I was seeing a guy since jan and he was texing me daily... being very flirty very seductive... then we met up... and he was really nice really polite, he couldn't take his eyes off me the whole night... then he just kissed me on the lips at the end of the night and went home... and I thought it was really nice... he even texted straight after the date saying you're gorgeous! And wow the kiss was really natural... I shall dream of you... kissing my lips... I was thinking this is all really romantic... he even bought me a gift... and had actually spent about £100 including the meal and gift and for a first date I think that's pretty cool... but then he texted a few times then disppeared fro about 4 weeks after that... I texted a couple of times.. tried not to chase... but just couldn't resist because I had fallen for him quite quickly... so he finally replied. Reckoned he lost is phone?! Hmmmmmmm... so I pretended to believe it... then he started with the text seduction again for a few weeks and I noticed he was nt trying to meet up so questioned him... and yes... he is with someone else but he says the sex has gone in that and he said he's seen other people before so I figured he just wants out but just needs to meet the right one first... so decided to give him a chance... but then he came clean... said he just wants someone as a sex buddy nothing more... and I'm not OK with that but lied and said it s fine so we met up again and it was great... but for someone that wants a sex buddy... he seemed hesitant about coming back to mine... and when we eventually did he was patient and mor into my pleasure and my needs and kissing me a lot... which usually mean s they feel somethiing more deeper than just sex... coz believe me I been with guys who just want sex and they are quite rude and forceful really, and hewasnt at all... so I felt he may love me,, so I asked nad he said he didn't know... then he went home but he backed off again and was replying at first but now completely ignores me... its really hard because I think I love him and I just want to be with him... and I'm sure feels very strongly too... but where is he? I know he's with someone but its never bothered him before? It got me wondering what's wrong with me... or is it that he just likes me too much and its confusing him because he only wanted a sex buddy... but now he's develop stronger feelings for me... he won't answer any of my texts... and I can't ring because we've never actually rung each other... its nvr actually been like that... plus I don't want to chase... I want him to chase me...

Let me see, he is most likely married or at least leaving with someone. And you have such poor and low self esteem that you are willing to desire to be second fiddle.

Perhaps the idea of him leaving the other girls bed to run into yours is appealing to some but can't see why.

He most likely is hesitant since he does not want his wife to catch him again.

Interesting... ok he's married... I just didn't want to publisize it... but yes because I been cheated on so much and yes it really damsges yr esteem I fgured get with a taken guy so I don't expect too much and know from the start he a cheater plus I'm the last one he says sweet dreams too at midnite I would presume... I mean he was texting me from about 5pm till 12pm most eves when he is actually right next to his wife... so I figures he onviously quite lonely... needs companionship... but I don't think he's been caught somewhow... coz I actually triedf blackmailinghim the day before yesterday and he was livid!! If he's been cuaght before he wouldn't care less... but who knows... and he's not leaving her bed... he was never really in it it seems... he been cheating on her after a year of marriage and with quite a few too... and yes I know yr going to say leave it he's a pplayer... hell do it to you... hes just after sex... yes I went on all sites like this and heard all the same responses

Yes I'm a marriage wrecker... yes we all are I know... I can't trust any man even single guys... and what make su think I won't be 2nd fiddle to a single guy anyway?? And I've had break up and divorce all around me you see... my last guy left.. and we have a kid... my daughters friends dad left... another on edid... now recently my exs dad has now left his mum for his lover... and more... and everyone tells me how beautiful and sexy I am... and you can't choose you fall in love with and believe me I've met a lot of guys since my ex left... alot... many who say they're single but but you nvr heasr from them again and I feel in love with two but soon as I told them they went... yet I supposed to be sexy... so you can see how my esteem is wuite damaged... so I think well... when you with a maried guy... you're the one he thinks about the most.. even if its sexually and I like that... its bette than trying to trust anyone else

I honestly don't think anyone on this site will give you tips on how to get the married man that you're having an affair with to contact you more. We don't do that here. We tend to value marriage and commitment.

