What should I do about my husdand I seen him wearing ladys underwear is he gay?? What should I do

He is not gay. The best way to figure out if your husband is gay is to catch him with another man in a compromising position. A persons sexuality is a spectrum; no one person is completely straight or completely gay. Wearing women's underwear isn't a measure of this.

What you have found is that your husband has a bit of a liking of ladies underwear. I would probably label this as a bit of a fetish but not a huge one. He is probably experimenting with what turns him on and what gives him the seed for fantasy. This is relatively benign consider the full host of fetishes.

What I want to emphasis here is that this isn't a big nor serious. Unless he takes this further and is dressing in woman's clothes. Even then it isn't that big of a deal.

What you need to do is sit him down and talk to him about this. First you need to accept that your husband is this way. Then you need to assure him that this isn't a bad thing. Figure out far this goes. Is it just wearing female's underwear or is full on dressing as a female and acquiring a female persona.

Regardless talk to him. You just found out something startling but all together minor about him. He isn't a deviant or pervert and most of all he isn't gay.

Good luck!

You could always talk to him, ask him... why.

There are guys that like this... statistically, fewer fewer cross dressers are gay than in an average cross section of the public ( read that someplace but don't know where). True its not everyone's "thing" or even most people.

So that should put your mind to rest. The desire to wear frilly underwear does not equal a desire to play the skin flute.

Talk to him about it... sure he might be embarrassed. But if you don't start accusing and putting him on a defensive... he would likely tell you as much. The average guy will be offended if you accuse him of being gay... just as the average women would be if accused of being a muff diver. Just tossed that out as an example of having to use care in what you ask and how you ask it.

He is a 48 yo big strong man and can't get my head round what I saw him standing there in bra and panties

We talked he says he is not gay and just likes the feel of the soft silk and lace on his skin

Not for nuthin... but try searching on eBay for mens underwear.

You can get real mens underwear in other materials than the "Tighty Whitey" cotton knit that's durable enough to last years and almost heavy enough to make children's clothing from. And in styles you would expect a lumberjack to wear (not the ones of Monty Python fame) to things no self respecting straight guy would go near, and everything in between. Maybe there is a compromise between the materials he likes and the styles you can deal with. Without him raiding your panty drawer. Its worth a shot.

Hello need:

Have you ever worn a mans shirt? How about mens Levi's? Do you ever put on your husbands bathrobe? I'm just saying..

excon

Why would anyone who doesn't HAVE to wear a bra WANT to wear a bra?

I'm just sayin'.

Got to spread the rep, but I'm with Judy on this one.

I do know that wearing women's underwear is a pretty well-known fetish, and it has NOTHING to do with being gay.

Why would anyone who doesn't HAVE to wear a bra WANT to wear a bra?

I'm just sayin'.

If he's wearing a bra too... then my previous post might be irrelevant. I assumed it was just the panties. I can't think of a reason for that.

Now it's your turn. (he is a 48 yo big strong man and can't get my head round what I saw him standing there in bra and panties)

I wonder where he GOT the bra - okay, panties stretch. Bras? Not so much.

I agree it is a fairly commonplace and normal fetish. Even the bra. Though I too don't understand why anyone would want to wear one if she/he didn't have to.

Is it the shock or the concept that is causing you to have issues thinking about it? If it is the shock, give it time to wear off and then think about it.

If it is the concept, this is the same man you have been married to and loved for however long.

Does he normally hide his feelings or try to present a very masculine image to others? He may be looking for a way to be less macho. To take a step back from being the big strong man.

Keep communicating with him and together you can find compromises on how he can enjoy his fetish without impacting you too much. I am sure he is probably both embarrassed and relieved (if this has been going on for awhile) to have this out in the open.

Wearing women underwear does not mean he is gay ( not at all) Gay men don't normally do that. Wishing to wear it, is a different fetish, many people ( almost most) have some fetish of some sort. From underwear of the other person,
*** you know a women wearing the mans briefs is thought of as quite or sexy, They show a women wearing the mans shirt if she misses him ( on TV)

It means he enjoys dress up. There is a whole list of famous men who does this.

I agree with everyone else. This is a fetish. It has nothing to do with being gay.

He just likes the feel, or the sexiness of your undies.

I don't know why anyone would wear a bra if they didn't have to, but hey, to each their own. :)

He has all types of underwear panties , bras (that fits him) stockings , camis , and teddys quite a lot maybe 25/30 items I am feeling sick to the bottom of my stomic don't know what to do or even if I want to be with him anymore can't get the picture of him dressed like a woman out of my mind

Well, like we said... its all but certain he isn't re-enacting butt pirates of the Pacific. SO while it may be quite shocking to you... its not dangerous.. and its not a sign he prefers sausages to tacos.

How long have you been together and how long have you been married?

How long ago did you see catch him?

Has he told you how long his cross dressing has been going on?

Can you put into words what disturbs you the most about seeing him in a bra and panties? Is it the clothing or is there an element of feeling like you don't know him?

