I have been talking to this guy for years. We always talked about hooking up. He knew that I was scared of commitment and he told me he would be my friend with benefits. Undecided about that label, one day one thing lead to another and we hooked up. It has been about a week and he hasn't messaged me, called or texted. No, I haven't tried to contact him. I feel physically sick over this incident.
Does this mean the friendship is over?
Will he ever talk to me again?
Was it all a mistake?

What an absolute gentleman. To think, he knew of your fear of commitment yet still offered you his 'shoulder' to lean on:).

Considering the above, it is rather strange that he has not called after the incident. I wonder if it may have something to do with the fact you need to wake up and turn your lights on!!

No, I haven't tried to contact him.

Why don't you try to contact him before anything?


Does this mean the friendship is over?

If it was over because of something like this then how much value could this friendship have anyway?


Will he ever talk to me again?

There is no way to know, maybe he just didn't like the sex and sees no point in continuing to talk to you again, considering that he has gotten what he was after.


Was it all a mistake?

That is up for you to decide, you invited him to get laid, he did, and then he didn't contact you back, it happens all the time, if you enjoyed it then I wouldn't consider it a mistake. If you were expecting something more then this was obviously not the way to go.

The main questions thought: "What have I done?". You have decided to open your legs to someone who you knew only wanted you for the sex and now you are being treated without any respect because you didn't have respect for yourself. Next time think twice about sleeping around, especially if you are looking for something more special.

Good Luck,
Javi

I would say he offered a lot more than just the shoulder. ;)

Unless you were very willing to take on the role of a friend with benefits, it was a mistake. So now you accept that you made an error in judgement and move on. He may talk to you again; most likely when he is looking for those benefits again.

Regain your dignity, this guy is not a friend. He used you, but then you allowed it so I guess you used each other.

Think back on the situation... did you feel pressured at all? Were you hesitant, but were persuaded to continue? Or were you more than happy to go along?

If your gut was telling you this wasn't what you should be doing, then next time you feel that way, listen to it. It will help you avoid anymore sick feelings about the choices you make.

You can't undo what's been done, but you can make smarter decisions in the future. Consider it a lesson learned. Hopefully it won't be too costly of a lesson... I do hope you used protection and used it correctly.

Hooking up has certainly changed the friendship, even though you were not sure about being a "friend with benefits" type of hook up.

Before you have sex, is the time to get the terms straight, because after is too late. Of course he will be back, when he wants more benefits! Why are you sick over this, you got what you wanted too, sex without commitment.

Now you know what you don't want, don't go there again, and expect different results.

You will be sick again. Not a total waste though, since you know what makes you sick, and the kind of guy friends you have. Two very important lessons to remember.

I agree, your services are done for now, he will be back whenever he needs another "fix".

Thank you for your posts. They have honestly helped me a lot.

Threads have been merged


How do you get over a broken heart? </3

By keeping busy and doing things you enjoy.

By going no contact with the person who's no longer in your life.

It's really tough but in time you'll heal have to stitch up the wound and try not to bring past relationship problems into new relationships. Take what has happened as a lesson and learn from it and how or what you should do differently next time.

Thank you for your posts.
I just find that I wake up in the morning, I can't seem to get the motivation to do anything. I wake up and I don't want to stay awake. I want to sleep the day away and never have social contact with anyone.

Thank you for your posts.
I just find that I wake up in the morning, I can't seem to get the motivation to do anything. I wake up and I don't want to stay awake. I want to sleep the day away and never have social contact with anyone.
Well, you got motivated to post on this site. That's a move in the right direction! What is something you can do today that would be one more move in the right direction toward healing?

(And pssssst, stick around and talk to us. Your situation may be just what another member needs to read about and find hope in.)

Well, you got motivated to post on this site. That's a move in the right direction! What is something you can do today that would be one more move in the right direction toward healing?

(And pssssst, stick around and talk to us. Your situation may be just what another member needs to read about and find hope in.)

You're right, it is a move in the right direction. The small steps are the ones that really help, right?

Something that I can do today, towards healing, would have to be seeing my little brother. He's very young and always makes me smile; however, I don't want him to be around me when I feel this way, it's not fair for him.

I would love to help another reader. I know other people may feel the exact feelings that I am experiencing right now (which is terrible) but it would be great if they found hope in my healing process.


Originally Posted by amicon
By keeping busy and doing things you enjoy.

By going no contact with the person who's no longer in your life.

No contact is difficult. I have him on Facebook and we have mutual friends. I am always going to be tied to him somehow.

You're right, it is a move in the right direction. The small steps are the ones that really help, right?
That's all any of us can do when we need to make a change, just take baby steps toward that light at the end of the tunnel.

Something that I can do today, towards healing, would have to be seeing my little brother. He's very young and always makes me smile; however, I don't want him to be around me when I feel this way, it's not fair for him.
I'm guessing your little brother (how old?) will bring more joy into your life than you would bring sadness into his. Depending on his age -- read books to him, or let him read to you. Draw a face on each of your and his index fingers (smile mouth and a mad one and a straight-across one and circle one) and have a "conversation" with each "personality" contributing. Play ball with him outdoors in the yard or at a park. Get some blank printer paper and crayons and draw scenes that you make up stories about.

I would love to help another reader. I know other people may feel the exact feelings that I am experiencing right now (which is terrible) but it would be great if they found hope in my healing process.
You're in the right place. I've been on this site long enough to have heard multiple times how much someone else's story helped another person so much. The best help comes from someone who has been in the same place and lived to tell about it. And not only lived, but has come out of it to find hope and joy and a renewed excitement in life.

Defriend him on FB.

Tell your friends you want no updates on his comings and goings.

Get answers from Relationships (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/)

Have you read the stickies yet? Its all about building a life that you enjoy without the ex, whom was a big part of your life, but not any more.