It seems that you have a bigger issue here than just trying to figure out a way to keep the cheating man that you're infatuated with. I would suggest counseling, in my opinion. You need to figure out why you have such a low opinion of yourself and find ways to fix it.

Why don't you believe that you're worth more than a cheating husband?

He is using you and you're fine with that. Something is wrong.

You are being played. And by one of the oldest games in the book. It is called push-and-pull.

Check this out: http://www.pualingo.com/pua-definitions/push-pull/

"In seduction, push-pull is a concept that relates closely to cat string theory, banter, and BHRR. The concept is for the PUA to immerse himself in the experience of pulling the girl when it feels good, and then pushing her away, knowing that push will make her want you more, and the return much more rewarding."

You are accepting being the accessory to a married man's sexual needs and are falling for a guy who only talks to you whenever he is ready to bone you, and then leaves when he has gotten what he wants, leaving you for more. Men don't only worry about you when we love you, we also do it to give the illusion that we do, and it works great with the Push-and-Pull method. So be careful to keep being pulled in, because there will be a point where you cannot resist anymore and you will be under his control. As you have noticed, he has told you things that not only would chase any girl away, but you have even convinced yourself that the situation favors you in some way and that you are in control. The longer you allow this to happen, the worse it gets, it never gets better unless you put your foot down, and the longer you don't the more it develops.

Good Luck,
Javi

P.S. PUA = pick-up artist.

Thank you... yes you could be right... coz he comes on strong then backs off... thus resulting in me wanting him more... but luckily things got bti heated the other day... and I admitted I wasn't OK just as his LOVER... that I would want him to leave his wife etc... as I'm 39 and want much more... love etc... so now he knows... so far we have not spoke since but the rest is up to him now really... I mean hell keep doing this with every girl... expecting no strings attached... and women are not generally like this... we tend to attach... so he will disppear when things get tough... but maybe one woman won't be so accepting of it one day and actually tell his wife... so if he nvr contacts me again... as tough as it is... its prob for the better... but it doesn't mean I will trust single guys though... coz they all play you... well they play me... so I'm better off alone for a while now anyway... even though I have been for three years... im sure ill meet someone better soon... so thanks

people use people whether they're married or not... and I didn't realise this site was just about maraige and its values... I thought it was more relationship advise etc... but all men cheat so how do u suggest I trust any really? Because I met loads that are NOT Married and they still cheat and string you along... but yes I think what he does is wrong... he obviously doesn't value his marriage... also I have had much divorce around me... even those with kids so its very hard for me to even value marriage anymore... but really... if he's unhappy he should leave her first... but I don't have a low opinion of myself I just find guys make out they like you even single ones then nvr stay for more than a few times... and it does give you a low opinion of myself... but I am 39 but I do look 25 so I do attract younger guys so that's maye the prob... but when I try to go for older guys of 35 and over they are all married or they pretend they're not but u find out later... so I'm prob better off alone

Sorry... ran out of space... no I'm not a marriage wrecker or trying to be I just figure that a man who cheats is unhappy or lacking something that's all... and I think he needs counselling really... but yes I do want a mature man of my own age about 35- 40 etc... but as I said most are married etc or make out they're not so it is quite tough... and my area has a lot of idiots around... so I think I just got to give it time... coz I went through a very bad break up 3 yrs ago with my ex running off with a thai girl and I only figured getting with married guy I would at least know from the start he's a cheater rather thangetting my hopes up since I can't trust any... but they all cause heartache at the end of the day... so ill stay single for a bit.. but thank you for replying though

Also I nvr said I have a very low opinion of myself... didi say that?? Like I said I had a very bad break up where a man after 8 years turned around and said he don't love me in fact he nvr did... plus he reckoned I don't like sex much when I do... so I guess that could possibly damage you? Also I am very beautiful,. I not being gbig headed... I just am and I should really think a lot of myself... im also a mum of a 10 yr old.. and I'm very talented and intelligent and many people like me and really take to me... yet no guys want to commit... it seems they all just after sex and on therse sex sites... seriously its where they all are nowadays... but I blame the media... czo they're selling sex to our youth a lot younger nowadays... but yeah when no one actually dates you more than twice you do start to feel down especially when you're always getting told how attractive and nice you are... but guyus seem to want many gfs nowadays and a lot of women... its human nature I guess.