Would you be willing to go to marriage counseling with him to try to work through this as a couple?

I would wonder if "he's" tired of keeping this activity, whatever it is, a secret and allowed his wife to see him in order to bring the situation into discussion.

Hello Judy:

I would wonder how he hid ALL those unmentionables from his wife.

excon

I was working on that myself. My bigger concern is why anyone would choose to wear a bra and where a person would buy a bra in whatever size a big, strong guy wears. Hmm.

The flip side of this is she could have double the wardrobe if they are close to the same size.

Just sayin'.

I was working on that myself. My bigger concern is why anyone would choose to wear a bra and where a person would buy a bra in whatever size a big, strong guy wears. Hmm.

The flip side of this is she could have double the wardrobe if they are close to the same size.

Just sayin'.

Probably the same place Plus size women get theirs, At Walmart, Target, etc... I see a lot of rather beefy women with rather broad shoulders and torso's. They get them someplace too. Unless he is a really, really huge guy... these women are bigger. And you know I'm talking band size... not cup size. (I have a knack for guessing women's bra sizes just by looking at them fully clothed, and I get it right fairly often.)

There are websites that sell to men looking for these items. It's a COMMON fetish. Look it up.

And as far as bras go--if it doesn't have to SUPPORT anything, it might not be as uncomfortable as it is for those of us that wear a bra for support.

I know plenty of small-breasted women who have no problems wearing a bra, and have fun with the pretty styles they can wear. It's just those of us that are well-endowed that have issues with that.

THAT BEING SAID---can we please discuss the fetish elsewhere and try to help the OP get past the fact that her husband was wearing womens' underwear?

You should be concerned; how long have you been married?! Were they your underwear?! Be very concerned...

Good Luck!

You should be concerned; how long have you been married?!! Were they your underwear?!! Be very concerned...

Good Luck!

Concerned about WHAT exactly? You have read all the previous posts?

You should be concerned; how long have you been married?!! Were they your underwear?!! Be very concerned...

Good Luck!

Please read the questions and answers before you answer.

And I'll go back to my original thought - ASK him. She asked and he said he likes the feel.

I still don't know if he had all of this lingerie hidden and she just found it; did he now show it to her - she knows he has a lot of lingerie; if she's known all along and just posted now; if he deliberately got "caught;" what the situation is.

Without more info counselling is the quick answer. However, more info would help.

You should be concerned; how long have you been married?!! Were they your underwear?!! Be very concerned...

Good Luck!

What should she be concerned about? Elaborate.

Personally, I see no reason for concern. So her husband likes to wear women's underwear. There's nothing wrong with that.

The only thing she should be concerned about is how she's dealing with it. She's thinking of leaving her husband just because of his clothing preference.

Been married for 23 years . He has been wearing ladies underwear since he was a young boy . Don't think that he wanted to get caught . He bought them in various stores and keep them at his yard . He was also wearing my underwear most of witch he bought for me I now know why he bought so many of them . Don't know what to do or how to look at him we had long talk .whats wrong with me that he has to do this ?

Nothing wrong with you at all... its just something he likes... and has liked long before he knew you. Some people are into S&M... he's into this.

This has nothing to do with you. It's something he likes to do.

Put it this way. Is there anything you like to do? Do you read romance novels? Do you watch chick flicks? Do you like to wear high heels? Do you like to wear the color red?

It has to do with what he likes, not with anything lacking in you. You're making this about you, and it's not.

If you can understand that, then you can get through this.

Counseling really is your best bet.

The only thing wrong is that he has felt he had to hide this from you. He should have been upfront, since most people have various desires and fetishes.

I hope it is the hiding it from you, more than the act itself that has you upset.

Unless he wants to do it in private, perhaps you can add it to your foreplay and sex life

There is NOTHING wrong with you. This is all about him, not about you.

Let's put it this way--if you wore pants all the time and not skirts, would your husband have a right to ask what's wrong with him, because you're always the one trying to wear the pants in your household? Of course not!

This is just something he likes to wear. It has nothing at all to do with you, and thousands of very straight, very happily married men do it every single day.

I really do suggest that you get counseling--alone or together--to deal with the shock of this.

Agree with FrChuck - maybe OP can accept this fetish. Maybe she cannot. Shock must be a big factor in the level of her upset. The husband hid this behavior from her for all these years and now has decided to come clean. That's good for him. That may not be so good for her.

I think he should have been honest many years ago - she could have left or stayed... but she would have known.

There are some men who used female underwear for them to be comfortable, but it is very odd for me if he wearing bra.

there are some men who used female underwear for them to be comfortable, but it is very odd for me if he wearing bra.


With respect I think the "oddness" of this situation has been covered. Now the question is how to help this woman - ?

we had long talk

For us to help you better, it might help if we knew what he told you during that "long talk."

Your husband apparently was experimenting with cross dressing. Some cross dressers are gay, many are not - the two things are not really related. Some cross-dressers are actually transgender people - people who for example were born male but feel like a female - and they feel more comfortable dressed and living as the opposite gender, but this is a small percentage of the population overall.

