thing to make you happy - and these children are stuck in the middle of all of it. You got pregnant - okay, it happens. Then you got married and were all for your husband being "daddy." Now your marriage fell apart, and you want a new man to step in and be "daddy." This is not healthy for your children.

To get back to the question: your fiancé is going to have a hard time getting an adoption approved by the court, especially considering that it appears your relationship with him hasn't been established for an extended amount of time. Your lawyer should have explained this to you.

First of all.. I am in the middle of a cps investigation in the state of Texas anytime any one makes a call they have to investigate. Secondly my soon to be x and I have been separated for over 2 years. I did not expect him nor myself to stay single. My son brought up the subject to my fiancé not us sat down and talked to him. Again I'm not asking a new man to step up and be daddy. He asked if he could since the bio father wants nothing to do with him. Anyway my current home life situation isn't what my original question was about. Thanks for your help

First of all .. i am in the middle of a cps investigation in the state of Texas anytime any one makes a call they have to investigate. Secondly my soon to be x and i have been separated for over 2 years. i did not expect him nor myself to stay single. My son brought up the subject to my fiance not us sat down and talked to him. again im not asking a new man to step up and be daddy. He asked if he could since the bio father wants nothing to do with him. anyways my current home life situation isn't what my original question was about. thanks for your help

First of all, I never said you WEREN'T in the middle of an investigation. And no, a case does not get opened "anytime any one makes a call" - CPS doesn't work like that, they'd be the backlogged for years. There has to be reasonable proof, not just accusations.

Secondly, your home life situation is EXTREMELY pertinent to your question. You are clearly not making decisions in your child's best interests - I don't care who brought it up, adoption should not be discussed with a 7-year-old child.

You've been separated for 2 years - separated is not divorced. So you've obviously been dating other men while married and are now "engaged" but still not married to the man who wants to adopt your son - that's going to be an issue for the court.

i want him to have visitation just nothing else. That's the way i have it wrote in the paper work .. but he basically wants all the rights to him and none of the responsibility. i guess is an easier way to put it.

If you want your son to visit your ex when the ex has visitation with the younger child, you should allow this voluntarily. But here is no reason you should agree to a visitation order with respect to your older child.


Additionally, your son is SEVEN YEARS OLD - why are you discussing adoption with him? This is none of his business and isn't something a child should have to think about.

Actually, whether a 7 year-old is to be adopted is very much that child's business. Some, if not all, states provide, with respect to adoption, that the child's wishes (over a certain age) shall be considered, and the child's consent is in at least some places, required.

Actually, whether a 7 year-old is to be adopted is very much that child's business. Some, if not all, states provide, with respect to adoption, that the child's wishes (over a certain age) shall be considered, and the child's consent is in at least some places, required.

Please post the state(s) and its/their statutes which "require" a 7-year-old's consent for a legal adoption. Additionally, she is not even married to the man who wishes to adopt the child.

My argument was that this woman seems to be putting undue burden on her child(ren) by discussing adult issues with them. This situation has far too many twists and turns; this poor boy is caught in the middle of two parents who are doing nothing but bicker for silly reasons.

Please post the state(s) and its/their statutes which "require" a 7-year-old's consent for a legal adoption. ...

Alabama: 14:

"(a) Consent ... shall be required of the following:

(1) The adoptee, if 14 years of age or older, except where the court finds that the adoptee does not have the mental capacity to give consent;
..." Section 26-10A-7 Persons whose consents or relinquishment are required. :: 2009 Alabama Code :: US Codes and Statutes :: US Law :: Justia (http://law.justia.com/codes/alabama/2009/Title26/Chapter10A/26-10A-7.html)



With respect to this example, consent isn't required until the age of 10: Alaska Statutes: AS 25.23.040. Persons Required to Consent to Adoption. (http://touchngo.com/lglcntr/akstats/Statutes/Title25/Chapter23/Section040.htm).

But as far as preference is concerned:

"AS 25.23.125. Preference of Minor to Be Adopted; Guardian Ad Litem; Protective Orders.

(a) If the person to be adopted is a minor under the age of 10 and the person is of sufficient age and intelligence to state desires concerning the adoption, the court shall consider the person's desires.
..."

Consent required if the child is 12 or older in Arizona (http://www.azleg.state.az.us/FormatDocument.asp?inDoc=/ars/8/00106.htm&Title=8&DocType=ARS).

Need I go on?