I guess you're married too? And nvr been cheated on? Or maybe you have... if you nvr been cheated on you prob think its not going on but you don't really know for sure... ive heard so many women say oh my fred just isn't that type... but do they really know for sure? Its seems men like to have a lot of gfs nowadays... but you got to have some trust but it is very hard once you been cheated on... very hard... but I am a writer etc etc so need to focus on that... I actually started to write an article about marriage and affairs and why men and women do it... and are their ways it can stop? Do people get married too quick thus wanting to cheat? Maybe they should be more sure before they pop the question... etc etc or are humans just prone to infedelity... since we are just human... but I guess where women do seek therapy etc.. talk to friends if they're unhappy.. men just think lets seek some sex on the side... instead of working on the relationship.. so it's a mixed up world really

If you think you have everything figured out then why are you asking us for our opinion. If you know you are better off alone then leave, why wait. And if you are OK with being a home-wrecker that is fine, but not everyone is like that as you have assumed. With the way you are reacting to peaceful posts, that are offering you advice, I would probably be cheating on you two, I couldn't personally take someone like that seriously. Who are you to ask someone who is offering advise if they are in a happy married relationship or if they have never been cheated on, that is none of your business. If you get played is because you allow yourself to be played, or maybe you are just clueless, and not all guys play you, not saying that I haven't in the past, but I have grown out of that stage. If you want to meet someone who wants a real relationship with you you need to start looking at things from a more positive perspective, not with the mentality of "there is nothing to lose because he is probably going to screw me over too".

Good Luck,
Javi

modelbabe May 12, 2011 03:31 pm
I guess you're married too? And nvr been cheated on? Or maybe you have... if you nvr been cheated on you prob think its not going on but you don't really know for sure... ive heard so many women say oh my fred just isn't that type... but do they really know for sure? Its seems men like to have a lot of gfs nowadays... but you got to have some trust but it is very hard once you been cheated on... very hard... but I am a writer etc etc so need to focus on that... I actually started to write an article about marriage and affairs and why men and women do it... and are their ways it can stop? Do people get married too quick thus wanting to cheat? Maybe they should be more sure before they pop the question... etc etc or are humans just prone to infedelity... since we are just human... but I guess where women do seek therapy etc.. talk to friends if they're unhappy.. men just think lets seek some sex on the side... instead of working on the relationship.. so it's a mixed up world really

I'm truly sorry that you cannot trust people. Yes, I am married. No, I do not believe he will cheat on me. I know I won't cheat on him. When we said our vows before God, family, and friends, we both meant them.

I trust my husband completely. He trusts me completely. We have no reason not to trust one another. Our marriage is far from perfect, but we are perfectly imperfect. We're older, didn't marry until we were both almost/just at 30.

Life is hard enough; why go through it not trusting our fellow man?

I truly wish I could fix your broken heart, your hurting emotions, and re-awaken a trust in mankind. I understand that you've been horribly hurt, and I'm truly sorry to hear that. Living life without trust must be very difficult.

I'm glad you have something to focus on other than this man. In my opinion, no one in a relationship/married/or otherwise "taken" is everavailable, but I know that you see it differently.

I can only give you my opinion; please do not completely disregard it. You've been hurt, but don't let the tragedy of that hurt poison your outlook on "every man"... they're not all cheaters and losers. I found a good one.

But yes really... u gave good advice... think he does this push and pull thing with a few women maybe... who knows? I mean when he backs away from me he prob back chasing the other one he had just backed away from a few weeks ago... so he always got the hot woman after him... then he gets the perfect home lofe from his wife... its all stupid... yes I was OK with men having lovers at one point since I felt that they all cheat so I just figured what the hell... I can't get anywhere with guys so ill just be sex buddies.. but I'm not really like that... I have to have a deeper connection really f irst... buti was very reeled in by the text seduction... I must admit... I really was... and being an erotic writer I am... I found it quite interesting... but I was very seductive and flirty too.. I admit... but only because I figured he may fall for me one day... but it does happen... all the time... but I will check out yr website anyway... im not really sure what to think about men right now

Urgh... I think I hit "No" by mistake... I meant YES! Not every man is like the OP assumes. I found a wonderful, trustworthy man and he found a faithful wife in me!

