I am a virgin and am wanting to know about the hymen. How do you check to see if you still have your hymen? How thin is the hymen skin and can it be thicker? Is it always a thin whitish skin? My boyfriend and I are thinking of having sex and he said he wanted to pop my hymen. Now I'm scared I don't have one and he'll be disappointed. Please help!

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Due to posting restrictions we need your ages before we can respond.

I'm 19 and he's 21. Does that suffice?

Thank you.

Now, your boyfriend sounds pretty shallow if he is worried about "poppin" your hymen.

Hymens can break for any reason at any age. Horseback riding, tampon use, sports, etc.

What should be more important is the intimacy involved with lovemaking.

Are you prepared to be a mother? Remember that sex = pregnancy and that there is no form of birth control that is 100% effective.

We've been dating for 5 years and he's not shallow at all. I don't think he knows that they can easily break. We are getting married later this summer and we would like to start having children.

What your boyfriend needs to understand is that a hymen isn't proof of virginity. Many girls loose their hymen even though they've never had sex.

The reason that J9 called him shallow is that he stated that he wants to "pop" your hymen. Now you're worried that you don't have one and he'll be disappointed.

The fact is, if you love each other, if you've been together for 5 years, you're committed to each other, you're getting married, then what does a flap of tissue really matter? Will he be disappointed enough to not continue the relationship? If so, then that's a big warning sign.

Hymen or no hymen, if you've never had sex, you're a virgin. Virgin or not a virgin, if he loves you, it shouldn't matter.

I wouldn't be so worried about your hymen. Worry more about his obsession with popping it.

No he won't be upset. He loves me and we'll get married. I think I'm just making it a bigger deal than it is. Thanks so much for your help :)

No he won't be upset. He loves me and we'll get married. I think I'm just making it a bigger deal than it is. Thanks so much for your help :)

No problem.

Remember, it's not the hymen that makes you a virgin. If he loves you, then hymen or no hymen, that won't change.

I wish you all the best. :)

Hymens come in all shapes, sizes and thicknesses.
Some woman have very thin hymens with 'holes' in them already and they tear very easily, so easily in fact you probably wouldn't know it has happened. As J said, even something you do every day could tear it such as riding a bike.

Others have thicker hymens, that don't tear even after having sex.

You could go to your doctor, but really, hymens have no meaning.
I was sexually active for 5 years before my doctor discovered that mine was still intact.

If you have waited 5yrs. and you say your going to get married this summer; wait. Make it right before God, my wife and I did, and it was like opening a present from God on Christmas morning.1 Corinthians 7:2 says: "But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband"(NIV). Sex before marriage is immoral in God's eyes. If he does not want to wait, he does not truly love you! God luck, and God bless.

Nineva, even if you had other partners than each other, it is still your first time together. That and Love is what make it special.

Think of it this way, do either of you want the discomfort/pain that is stereotypical of 'popping' a hymen or do you want to enjoy the experience and each other?

I do have a word of advice about waiting a bit before having children. You may think you are ready now, but adjusting to living with each other and all that marriage entails takes some time and a lot of communication, compromise and work. It's best to iron out the small problems before adding a pregnancy and child into the mix.

Nineva, even if you had other partners than each other, it is still your first time together. That and Love is what make it special.

Think of it this way, do either of you want the discomfort/pain that is stereotypical of 'popping' a hymen or do you want to enjoy the experience and each other?

I do have a word of advice about waiting a bit before having children. You may think you are ready now, but adjusting to living with each other and all that marriage entails takes some time and a lot of communication, compromise and work. It's best to iron out the small problems before adding a pregnancy and child into the mix.


Just want to say this advice is spot on.

We tried for 10 years to get pregnant, and now that we ARE pregnant, there are a whole lot of issues that are putting stress on our marriage that we never even thought of.

Be married for a year or two and just enjoy each other before adding that kind of stress to the mix.

Thanks so much for the advice. I junk we might wait till marriage since it's not that far away and at least a year to have children. :)

Sawsall, thank you for your opinion, however, please remember that not everyone posting on AskMeHelpDesk (AMHD) is a Christian. We have many members who are of other religions. Unless the poster mentions his/her faith as part of the problem, it is a good idea to not preach on the Adult Sexuality board.

If it is a subject you feel strongly about, you might consider starting your own thread on the appropriate religious/discussion board or ask your own question about it on the Adult Sexuality board.

It seems strange to me that if you have been together for five years , since you were 14 and he 16 , that he would have any question about you since you are growing up together now and have been for the previous five years.

I think you should not let him know one way or the other and tell him if you are not good enough for him as you are ,
He should be movin' on.

What he askes is cheap, shallow, selfish , egotistical , belief in folklore that was outdated 40 years ago.
Don't put up with it.