I am 48 and went out with the ex when I was 35 and we walked away and remained friends. I wanted more and he didn't after 4 years. We tried to go out a bit Saturday nights 4 years back and he professed to my friend that he loved me. But I asked him about it going further and he said lets just take it slowly and I replied we have known each other 10 years ! I got fed up and didn't pursue things and he allowed me to walk away again ! In that he made no contact. I moved on and met someone else but when I found out that though ex had lost his job lent him some money to set up on his own. I never let him know I was seeing anyone else as my new boyfriend was not as serious about me as I was him. However, the new one spoilt me rotten and took me everywhere and looked after me and I fell for him. However, it split because he was always looking for someone else and became emotionally abusive and it cracked me up in the end. The ex still owed me this money and I phoned about that and we started to see each other just for a drink on a Saturday again. When I asked if it would ever go anywhere he said he had his dogs and his truck at home and his brother only saw his girlfirend once a week. I wasted 4 years when I was 35 never seeing him or having a life so when the new boyfriend appeared on the doorstep again I took a chance as I still missed him. The ex followed me when I wasn't available to go out on the Saturday night and found out where the newest one lived and nearly banged the door down. Nothing sexual was going on with either of them at this point. I was seeing he old one every sat for a drink and the old one had appeared after 5 months of being apart. It got worse he followed me and then shouted and pointed at me as though I had been a right slapper and I tried to explain that I had taken a chance because I still felt after 12 years of knowing him I still didn't have anything. I mean I was sitting o my own all week with the old one , couldn't see anyone as I was in a relationship but not really ! I got back with the new one but then the old one rang him and threatened him to leave me alone and stop doorstepping so the new one of 3 years didn't want to see me any more but eventually did. I got back and we went on hol only to find he was going on dating sites to find someone else and telling the he didn't love me.
I was devastated as he was still spoiling me and taking me everywhere but then my mind went back my old buddy . I had been living with a conscience about him for months as when he kicked off over seeing someone else he then said he realised he had never offered me a commitment and suddenly wanted one after 13 years. I was torn. I had the ld one telling me he loved me and the new one saying he didn't. In my heart of hearts I thought I might be best off without either. Its taken me forever to try and heal over the one who spoilt me and I have had the other one preying on my mind wondering if he meant it and to give it a go. I was still being bothered up until amonth ago by the newer one but resisted o go back as he was seeing someone else and lying to me. I was on the verge of giving it a go with the one I have known for years until this week when he kicked off on a night out because of another man who is just a friend and was out in a crowd but who I must admit tried to stir things as he has been wanting to be more than friends. I go out I a crowd with him and only see him as a friend and I told him that I was going out with someone when he rang me to go out in the crowd but then he turned up , kept ringing me and began to annoy my ex. In view of his insecurity from before I can understand and this friend I have purely platonic was trying to put him down. I was quite outgoing as a lotof people I know were out so wasn't giving undivided attention to the ex but kept going back to him if I was chatting conscious to not leave him alone. He sent me to the bar earlier and I realised I had no money and had to ask him for some and he gave me some to buy a round but meanwhile the friend muscled in offering me this ten pound and the more I refused the more he insisted. He was beginning to annoy me as well as the ex. At the end of the night my ex said he felt as though there were 3 on the night out even though the friend was out in a crowd and kept reiterating that me and him were only friends. I got it I the neck off the ex and he ended up calling me a b... and a t... t and then kept arguing with me over the 10 oound loan at the bar. THis was because the interfering friend had questioned him on me going to the bar without any money. He was off his trolley and like said was getting on my wires too. But I feel hurt as when I got home the ex slammed the front door and walked out of my life again like in the past. I just feel that I have wasted time let him ruin my relationship with the one who spoilt me by threatening him and I could never relax as I knew he was driving past his house to see if my car was there etc. Just feel that the old one is jealous and dangerous, the new one just kept mucking about and eventually I caught him looking at obscene stuff on the internet and this riend I have has just tried to stir everything. I feel hurt that the one I have known for 13 years could take it out on me and made me feel like a slapper as though I was doing something wrong for having a personality. Came out of one verbually abusive relationship to go out with antoher thte weekend. He should have decked the person annoying him not me. But the strange thing he was quite civil with him when we left the pub but had a go at me behind the scenes. I woke up feeling like so and so with my head under the duvet on Saturday and I am trying to do some work for uni and I can't get into it and the deadline is in 2 days. I am hurt. Should I contact the ex to have it out or should I let it go like I have done in the past? I am scared of someone thinking they can try to control me and of them being that jealous. It's a side I had never seen until the last year and I feel sad. Any advice as to how I can feel better about all of this ?

This is just too long to read and digest. Hopefully someone else will come along.

I'd stop contacting the "ex" - it sound to me like you are on the verge of harassing him. It hasn't worked out in the past. I don't think it will work out now.

I would not stay with anyone who called me insulting names.

If you want to feel better about yourself I would suggest that you speak to a professional about why you think/feel/act the way you do.

You need to learn how to put your feelings and story into about one twentieth of what you are doing.

Try to express this again in just 3 sentences using Answer below: You have a long drawn out relationship with an ex, who doesn't see you enough but is jealous of new boyfriends? Now you want to know whether to let it go or duke it out? Are those good for the first two?

Maybe a good suggestion would be neither. Communication is everything. It doesn't sound like you and your ex have ever had a heart to heart. Hopes and fears, childhoods and future dreams, feelings about each other, all that, for hours.

It hasn't been me harassing either of the ex s it is usually them who make contact first and between them have caused a lot of hassle. They have both acted like a couple of nut cases , tend to think its maybe them who need therapy. Stalking and jealousy combined with womanising and verbal abuse isn't good when you simplify it. Some good advice though, thanks.