How do I start building a jealous free and secure realationship without the use of alcohol and other drugs?

BY will power.. If u want something,u can do with all the obstacles in the life.. Alcohal and drugs are not required for secure relationship.It destroys the relationship.. What is needed is love,trust,honesty and respect in any relation.. So stick with these.. Start writing about your daily progress in diary.. Analyse Yourself how you can do better and go with the plan..

Cookie - as a person who is on the same journey of addiction recovery, being able to have a healthy relationship is more a matter of learning what a healthy relationship even means.

Being jealousy free and secure starts with you. In order for you to have a healthy relationship, you have to learn to tackle the root of any jealous and insecure attitudes that you possess. There was a reason that you first developed addictions and presumably they were linked to poor relationships in your life. Now that you've treated the symptoms (drinking and drugs to numb pain), you need to start digging deeper to the root of your problems.

For example, a heart disease patient can have successful surgery to remove the defective clog in an artery... but the surgery won't address why the artery became defective in the first place. It's the same with your addiction. You've stopped using and that's certainly a huge step in the right direction... but the question is why did you ever start using drugs/alcohol in the first place? Address your root causes for your addiction... heal those wounds... begin to form strong human bonds with people without a romantic connection and perhaps that will help you heal and grow into being a healthy and functional adult who is able to give and receive love in a positive way.

You're not alone in your journey, my friend. All the best to you.

Every relationship encounters problems from time to time, having coping skills in place will certainly help.

If you are in AA or another group continue going, if your not, I suggest you start.

There are many ways to deal with stress, emotional upset etc, and exercise has been proven to reduce stress and other symptoms. I find for me it works a treat, I can get into that peaceful headspace while running, it helps me think clearly about any situation that may be bothering me, also the natural high from exercise is a great relaxer for body and mind.

Honesty is important, and building solid relationships without romance is the foundation for a romantic relationship, ( as another poster said), start slowly and try not to have high expectations when you first meet someone, also , you don't have to tell your life story off the bat, take your time getting to know someone, let trust build.

Everyone gets insecure and a little jealous in relationships,( I know a married couple where the wife is jealous of the family dog, her husband adores the dog, she gets jealous!) so you see, it does not mean there has to be a 3rd party (human) involved to feel jealous, learning how to talk it over and voice your concerns is important.

Well done for getting this far, your well on the road to recovery, knowing your fall downs and triggers is a great personal success.

First the alcohol and drugs, must be permanently eliminated from your life, and you can get healthy in mind body, and soul. Give yourself a year, to clean up your act, get healthy, and REBUILD your life, before you think of complicating your life with another persons drama.

Time, hard work, and the right help, through AA, or a counselor, is what I highly recommend. If you give yourself the chance, and do things the right way, you will find that life that you enjoy, and be happy and healthy, and ready for whatever life throws your way, and you will be a good partner for a deserving person.

But you have to be willing to do the work FIRST!

The only way to do that is to determine your mind and maybe make a promise to yourself that you will not use drugs or drink. Now, a relationship can be healthy while drinking is allowed, but you need to have the will to limit yourself while trying to have a couple drinks. As far as not feeling jealousy and not feeling insecure those are your issues, not the relationships. So, you need to maybe research on ways to improve yourself esteem to see how you can overcome those problems, if you need more help, seek professional help in order to feel better about yourself. I would try maybe working out more, or maybe hanging out with friends who like you for you who are.

Good Luck,
Javi