Just forget I asked the question seeing as I can not get an answer. Thanks for your help ak

Just forget i asked the question seeing as i can not get an answer. thanks for your help ak

I totally don't understand your attitude. I answered you based on what you posted. I'm sorry you don't like the answer. I gave you the law.

I can sympathize with you, agree with you, disagree with you or anything in between BUT the law is what prevails.

And where is the child's father?

Alabama: 14:

"(a) Consent ... shall be required of the following:

(1) The adoptee, if 14 years of age or older, except where the court finds that the adoptee does not have the mental capacity to give consent;
..." Section 26-10A-7 Persons whose consents or relinquishment are required. :: 2009 Alabama Code :: US Codes and Statutes :: US Law :: Justia (http://law.justia.com/codes/alabama/2009/Title26/Chapter10A/26-10A-7.html)



With respect to this example, consent isn't required until the age of 10: Alaska Statutes: AS 25.23.040. Persons Required to Consent to Adoption. (http://touchngo.com/lglcntr/akstats/Statutes/Title25/Chapter23/Section040.htm).

But as far as preference is concerned:

"AS 25.23.125. Preference of Minor to Be Adopted; Guardian Ad Litem; Protective Orders.

(a) If the person to be adopted is a minor under the age of 10 and the person is of sufficient age and intelligence to state desires concerning the adoption, the court shall consider the person's desires.
..."

Consent required if the child is 12 or older in Arizona (http://www.azleg.state.az.us/FormatDocument.asp?inDoc=/ars/8/00106.htm&Title=8&DocType=ARS).

Need I go on?

Yes, please. While you've given some nice examples of preteens and teenagers, you have yet to show where the consent of a seven-year-old child is, as you stated, "required" for the adoption to be done.

To the OP: yes, you can get an answer. You don't want the biological father held accountable, want the stepfather to pay child support but not have any legal rights to the child, and allow a third man to adopt said child. What you're asking is impossible and ridiculous.

Just forget i asked the question seeing as i can not get an answer. thanks for your help ak

I am sorry, I thought we answered your questions:

... Any advice on any of this?? ...
As I said, I advise you to voluntarily allow your son to visit with your ex.


... hes threatening to take me to court and says im being selfish?
Was this a question? The answer is that anybody can sue anybody for anything. Is he likely to get anywhere? No.

Was this a question? The answer is that anybody can sue anybody for anything. Is he likely to get anywhere? No.

Try reading again. They're already in litigation and the judge has stated he doesn't think it's in the children's best interests to be separated due to the stepfather being the biological parent to only one of the children.

Lol nothing about the law says he has legal rights to my child I wanted to know what right I had as a mother to keep him from getting joint conservator ship over my son. Im not upset about your answer they are your opinions. Not the law. Like I said forget the question was asked I'm going to have the thread removed.

Yes, please. While you've given some nice examples of preteens and teenagers, you have yet to show where the consent of a seven-year-old child is, as you stated, "required" for the adoption to be done. ...

Re-read what I wrote. I didn't say that a seven-year old's consent is required (although it may be somewhere). I said childrens' ages over a certain age are required, and whether a child is to be adopted is a child's business.

No my lawyer stated it to be in the best interest of the chil to keep them together. I am allowing visitation I just don't want him to have legal right to my son..

Lol nothing about the law says he has legal rights to my child i wanted to know what right i had as a mother to keep him from getting joint conservator ship over my son. Im not upset about your answer they are your opinions. Not the law. Like i said forget the question was asked i'm going to have the thread removed.

They're not opinion at all. He's been in the child's life for the past six years and is the only father the child has known. That is very much grounds for the judge to grant him rights.

But apparently, you "know" the law already and enjoy asking questions that you already think you have the answers to.

Enjoy screwing up your kids.

Re-read what I wrote. I didn't say that a seven-year old's consent is required (although it may be somewhere). I said childrens' ages over a certain age are required, and whether a child is to be adopted is a child's business.

Right - so you didn't read the original question(surprise), which stated the child is seven years old and went spouting off about laws which have no application here.