P.S. Also don't think he is going to leave his wife for you. That is a game that he is also playing. You don't need to say you have low opinion of yourself because your actions show it, that is a given. You are 39 and have an adolescent mentality when it comes to relationships.

I like the perfectly imperfect. ;)

You obviously don't know men at all... making generalizations like that is also very immature, considering that you are talking from personal experience, and assuming that you don't know half the man in this world (approx. 1.6 billion men) you are talking out of your a$$!

When did reply badly to anyone?! Sorry i think one guy is responding to what i replied to someone else!! I been very peaceful... not been reacting bad at all! Im confused! Im just saying that a lot of women who think that there husband is not cheating should not presume things because im sure the guys wife i was seeing thinks hes a perfectly faithful guy!! But javi hasn't actually expereinced what i have so unfortunatelt when u have... it does leave u very scarred.. but to historian check no i didn't mean to insult you... im sure he is very trustworthy... i hope for you he is and i hope one day i do too... but as i said i do keep meeting guys who do just want sex... but that's my experience... and as i said its very hard to be positive... when guys don't call back etc... then they do like 5 months on?! But to javi im not asking questions then know the answers.. well yes i do a bit so i am sorry.. but i was totally agreeing with what u said so i can't see how u got upset by that?

also i didn't know this site was promoting marriage i thought it was a general site for all situations... without bias that's alll... it seems a lot of ppl insult people who are with married men etc etc... but anyway thx for your time though and i guess at 39 i should know enough to not ask people... this site is for more inexperienced people who genuinly need advice but i just wanted a few perspectives and i got it... but thank you for yr time and i didn't mean to be rude to anyone so im sry if i came across like it... and to javi there wa sno need to be insulting and saying i would cheat on you too... whats that about?! What did i say wrong to you! Yes i am quite feistyy= but im a single mother and i been through a hell of a lot and it makes you real tough... but honestly i really agreed with your advise and i said that so i don't understand whyu got so rude to me? But anyway u gave me a good perspective on this push pull thing... i learned something so thank y ou

Yes hi... to historian chick i only saw this now... sry i didn't mean to insult u... i appreciate yr advice... but i realise u in usa now! In uk if u say to someone get counselling it means yr saying u need help you're crazy! But yes i been hurt... and soon as i meet a new one then start to trust i get hurt again and it keep s happening and it makes u angry and distrusful... but thank you for being veryu helpful i appreciate... yes not every man does it... i am glad u have a good relationship... i did have a good one with my ex.. yes it broke up bad but we are friends now... but guess u got to trust yr fellow man as u said... and i got to look in diff places too and make sure i get a relationship first before them flirting with me sexually.. but i feel more at ease though.. seriously i do... as i went to seek other sites where other women had similar situations and got no joy so i really do apprecaite yr answers...

I don't know why yr being so rude and swearing... u are actually insulting me now wheni nvr insulted you and the person i was supposedly insulting hasn't even reacted! It seems the only person reacting here is u!! And im not amkina ny generalizations im only going by my own personal exp.. thats all and u don't know my experiences do you? And im not immature about relationships... i want one but as i said they just want sex... and that's my expereince... not a generalization... but anyway you're mad about something so ill leave u alone... the other girl is talking fine.. so let her stick up for herself will you i don't know who you are but you have no right to be swearing at me coz you are the perfect ,man... yes you are im sure... jesus!! I actually said i agreed with your comment but u insullted me! You're really strange!! U really are!! But anyway i won't reply anymore... good bye!!