All you can tell from seeing your husband in female clothing is that he wanted to try female clothing. The rest, he has to tell you. If you act appalled and disgusted and angry, it will not feel safe for him to discuss this potentially embarrassing and secret side of himself with you.

Open a dialogue - "I was shocked and upset to see you like that but I want to understand. Can you please explain what this behavior means to you, and whether it means anything is different in our marriage?" Then just listen. Tell him that if he will not discuss it with you it is certainly going to be a problem because now that you saw him like that, you must have some understanding - but that if he's honest and open, you will try your level best to be understanding.

Needhelp's follow-up posts add some facts that might be helpful to those giving advice.


he is a 48 yo big strong man and can't get my head round what i saw him standing there in bra and panties


we talked he says he is not gay and just likes the feel of the soft silk and lace on his skin


been married for 23 years . he has been wearing ladies underwear since he was a young boy . dont think that he wanted to get caught . he bought them in various stores and keep them at his yard . he was also wearing my underwear most of witch he bought for me i now know why he bought so many of them . dont know what to do or how to look at him we had long talk .whats wrong with me that he has to do this ?

needhelp, I hope you and your husband are working through this. If you are still reading this thread, we would be grateful for an update to know how you are doing or if there is anything else we can say to help.

This is just a guess, but maybe the thing that makes you feel so uncomfortable is also the thing that attracts him to doing it - namely the fact that it seems so 'unmanly'. But is it really? Isn't he exactly the same man who you now know happens to like wearing female lingerie sometimes?

As a female I sometimes dress in pretty or slinky,very feminine clothes and they do make me feel more feminine. However if I'm going to dig the garden or do some DIY I will probably wear some comfy trousers and a loose T-shirt. Obviously the latter clothes are more practical, but on a psychological level I think perhaps I feel more practical and in the right frame of mind when dressed for the task in hand.

We ladies are lucky in that we can wear clothes that might be deemed masculine or feminine and it is all deemed OK in most cultures.

Maybe if you are a man, and one that is a very traditionally masculine man in the main, (sorry for the stereotyping) then perhaps it is just nice to give that a rest once in a while. Maybe there is a pressure to always be manly that this fetish provides a relief from. As a woman I am aware of the 'feminine and masculine energies' within me, something that men are often not encouraged to admit to, even to themselves. I'm not even sure masculine and feminine are the right words, but I mean in the sense that certain attributes are alloted by society as being one or the other, and taken on board subconsciously by most of us.

As others have said it would be worth exploring both your feellings through counselling.

I'm a guy and yes, I occasionally wear women's underwear. It's a turn on and as others have mentioned, much more comfy, so are women's jeans.
I have an interesting friendship with a 19yo girl though who makes my life more interesting for sure. She discovered my submissive side and started to make it work for her in several ways. One of those ways is that I now pay for and usually have to buy all of her panties myself. She will sometimes pick a store that's busy or other anything else that she finds entertaining and TELLS me to get in there and buy her some new panties. I've agreed to never say no and it's a lot of fun for her and quite embarrassing for me. It seems a little unfair that I have to go buy them and don't get to wear them. If she gets them herself, she just tells me to give her the money. It's a turn on and I don't know why. She even tricked me by telling me after our agreement that her and her sister share them so I have to buy all panties for both when they demand it. I think girls should do this more often and should definitely make fun of guys in stores going through girly undies.

I'm a guy and yes, I occasionally wear women's underwear. It's a turn on and as others have mentioned, much more comfy, so are women's jeans.
I have an interesting friendship with a 19yo girl though who makes my life more interesting for sure. She discovered my submissive side and started to make it work for her in several ways. One of those ways is that I now pay for and usually have to buy all of her panties myself. She will sometimes pick a store that's busy or other anything else that she finds entertaining and TELLS me to get in there and buy her some new panties. I've agreed to never say no and it's a lot of fun for her and quite embarrassing for me. It seems a little unfair that I have to go buy them and don't get to wear them. If she gets them herself, she just tells me to give her the money. It's a turn on and I don't know why. She even tricked me by telling me after our agreement that her and her sister share them so I have to buy all panties for both when they demand it. I think girls should do this more often and should definitely make fun of guys in stores going through girly undies.

I fully disagree with most of this post. However, it does not quite come to the point of giving the poster a negative mark on their reputation. It is after all his opinion.

Cross dressing is not the same as being submissive and therefore telling someone that they should embarrass/humiliate and use their partner is NOT a good idea.

Telling other people to make fun of men buying women's clothing is even more wrong in so many ways. While the poster may enjoy being humiliated, other people do not. Men buy women's clothing for a large variety of reasons and, like women buying traditionally male items, they need help not abuse.

I wear panties but a bra? That woud seem kind of odd. Anyway, I hope things are working out for you one way or another, I think the best advice has been given many times already and that is to talk about this. Many guys wear panties and bras, It does not make them gay, after all, Just as an experiment, visit a few gay websites and most of what you will find is well built strong looking guys in excessively manly clothes