My little cousin is 1 yr 2 months old. I've been living with my auntie, uncle and cousin since he was 3 months old and for the past month have been his nanny. He's an only child and is breastfed still (which I don't think is a bad thing at all) and would explain his clingyness which all babies go through.

The problem is these tantrums that he has been throwing which started in the last two or three months. Obviously the simple soloution would be to ignore the bad behaviour and reward the good, my auntie however seems to be able to come up with every excuse as to why he would be crying (hes hungry, tired, teething, wants mummy today, it's the weather).

I try to tell her that its fine if he wants a cuddle from her but the way to get it is not to scream, I tell her to say 'mummy will pick you up when you stop that noise' if he's throwing a tantrum and walk away. But she tries to reason with him and ends up giving him boobie. Its so hard to think of another way to put this because with her its such a touchy subject.

Does anyone have any suggestions of how to explain this to her.. or if you think my techniques aren't right? I really don't want him getting to two years old and still thinking that tantrums are a good way to get what he wants.

Thanks so much

What exactly is your nanny training and how old are you? I think both answers are important. How many children have you been a nanny to?

Tantrums are, unfortunately, a part of turning from baby to toddler to child. Why are you concerned about the breast feeding issue? Some of these decisions should be made by the parents.

Quite honestly, I don't want to have to defend MY parent techniques to the in laws, babysitter, nanny, live-in relative or anyone else. What you do or don't want him to do may very well be immaterial to the parents.

Here's some good advice - Temper Tantrums (http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/tantrums.html)

Have you, as the nanny, approached the breast feeding and temper tantrums with the child's Pediatrician?

What situation proceeds the tantrum? There always is a reason for the crying, it just may not be something you think is worth crying about... :)

Have there been any changes in the household? Do the outbursts tend to happen during transitions or when he wants something? When he is tired, or over stimulated? Can he be coaxed out of them with a distraction?

If it doesn't bother your aunt, then she won't see any reason to change things. When you are watching him, you can try ignoring it or distracting him.

To me, this sounds like the baby is being a baby. At this age, he may be able to move around, but he's still a baby with a baby's need for lots of cuddling and contact.

There are times when a child of this age can respond to reason, but a lot of the time, physical contact (and the breast) is what works and reassures the child.

All babies go through clingy phrases, often around the time they get more mobile. When they started crawling, and again when they started walking, all my babies would rush off to explore the world without looking back, but if I walked out of the room they were in, it was like the world ending and they howled until I came back.

If anything, breastfed children are less clingy, they have a bedrock of confidence that their needs will be met which allows them to take on all sorts of things on their own. But a 14 month old baby really does need lots and lots of cuddles and arm time.

He's 1! I have to ask, what do you expect a 1 year old to behave like?

Bottom line, it's not up to you to be a parent to this child, or teach this child. You're paid to care for him. As a caretaker you follow the orders of the parents, the ones paying you to care for their child.

When you have your own children you can decide how to be the best parent. Something tells me that once you're a mom you'll realize that your Aunt and Uncle are doing their best, and that their method is no less valid then any other.

I'd still like the know the level of the nanny training - which I think is no training at all.