I am sorry if I came out as rude, however it was intentional. First of all the use of CAPS are for emphasis or to yell. I have met and been with a few single mothers, some very close to your age, and they were not feisty. Yes, your relationships may have not turned out well but maybe that is because of the way you are. You seem to think that all males are cheater and that they all like to lie about everything. That is not the case, that is offensive to me. I was not trying to insult you by saying that with the way you act I would too cheat on you, I was trying to hint at you that maybe it is your personality that is attracting this certain type of guys. Maybe you need to reform something about your habits and attitude so that you attract the type of guy you are looking for. THAT, however, will never happen if you always think the way you do. Also, when you say they never call back, etc. does that mean that you have slept with them and then they don't call you back afterward, like they are using you for sex and then just leaving, the typical hit it and quit it? Because if that is the case maybe you should exercise some self respect and not sleep around so much, meeting the guy who you have some sort of interest with would be good for trying to prevent that from happening.

Good Luck,
Javi

Wats caps? Oh sry i can't read it if its in small sry... no im not shouting anything so you're generalizing now but anyway ive postef how you've been rude... seriously i been very hurt so this site ids suppose to pprovide support but you're actually making me feel a lot worse actually u really are... saying things like im talking from my *** etc etc i not sure im someone whose level on here is classed an an expert should be talking to an user like this... you are making me feel very bad... and i had bad expeireinces so ok if i presume all men cheat... as an expert here you should say... dont presume they all cheat... etc etc but you've just got very insulting which isn't right at all... and ppl can read the thread and see for themselves too they can see what i posted and yr response and they're not going to think much of you... so i hope whoever monitors this site can see this and u get some kind of warning... i hope so... but historian chick was def every helpful though but i will nto respond to anymore insults from u after this.. you houl dnot be giving out advice if u can't deal with ppls responses.. u got to remember people with hurt are emotional.. can be volatile.. allsorts... so reacting as u been is terrible... i hope you don't reply to anyone else who is in genuine distress

I nvr sleep with a guy on the first date! Jesus!! Like i sid if you're not very qualified to counsel ppl and u over react just coz they have diff opinions you really should not be on here as i said and i hope u seriusly get a warning by whoever monitors this... and just coz a few ppl u met are not feisty doesn't mean it's the norm... but over here in uk things are very diff.. mabye in austin you live diff i am not insulting your town but you think your expereinces make u qualified to help others and i really don t thin you have know anything at all... but anyway... nvr mind... for someoen that expects me not to make presumptions you make many yourself!! I don't sleep around at all... its just the way the guys i.me me me personally have met... which u don't seem to be hearing... but instead of understanding you're just concerned with sticking up for the male race... and i wasn't insulting men... im just saying ive met the wrong ones but sorry... jesus

Read the rules on how to use the website, CAPS are reserved for putting emphasis, and for yelling. Now, how can I know you are being peaceful when you are writing everything in CAPS? All I have done is give you my opinion on things that you have written. I have not insult you, if I have please, quotation it!

Anyway I'm sorry I wasn't being rude but then you went funny so I got bit rude after that so I'm sorry... but I not mean to say all men cheat you took offence to it very badly... so I'm sorry... yes they are some good men out there... so hopefully ill find one... but I don't sleep around at all... I just... am a very sexy woman... or so people tell me... and model etc... so I guess guys are just generally attracted to me an dim just very friendly and very open... ppl take to me very easy... so I guess I just got to play a lot harder to get and not be so open or they do get the wrong idea... coz if man chats up a sexy women and she gives herself to easy... not sexually I mean... just in general... then maybe I invite the wrong attention... coz I was told by one guy I am sexy without even dong anything... so I guess I should not let them have sex talk so soon etc... not actual sex... just sex talk... coz maybe I'm meeting the wrong guys but I live in englandlondon and everyone is a bit crazy over here really

Read the rules on how to use the website, CAPS are reserved for putting emphasis, and for yelling. Now, how can I know you are being peaceful when you are writing everything in CAPS? All I have done is give you my opinion on things that you have written. Also I am not here to protect your feelings, if you have done something in my opinion that is wrong, I will advise you to do otherwise, and point it out. Because it is my opinion that you shouldn't. You have put down males by categorizing us as several negative things, which I find offensive.

Good Luck,
Javi