Ok. So I not one for tell everyone my business, but I'm at a loss. I'll start from the beginning. Well, throughout my life (mostly at school) I have been teased and taunted for being gay. It was a rumor spread by this girl I liked and it followed me ever since. (I live in a somewhat small sized town.) at the end of my high school career, I thought that everyone who teased and taunted me knew something I didn't. So finally high school ended, I began to hangout with some friends I had made outside of school.

First I decided that I like my best friend, who happened to be a guy. But sitting down and thinking, I realized that he was just being my friend, and I wasn't atracked to him. So, I began dating this girl. She has no father and a mother that always, without fail, abandons her. She thinks of her friends as family. So over this last summer it was a constant fight about who's house she was staying at , etc. so my parent went away for like ten days and they left booze in the house. Of course I invited everyone over.

Her best friend, who happens to be gay and broke her heart (if it isn't obivious why, they went out during high school) was there. I got drunk and he put the moves on me. Then when we were alone he forced me to give him a handjob. Two days later I told her, and we broke up. The next day we met at a public place and talked. Then we got back together. She completely ignored her friend. Everything was OK, until my best friend admitted to me at my graduation party that he had feelings for me, I laid in his arms (I was also drunk).

She got mad again, we almost broke up. Then we one day had this huge fight and I went a little crazy and followed her. We did break up that time for like a week, (and got back together obiviously.) a few months passed and she told me she wasn't happy. She told me that she wasn't in love with me, that she wanted space. I kind of din't really give her that, I woiuld show up every once in awhile. That lasted for a month. We started dating in secret, until she dcided that she didn't want to do that anymore.

So now it's been four months, and she told me that she's not in love with me anymore. She said she's attracked to me and she loves me, but that she's not in love with me anymore. She has commitment issues, anger issues and she constantly depressed. Nothing has changed over these last four months, so I don't understand.

I know she confused, and she said she feels like I'm her best friend. I made so many sacrifices and so did she, we are even living together now. She told me we both killed it, that she should have given us space. But I'm not about to give up. How can you be attracked to someone and love like a best friend and not be 'in" love with them?

By the way its been a year and a few months since this started

I think you need to give her space. Sometimes we fall in love with our friends and the feelings are not riciprocated which stinks. Being "in love" and "loving" someone are two totally different feelings. For example, you love your aunt/uncle correct? Is that love the same love you would have for a romantic partner? Of course not... therefore you can see how it is possible to love someone but not be "in love" with them. Being "inlove" is a more romantic feeling. You want to kiss and be intimate with that person. I think that this girl loves you as her friend but unfortunately does not have those intimate feelings for you. In this case you shouldn't pressure her because if you do, that could cause the friendship to go downhill and then you will be left with nothing. Give it some time and space is the best advice I have for you...

You read through it all right? Just making sure. I feel like its all my fault though.

How about backing off from any form of relationship until you've sorted yourself out first?

Your sound extremely confused about your sexuality.

You're more than happy to be aggressive towards the relationship to your (ex) girlfriend than annoyed that you were 'forced' to give a handjob.

You need to leave her alone and let her sort herself out.. and you then need to focus the time to you.

Once you've decided what 'path' you'd like to commit to, then.. and only then... move towards it.. but don't rush it.

Rush it, and you'll be in an emotional turmoil waters again.

Also she told me that she really wishes she was in love with me. Which tells me that she is confused.

I have chosen. And I was forced, I don't want to get into details but my mother mentally and physically abused me when my dad left. So yes I felt forced. I was an idiot and should have never done it but...

I agree with the post above. YOu should put more focus into finding yourself first and getting your own issues straightened out. Perhaps you aren't really ready to have an intense relationship until you figure out YOU and what you really want :)

And she even forgave me. Plus after all that time don't you think I would have known if I was gay? Cause we were.. so I'm pretty sure I've chosen

The way I see it you were all young, and confused, and doing some really dumb stuff entertaining yourselves, maybe to escape what you have had to go through. That's all well and good, since being all wrapped up in each others drama was a good way to escape your own.

But its decision time now and real decisions to be made and you can no longer hide behind each others mess. You have to decide your own path that you want to travel without your friends, and unravel yourself, and find out who you are, and where you fit into this confusing mess of a world.

Whatever you have done before, and for whatever reason you did it, is no longer as relevant as it feels because, its time to put the past in the past, and seek a life that has meaning for you, and you alone. Now you can sit and feel sorry for yourself, and the past woes that may, or may not be your fault. Or you can realize that you have been slowly changing, growing, learning, and have a whole life, and world to explore, for yourself.

My advice would be to look forward, not back, and make what you will of yourself. Build who you want to be, and not stay who you were. We all go through these growing pains, so don't look back. Trust yourself Jack, and start being good to yourself, and do good things for yourself, as you learn more about YOURSELF. May as well have fun doing your self-learning, because its going to happen over the next few years.

Got plans for after High School? Get some, and make it happen.

I agree with several of the posts above. Find out what you like men or women. After you do that maybe you cab try focusing on you, and if getting drunk is jeopardizing your actions, then learn how to control your drinking. As far as this girl goes she has clearly lost romantic interest in you so back off so that you don't also lose her as a friend.

Good luck,
Javi