So last night my partner and I got an a stupid argument over his feet smelling! He does manual work and his work boots make his feet smell.. what I don't get is... he knows this, and he knows the smell bothers me as it would to anyone, ( I don't think anyone likes smelly feet) so why when he comes home doesn't he immediately change them or even shower?! But NO he comes near me with his smelly feet.. My mistake is I can't help but remark that they stink! This happened a few times, and I think yesterday he got mega annoyed when I remarked about it, so we got in a fight!

A few minutes after the fight, he changed and went out!!
Half hour had gone so I decided to message him to say how stupid we both are arguing over something so silly! Well he didn't answer! He hardly ever does when these things happen (dont know why I even bothered) but anyway, so 1 hour after I messaged him saying he can do whatever he wants as it shows how childish he is and I'm silly always trying to make amends first and I get nowhere.

This mornin I find him passed out on sofa! He left for work in the afternoon.. and I went out... This is so pathetic.. but I'm annoyed of always trying to get in contact first because I hate friction and tension! You can say I caused by passing a remark that his feet smell but why can't he change immediately if he knows it bothers me?

Shall I try call? Message? Or just leave him deal with it?

you can say i caused by passing a remark that his feet smell but why can't he change immediately if he knows it bothers me?! Hello flower:

I wouldn't know what to DO about your situation. But, I couldn't live with anyone who has stinky feet. I can handle stinky pits - even stinky pubes.. But, I CANNOT stand stinky feet.

excon

I just don't get it.. I know he says he just wants to chill for abit after work which is fine but why can't he change or shower immediately instead of letting me smell his feet.. of course I pass a remark always.. anyone would!

He is acting really childish... esp as he didn't answer me yest, and slept all mornin went off to work 3 hours ago and I still don't hear from him!

He is acting really childish ... Hello again, flower:

Look. A relationship is based on agreements... If nagging doesn't work, try trading something.

excon

Good point... such as?

I could suggest I get him a clean pair of socks? That's good right?

Now based on the argument we had yesterday and we have not spoken today.. should I be AGAIN the first to call or message or just leave him be?

I'd leave him be for now. I would guess he's thinking it over and he may come to his own compromise. That would be better than you always being the one to make things better. You've already made an overture, so let him be until he's ready to talk.

I can understand to a point his wanting to chill but you'd think the smelly feet would bother him, too. You could bring him clean socks, or he could keep his shoes on or slip on different shoes or maybe slippers. I would think that washing his feet would feel nice and refreshing, but he's not realizing that yet.

good point... such as?Hello again, flower:

Let me see... What does a guy really like to do with his girl?? Uhhhmmm, is it grocery shopping? Is it cleaning up the yard?? I don't know WHAT you might have that he wants - a LOT... Maybe you can think of something..

Should you talk to him first?? Nahhh... Be sweet. When he takes his shoes off, tell him he's going to be sleeping alone tonight. Then smile, and tell him what's for dinner.

excon

Thank you... but I get worried he won't come to his own compromise.. or just come home and act like nothing has happened! That's not OK is it?

I make him remove his shoes because we have a little toddler who crawls everywhere.
Its been a few years now.. how long can it take a person to realise that having a washing is refreshing!
He says he is too tired sometimes after work! He does very strenuous job however. But I still believe a nice hot shower will help him relax after a hefty day at work!

It's not okay that he won't communicate with you. You've been together for years and have a child together - that's good reason to find a solution that works for both of you. You are being respectful in your tone here, but give some thought about how you approach him. He seems to be acting as if he's sensitive about this - or maybe he's just stubborn. I'd give some thought to those slippers - something to cover his feet that are clean enough to walk where your toddler crawls.

Stubborn is the word!
Yesterday in the argument he told me I should NOT have to always tell him because he knows they smell.! Goes to show.. he thinks I should just respect his smelly socks and deal with it till he is READY to change them!

It seems to be obvious what he could do, but he's dug in his heels. He's going to have to be open to making a change, but he won't do that if you keep on him about it. Give him some time to cool off.

