My girlfriend of over 2 years, has just started staying with a sibling because she seems to be having the "mid 20's crisis". We have lived together for 2 years and bought a house last fall that I paid for, but we basically did together. I think she is to the point that she feels life is passing her by and she made so many "major" life decisions without giving it too much thought. She feels consumed by the relationship and has lost her own identity. Almost all of her friends have service industry jobs and have that connection and spend lots of late hours at the bars together. She is an extremely social person and I think being with me has removed her from that social experience of being young and life without commitments. I have an established career, and well off financially... but she feels like I may control the direction of the relationship because I like to make plans... She is more of a take what comes kind of person.

We really are best friends and I personally think are truly in love. But I could sense her distancing herself the past 2 weeks until yesterday she packed a bag and started staying with a sibling. I am not sure for what time... But she wants some space to clear her head and re-evaluate her life and make some decisions. We have a couple cats together, and feel like this was our family.

I feel completely abandoned, lonely, and unsure what is TRULY taking place here. She has tried to confirm to me that she loves me, wants to be with me, and return to stay. But she needs some time to clarity to perhaps find herself and make some decisions on what she wants for her life.

I would love to believe that this is the case... that she will spend a week or so apart, collect herself, realize that we are truly in love, should be together, and will work on our future together as a couple. BUT - when we met, I left a previous relationship in almost the same way, saying the same things, and left for an unspecified period. I never returned, because the reason I left was that I didn't think I wanted to be with that person, and I thought I had found someone better. I do not think this is the case with my current girlfriend... BUT I HAVE NO IDEA.

I have no idea how to proceed... Do I go the No Contact route? Does this sound familiar to anyone here? Do I plan for a break-up? How do I get more information about asking for a timeline for her to return "home" without pressing her? How much time is "fair". She says she is being selfish and sorry for hurting me this way. Then why can't we talk and figure this out together if I am not the issue and she truly is in love with me?

Please help...
JT

JT, I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and left wondering. My advice is to let her have her space right now. I am not saying "No Contact" though, as this is not a break up. But, what I will suggest is to let her contact you, or call her only if you have something that NEEDS to be said.

I can't say for sure what she is thinking, but maybe she is just making sure she is moving in the right direction. If things were moving pretty fast, she may be confused about where she is heading.

If she is reassuring you that she loves you, accept that and hope for the best. Prepare yourself for any scenario (break-up, moving back in, etc).

Best of luck, but in either situation, keep your head up and move forward.

Couples who don't work out their problems together tend to break up.

Me, I don't believe in breaks/needing space/clearing one's head etc.

I'd say this is heading for a break up,as in 'I'm letting you down gently'...

You have been together for two years, and have lived together for two years. No dating, getting to know each other just straight to living together??

I have to tell you that it would seem she, and you would have a better timetable, and some honest communications, without all that confusing drama in the two years you have been together, and I also think there is more here than a perfect relationship, that got rocky out of the blue.

Taken at face value, just leaving with no explanation is totally unacceptable to me, and I would be down, and disappointed, but would pack all her stuff up and, deliver it to where she was, and end this thing altogether. No drama, fanfare, or further explanations, and the healing would start right now, and there would be no looking back.

How does one allow such uncaring disrespect, and dishonesty from a partner? Sorry guy, but unless you are beating her, or something, there is no excuse to leave a partner in limbo and take off, with no end goal in sight, or agreement between you. When someone is that confused, you leave them alone, and plot your own path without them. She ended it and left, so you leave it and let go. Then you won't be confused, and can make a plan to be happy without her.

Limbo is not an option, and misery and pain is temporary, and optional. So don't go there. Am I missing something her?

Talaniman - I hear you... We were together for about 2 months before we moved in together... and been together ever since. Very good relationship... Friends and other family were always jealous of our relationship... how good we were together etc... Very strong bond. Then yeah, last month or so... just distancing herself a bit... staying out late with texting me and letting me know she would be coming home late (like 3am to 4am). No joke... usual bedtime for us is 10-11.

She just feels "lost" in the relationship I guess. Lost her own identity... I get the feeling... But to LEAVE... without any real timeline, or discussion that she was that unhappy. It has been very surreal and mind-boggling. I'm giving her some space for the time being. She is staying with a sibling, don't think she is cheating... But even after a couple of days of this... I'm feeling like I deserve better, and feel like I'm getting abandoned and crapped on. And trust me... I'm not going to deal with that.

I haven't dealt with this before... and I am giving her the benefit of the doubt for a week or so... But Im still 50/50 on how this will end up... but I am planning to move on without her. We have been inseparable from Day 1... she is still a bit young at 25... I am 31. Maybe she is having a mid-20's crisis... But either way... no one deserves to be left like this. I don't understand why things can't be worked out together, unless she feels controlled or I am the problem.

I sincerely appreciate these comments. My support system is a little light at the moment :-)

I know its rough when you are settled and comfortable, but its not all that unusual for people to have a change of heart, or feelings for doing other things.

I have always felt it best to always be ready for making adjustments when life changes things suddenly. Been through my share, and a clear plan of action gets me pumped, and busy, and that's what gets me through some tough times.

Plus waiting on someone to get it, I find takes forever, so why wait? Or do your own thing while you wait, and its best to always know what your thing is. Simply, take time to do whatever you want to do.

Sometimes things happen to get our attention and point out things in ourselves we need to work on or change. Maybe that's the upside of what you are going through. Making a few changes, so you do have a good support system, and not be so dependent on that one person to have a life that makes you happy.

Like I said, adjustments.

Brace yourself my man, if you haven't already.

She's breaking up.

Girls tend to have their mind made up and guys are oblivious.

I agree w/Tal. She disrespcting and you are wondering how to get her back. Don't even try.

Get in check. Slap your cheek hard.

If you REALLY want to get in check, go NC. For good. Show her what kind of man you actually are. Do it first.

Before she really does.

She just feels "lost" in the relationship I guess. Lost her own identity... I get the feeling... But to LEAVE... without any real timeline, or discussion that she was that unhappy.

Of course she's not going to stay with you. Doing so will mean she will have to answer to you for her actions. She'll have to tell you when she wants to go out.. answer questions you may have about who she's going out with and where.

She doesn't want those obligations. She'll float with who she wants where she wants when she wants with no hesitation.

I'd like to say give her a chance, but to be honest, there's a good reality check here that she won't. She'll get a taste of what it's like and given the 'mid 20 life crisis' she'll enjoy it too much to commit any time soon.

Do as the above posters have suggested, time to think about yourself and move on.

If she has left it is because she is craving space, so regardless of what the outcome of this situation will be, give her the space she needs to think. And don't plan for anything, just play it by ear after seeing the decisions she is making and acting appropriately.

Good luck,
Javi

You two have been together for a while; but I have learned as you are learning now, you do not want to be with someone that inconsiderate. Talaniman is very accurate in his responses. It's tough man, but it sometimes takes an attention grabber to look inside yourself. Unfortunately, she did not leave you a map as to where to start searching. Been in that boat sir; the bad news is the captain goes down with the ship (you and I being the captains). Stay busy, remind yourself of your accomplishments in this life so far, try not to look back (that's the hardest one).