Hello all,

I am in a bit of a weird place. My husband has a female friend that he has known for about a year now. He started talking to her on the internet and eight months later we ended up moving to her town and we now live on her street (about 3 houses down from her). Point is, my husband has female friends and I don't have a problem with any of them except for her. When we moved here, she was seemingly nice to me and I thought it is great that he can have a friend right down the street and he seemed so happy about it. Then I started feeling like something was going on between them a couple of weeks later. She wrote me an email and said she cannot be friends with me because of how she feels about my husband. I told my husband she wrote me and he said I shouldn't worry and I should trust him. I should understand that she can't help that she fell in love with him. So, I kept feeling terrible and I kept thinking something wasn't right and it turns out, I was right. I saw them kissing and I was so hurt, because he lied to me and kept telling me they were only friends the whole time. We are normally very open with each other about everything.
He told me he would stop seeing her... that lasted a week. Then he said he wanted to talk to her, because he felt like she is a special person and could really be a great friend for him. I believed him, because he said he did not want us to split up and I allowed it.
Then he started visiting her more again and I still had the weird feeling, like in the pit of my stomach.
About a month later, he came to me and said he kissed her again while they went for a walk in the woods.
This time I told him I think it is time for us to split up, because I cannot handle the stress of this. He needs to either deal with her and really be her friend and explain to her that he doesn't want anything from her or stop talking to her completely or I move out.
He went to her and told her he will not be splitting with me (she was under the impression that he was willing to leave me for her, she even told my husband I didn't have a chance while she was around... my husband told me everything they talk about, he is very honest with me about it now). She got angry with him and didn't talk to him for about a week, then they started talking again.
Since then, my husband and I have talked a lot. We have been together for 12 years and we know that splitting up would not be in our best interest. We love each other. But, he really truly thinks this woman is his friend. He has repeatedly told her he wants to stay friends with her and that he would like for her to someday be friends with me.
She says she wants to be friends as well, but I feel like this woman is lying. I have had a bad feeling about her from the start... I don't have this feeling with any of his other female friends.
So, now... here is my question... How do I deal with this situation? On the one hand I want to see my husband happy, but on the other hand, I want this woman out of my life. I am not a controlling person and I know that my husband is honest and completely open with me about her. How do I get over this bad feeling and let my husband be friends with her?
I appreciate any help I can get.

The red flag is the kissing part. You can be friends with someone your spouse doesn't like, You can be friends with the opposite sex with nothing happening, but a kiss is not "nothing". If one drew an imaginary line one should not cross. That is one such line.

If she or he is going to pursue something she should not have. Then the friendship should end. Dancing around the real issue isn't going to do anything but court it happening again.. and again.

Thank you for your answer. I know the kissing was a red flag, but I really trust this man and I trust that he is telling me the truth. I truly thing he just wants to be friends with her, but I am finding it really hard to get past the other stuff, especially when she wants nothing to do with me.
As far as my husband goes... Is it my place to forbid anyone anything? Don't we all make mistakes and don't we all deserve a second chance?

Personally, as a man and a husband... FORBIDDING something is opening up a can of worms. While I can understand your viewpoint... you also have to see he has one too. And it can quickly cause its own and new set of problems.

He should however distance himself from an inappropriate situation on his own out of respect for the spouse.

Marriage is a partnership... when one starts demanding and forbidding they are putting themselves on a higher pedestal.

Now... having spent a lot of time in Europe where a cheek kiss or more like a cheek bump is a common greeting. Was this a kiss on the mouth or on the cheek? Did he return it? What I'm saying is a kiss isn't always a kiss. Depending on what culture she grew up around can determine if it was a kiss to worry about or a kiss to think nothing about.

He needs to end the relationship once and for all. Knowing full well that she is interested in him as more than a friend, and knowing that it makes you very uncomfortable are both reasons he should distance himself and not communicate with her.

There is no way you are going to be able to become friends with a woman who you know is after your husband and that he has a soft spot for. Not to mention who he has kissed more than once and lied to you about it. He also lied about not seeing her anymore. You've got several red flags flying!

He is not showing you or your marriage the respect it deserves. He is putting his desire to have her as a friend, maybe he likes that she is so into him, ahead of how you feel.

I have to wonder what he would be thinking if things were turned around and you became friends with a guy down the street who made it clear that he really liked you and wanted to be with you, and you spent time alone with him, kissed him, and went for walks in the woods with him.

He needs to stop his "vistis" and his walks in the woods with her, if there is not a group event, he does not need to be alone. He has proved he can not be trusted , so he has to be treated as someone who is not trusted.

Of course he wants to keep seeing her, my guess more than kissing is going on by this point if the kissing is public enough to be seen.

Your husband is an idiot, and you should tell him its plain stupid to still associate with someone that means his wife no good.

Good men don't disrespect their wives in this way, and maybe a personal word discreetly given to her is in order.

My wife describes discreetly as a very serious threat of harm if she even talks to your man again, or entertain any conversation with me... er... him, I mean.

Did I say DISCREETLY, oh and he sleeps on the porch until he gets it. Do you know how to make burnt toast?? That's what not so good husbands get fed for being stupid.

My reply is late. However my husband had a female friend who mysteriously appeared around 7 months into the marriage. In two years of being with him I had never even met her. Not only did I find a series of text messages where she was bashing me and encouraging him to leave me... but she also took it upon her self to send me several emails telling me that I was behaving juvenile after I had busted him for cheating on me with several women. For two months while we were separated I warned my husband that I would never approve of the friendship and that he would have to let her go. Instead he continued to defend this person despite the disrespect she showed me. Needless to say we are now in divorce proceedings... at least the idiot still has a friend.