View Full Version : Husband not caring
Nits12345
Apr 30, 2011, 11:38 AM
I am married for 3 years. We have a kid too.. Till now the relationship never went well.. We both are working and we get time together mainly on weekends. My husband never cares about my feelings. He says and does whatever he like. There will be complaint about my looks, my dressings, my cooking everything.. even if everyone else praises he just compaints about it.. sometimes he shows he loves me.. but that also stay for minutes or hrs... after wedding he has never taken me out for a trip or anything and not even thought about getting a gift for me on my birthday or anniversaries... when I talk to him he just keeps quiet or just ignores.. he has started beating me also nowadays.. I am not able to adjust at all with him... I did a suicide attempt also but in vain... I married him with lot of hope and dreams... I am thinking to stay away from him or get divorce.. but not able to take a decision because of the kid... I cannot think about my child living without a father... what to do
mogrann
Apr 30, 2011, 11:44 AM
I was in an abusive relationship and can tell you that you are doing your child no favor by staying. You are teaching them that it is okay for a man to abuse a woman emotionally and physically. There are shelters that can help you get out and be safe.
dddbearden
Apr 30, 2011, 05:42 PM
You are only hurting your child worse. Been there done that too. Do all of yourselves a favor and leave. It will be the best decision you could ever make.
talaniman
May 7, 2011, 04:56 PM
Is divorce allowed in your culture? Tell someone you trust what is going on and see if they can help and support you through this.
Nits12345
May 9, 2011, 01:25 AM
Yes.. Divorce is possible... But I don't want to take that extreme step which will not bring any kind of happiness in all three of us lives. I want to sort out the things. That's what I am going to do.. talk to someone else and solve this.. divorce and separation shouldn't be an option always. ( I got some kind of strength to solve the problems between us after posting this issue over here). Thanks a lot.
mogrann
May 9, 2011, 01:56 AM
Please seek professional advice. I agree divorce should not always be the answer BUT you are risking your child to follow in his fathers or your footsteps. The percentage of children raised in homes where spousal abuse is happening who enter the same type of relationship is HIGH.
It is your choice but please be aware of the risks.. women are killed by their abusive husbands daily. I wish you the best of luck.
talaniman
May 9, 2011, 06:34 AM
It would seem to me that you make him aware that you will leave if he cannot be more respectful, and treat you better as a good example of man hood for your child. Divorce is a hard choice to make, and should not be taken lightly, but bad behavior should NOT be taken lightly either. To allow bad behavior so your child can have a father is a very flawed way of thinking in my book, since the father can still be a father if you are divorced. Its just you would not be subject to his abuse, with some very clear boundaries, and rules in place.
Divorce is not just separation from your husband, but rules concerning child support, and visitations also, and its his choice if he will be a good father or not, as is yours to be a good mother, or NOT. Many parents work better for the best interest of the child, when they are separated, and found happiness apart from each other.
Homegirl 50
May 9, 2011, 08:38 AM
It could happen that your child would live without a mother if your husband gets really violent.
It is not good for children to grow up witnessing abuse and it certainly is not good for you to stay in a marriage and be abused.
For your physical and emotional well being and the well being of your child, I would think divorce is a wise option.
Nits12345
May 9, 2011, 10:34 AM
Yes. True.. But I have seen couple of my friend's state whose parents were divorced.. the mental torture they face is not imaginable... even their parents can't understand... don't want to see my son also in that condition... I know I am living in a world where divorce s not a big thing.. but I won't be able to tolerate that.. n I don't think even my husband will be able to face it.. n atlast I took the decision to talk to him again before I talk to someone else about this.. becoz thot of giving him a last chance as I felt he won't be doing it purposefully... he may need some mental support... I know he has only office and home.. he never goes out with friends and don't have any habit of drinking or smoking... becoz he don't have time for all those... n he is a very good father too..
Homegirl 50
May 9, 2011, 10:46 AM
He may be a good father but he is beating you. How will he justify to his son what he is doing to his mother. That is not being a good father. That is teaching him abuse is acceptable. This is not something a child should be exposed to.
My parents were divorced and we were all well adjusted. We saw our dad all the time. A child seeing his parents fighting is just as detrimental as divorce.
But no matter what we say, you will know what you need to do when you get tired of being beat.