I am wondering if you can find a product to put in his workboots - maybe a disinfectant spray to kill bacteria in his shoes, or I'd think some company like Dr. Scholl's would make an insert for the boots that would help. Is it possible that the boots have inserts or insoles that can be removed and washed?

Apart from the fact that his socks and feet stink(disgusting,I agree! ),is there a lack of honest adult communication in your relationship?

What else is there that you might add to your post ?

Amicon.. nothing else to add! Why you ask?

Just Looking.. good point about Dr. Scholls.. ill look into it Thanks

I asked,as often,repeated arguments that don't get resolved stand for other issues that don't get addressed.

Very good point but I don't think we do! But this issue has been addressed before and never resolved because he doesn't do anything about it.. all he thinks of relaxing when he comes home and doesn't consider ME smelling his feet.. I'm not asking much, am I? For him to change his socks as soon as he comes in before coming to chill near me?

Nooo,you're not!

Teatree oil?

See his doctor?

Hello again, f:

Just an editorial comment - Smelly feet are a particularly offensive odor, and I don't know of ANY remedy for it. Divorce comes to mind.

excon

He is very stubborn.. I know my husband.. I think the only way this can be resolved is getting something from dr. scholls and / or preparing a clean pair of socks ready in living room for him to change as soon as he gets in ;)

Still no call or message! If I don't hear from him till late, I still don't bother to call or message?

I'd say let it be flower,leave him to his little sulks.

Excon.. if you ar serious about Divorce, then this world would be a total screw up! :P

Yes amicon.. I am going to let him be.. and see how he is when he gets home! Ill just play cool and prepare a pair of clean socks on the couch for him :D

But the truth is it sadness me that he doesn't even call or text message me :(
But I shouldn't really because he never really has done.. rarely.. I can count the amount on times on 1 hand :(

My feet aren't super stinky naturally, but my flats get a little smelly after a couple of days of wearing them (since I don't wear socks with them).

Dr. Scholl's makes a powder that you put into your shoes and it really helps to cut the smell. With more of a clinical smell, I'm not sure if it helps, but it's worth a try.

As far as the communication problem-he needs to be able to speak with you about your issues, not just run away when it gets too hard. That is a problem and will continue to be a problem if you don't check it now. When you're both calm, you and he should talk about what bothered you and why.

Maybe you can consider how you approach him and ask yourself if maybe your method puts him on the defense immediately. Maybe there's a more gentle way of bringing it up than you normally do. Asking him, calmly and sensitively, to please let you help him come up with a solution to his smell, might be the only way.

Good luck.

but the truth is it sadness me that he doesnt even call or text msg me :(
But i shouldnt really because he never really has done.. rarely.. i can count the amount on times on 1 hand :(

I would talk to him about this as well.

Yes I will but ill wait till he comes home.. I don't think I should call him just to tell him that

I think a good time to discuss these things would be when you are both rested and not stressed out.

I'm inclined to think this suggestion would actually work.

Yes its true!

Let the baby sulk, he will get tired of this crap if you leave him alone, and spray his socks with Fabreze when he gets home, and takes his shoes off.

Either that, or have a beer, and a hot bath ready for him. Two beers, and a guy will take off anything you want. At least that will distract him while you spray his feet.

Sometimes being creative to solve problems is better than arguing, or even talking about it, especially given that you are resenting always being the one to give in first. Stubborn guys have a hard time admitting they are wrong. So leave him alone until he is finished making his point!

You are right, it was a silly argument to have. If someone ELSE were to tell him about his feet, he might take notice, so just spray until the kid can tell dad his feet stink. Too bad you don't have a dog to roll over and play dead, or howl, or something, when he takes his shoes off, he would get it then.

Better yet, put his socks on a pillow next to his head while he sleeps, that will wake him up! See, creative, and a bit of devious cruelty. Then he will know what you are talking about.

Is hard for a man to change his habits, and smelly feet normally does not bother the owner, just everyone around him. Tell him to jump in the shower as soon as he gets back from work. As for now, let him cool off on his own till he comes back home.

Good luck,
Javi