Dear whoever this question gets to,
I just don't understand my mum sometimes. She can be lovely and bubbly one minute, and then she'll snap at me and the rest of my family! I just don't get it. Another side to her personality is that she can be so crude and indiscreet at times, for example, we were at my gran's house for tea one Saturday and we heard my poor gran accidentally let out a fart, and she opened her mouth and said, "Who just parped!" By the way, that's her word for fart. Mind you, I can sometimes be a little indiscreet, even if unintentionally, but how can she blame me for that when she's exactly the same? I could go on for hours describing what she's like, but overall I think the worst side to her personality is that she is always so horrible towards my Dad, who does nothing to make her angry, well, according to her, he does. She'll do this especially when he's getting work done around the house, and she'll call him sorts of names, but I won't name them. She'll also tell guests bad stuff about him or try to humiliate him in front of them. I think she has no tact whatsoever. Plus, she once told him that he needs to be sectioned if you know what I mean, but to me, I think she's the one who needs to be, sorry for saying that, but that's just how it's making me feel. I also want to add that she's a social worker who works with people with all sorts of problems, so if she can treat people outside of the family well, why not us? From my knowledge of what her own family was like, it sounds as if she didn't have a bad upbringing at all, although her dad which is now my late grandad could lose his temper at times when she was a kid, but not to the same extent.
Is there anything I can do to make her see her problems? My dad has had to put up with it at least 20 odd years and has tried to make her realise, without success and its really getting me down. Any help would be appreciated.

It sounds to me like you are getting to know your mum - warts and all. We all come to this stage sooner or later; when we see our parents for the human beings that they are. The thing to remember is that you are not your mum and she is not you and that you are never going to change her. If you’re up for it, you could try to have a chat with her and explain that some of her comments are embarrassing for you.

Thanks for the tip, but I've actually tried explaining to her about how her comments make me feel and it didn't work.

Sorry to hear that.
Perhaps in time things will change for the better.

Mind if I ask your age?

17. But please don't tell anyone.

Sweetie, at 17 years of age you are coming into your own. You are discovering who you want to be - and who you do not want to be. Soon you will no longer live with your parents and will make a life for yourself. I imagine that at some point in time you will also start doing or saying some of the things that your mother does or says. There often comes a time in a person's life where they do that. I remember that my daughter used to think I was 'weird' or 'crazy' for singing silly little songs or dancing around the house to bring some humour and happiness into our lives during tough times. Now she does exactly the same thing and my grandkids think she's 'nuts'! :)

I'm not saying that you might have some very real concerns there. Your Mom may not treat your Dad with the respect he deserves. The thing is, people are the people they are. If it's horrible behaviors we don't have to accept. If it's silly, ignorant things most of us just choose to love and accept our friends or family members the way they are and move past it.

Try to see that despite her faults, your Mom probably has a lot of really good traits. Concentrate on the good and ignore the ones you don't like. In fact, when she does something you like you can even say, "I hope I'm like that when I'm older/a mom/a wife." or "I really love it when..." Just try not to give the things you perceive as negative any great importance in your life. I take it that your Mom in general is an okay person. I mean am I correct in assuming that she doesn't beat you or drink or do drugs? I presume she is a faithful wife who doesn't cheat on her husband and she's home for you and your Dad when you need her to be most of the time?

Your mother may have no tact or she may be hurting in ways you just don't know. She could be hiding a lot of feelings or experiences. I'm sure there are many things about your parents and their relationship that you aren't privy to. I'm sure she has her own set of frustration. However, it's not your job to judge her - only yourself. Love her because she gave birth to you. Love her because she is there for you. Love her because she is a huge part of the reason you have become the young woman you are. Make the absolute best of your life, keep things positive and continue to grow. Get a great education and chose a career that will fulfill you. Make mental note of the things you don't want to do and be as you get older. If it helps, keep a diary. Above all, remember to treat your mother (and others) they way you want them to treat you.

I'm sure it will all work out in time. Try not to give it too much importance in your life and it will make it far more bearable. Also, if this is truly affecting your life, then please find someone that you can talk to and share with... not to harp on the things you can't change over and over again... but to get them off your chest, let go and move on to more important things.

Trust me, you will look back on this time and chuckle at some point in your life.

Hugs, Didi

alexandradrozdz,

Thanks for coming back about your age. I agree with what was said above and don't really have anything to add except that sometimes these things just work themselves out and all we need to do is not let them rule our life.

Best wishes for a happy future.