Again thanks for your opinion

You wrote this:


he wants access to all medical records school records be notified in an emergency the right to tell me when he can and can't have a car when he can or can't join the armed forces when he can get married..Basicly joint conservator ship over my son
The real father wants nothing to do with my son and that's fine hes not on the certificate i'v located him and he wants nothing to do with him and i want nothing to do with him either. I am in Texas. And no i have a good attorney i just got tired of fighting with his "girlfriend" over a car a grill a t.v. video games and all that. my attorney is the one fighting to not give him rights. I agree with the judge in not separating the kids and i don't want to take that away i just want to know if anyone has dealt with this.
Do they have an x that's not the biological father trying to get paternal rights?
Hes gonna have fun if he tries to prove me unfit.. ive had a great job for the last 6 years im drug free and only drink when its not my weekend to be with the kids.

So who said it? The judge or your lawyer? Or you? Or nobody?

Try reading again. They're already in litigation and the judge has stated he doesn't think it's in the children's best interests to be separated due to the stepfather being the biological parent to only one of the children.

I don't think any of us particularly disagee with that. But I don't see that the OP said anywhere that (whatever the judge thinks the childrens' best interests may be) the judge believes the step-father has legally enforceable rights. That's the difference.

I don't think any of us particularly disagee with that. But I don't see that the OP said anywhere that (whatever the judge thinks the childrens' best interests may be) the judge believes the step-father has legally enforceable rights. That's the difference.

At this point, he doesn't - he's trying to obtain them. If he had no grounds, the judge would have dismissed it already and it would be a dead issue.

The entire problem is that this woman wants to have her cake and eat it too - she's complaining that her husband doesn't financially support the child, yet wants her fiancé to adopt the child.

This entire thing is a mess and I feel the worst for the children caught in the middle.

We haven't gone to court yet i was trying to keep from going there hes already threatened me with a messy divorce i feel bad for my kids too having to put up with him.. i have not asked him for support of my son.. and wasn't planning on it but if he wants to keep visitation that is fine i just don't want him to have the same right to my son as he does my daughter. And if i had known he was going to be like this i would have never married him in the first place. I am not being selfish and do not feel that im asking more than i deserve again i think you are mis interpreting what i am typing. This is the attorneys talking to the judge saying what is in the best interest of the children. I agree with visitation but do not agree with legal rights to the child.

WE HAVENT GONE TO COURT YET I WAS TRYING TO KEEP FROM GOING THERE HES ALREADY THREATENED ME WITH A MESSY DIVORCE I FEEL BAD FOR MY KIDS TOO HAVING TO PUT UP WITH HIM .. I HAVE NOT ASKED HIM FOR SUPPORT OF MY SON .. AND WASNT PLANNING ON IT BUT IF HE WANTS TO KEEP VISITATION THAT IS FINE I JUST DONT WANT HIM TO HAVE THE SAME RIGHT TO MY SON AS HE DOES MY DAUGHTER. AND IF I HAD KNOWN HE WAS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS I WOULD HAVE NEVER MARRIED HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE. I AM NOT BEING SELFISH AND DO NOT FEEL THAT IM ASKING MORE THAN I DESERVE AGAIN I THINK YOU ARE MIS INTERPRETING WHAT I AM TYPING. THIS IS THE ATTORNEYS TALKING TO THE JUDGE SAYING WHAT IS IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN. i AGREE WITH VISITATION BUT DO NOT AGREE WITH LEGAL RIGHTS TO THE CHILD.

If you haven't been to court, then why did you say you "agree with the judge"? How are you "in the middle of a divorce" without going to court?

This is just getting pathetic.

P.S. Your CAPS lock is on.

... If he had no grounds, the judge would have dismissed it already and it would be a dead issue.
...

The judge probaby wishes he could. But there are grounds for a divorce, just not for awarding visitation with the child to the step-father.


... How are you "in the middle of a divorce" without going to court? ...

The case probably has been filed but there hasn't been a trial yet. That's what I'm guessing she means.

The case probably has been filed but there hasn't been a trial yet. That's what I'm guessing she means.

Then why is she alleging that the judge made statements which she supposedly agrees with?

Personally, I think it's time to close. The question has been answered... I think. I'm still not 100% positive what the question was in the first place.

Just went through this entire thread. Sweets, your question was answered in your first response. The stepfather has no legal rights to your son. I don't see a court granting him legal custody. It is, however, possible that the court will grant him visitation.

When you post a question on a site like this, you open yourself up valid comments based on what you posted. Your initial post didn't include all the pertinent facts which came out as you were asked questions. But along with this facts came other points that deserved comment. You have been rude in responding to those valid comments.

Now I have one other comment. You are wrong in not going after the bio father for support. You can use the money for college.