Tags010509
Apr 20, 2011, 07:48 PM
I just wanted to share my story and get any advice from the members here.
Our history. We are both in our early 20's and both about to graduate college. We met over 2 years ago and got engaged about 7 months ago. We both come from military families and both only want to do marriage once. That and she was raised in a Southern disciplined family and I in a Northern style family. She lives with her parents still and I moved to my grandmother's to make college easier. We were in a long distance relationship.
Well a little history on her. She has always lived with her parents. They never allowed her to really do anything and being her age it's pathetic that she had those rules. Also they always made up her mind for her. She went to one university but failed out of it. So she is going to a community college doing the nursing program.
About 3 weeks ago her brother had just gotten married. She was stressed because she didn't want to be involved in it, but she felt obligated. Do to her family's beliefs our engagement was never formally announced and I was not invited to her brother's wedding. Well after she had gotten back from the wedding. (I learned this after the fact and is what mostly confuses me) She started to wonder about us, but said she tried to push the feelings inside and hide them. About a week after she had been back we had talked and she told me that that weekend she was going to announce to her family we were engaged. Mind you her main family is down south. So we had started to talk about what we were going to do about our wedding. We started to talk about locations and the pastor. I thought we were good, but what everyone should learn (Is that the spouse is the last to know.) Well she is in the nursing program at her school and has her clinical's late at night and my classes are in the morning. But this is only for the next 3 weeks and started 2 weeks ago, so only a short time. And she only has them 2 days a week. So we could still talk some.
Well our primary way of talking is on Skype due to the distance, although I do see her quite often. For about a week before we split, we had barley talked. She had been really busy with some things and was feeling sick so was sleeping a lot and I had to do some work on the house. That Thursday 3 weeks after the wedding. I had called her and asked her what weekend was good for her. Our anniversary was coming up and wanted to do something special. The next day we split.
She told me that she was confused and wanted some time to herself to figure some things out. She said that when I asked her what weekend. It made her realize she couldn't suppress the feelings anymore. She said that she couldn't do it to me anymore and needed to break it off. She didn't want to hurt me anymore and thought it would be easier to break it off, because she didn't know how long it would take her. She also wasn't sure about us getting married right now either because she doesn't think she can be fully committed because she is so confused. (I agrre with this)
Now when we first met. She had mentioned that she didn't really know what she wanted to do. I truly believe this is the underlying issue coming out 2 years later. She had mentioned it to me over 2 years ago, but never mentioned them after a while because she had realized she loved me and wanted to pursue our relationship.
I still love her and have hopes that for the future. I told her I will respect her decision and am giving her the space she wanted. So she can figure those things out. I spoke to her 3 days after because I had questions and was just hurt. So now I am doing my best to not be the first to contact her. The problem with that is she feels like she still needs me, and when something goes wrong she calls me first. (that happens often do to her parents being so hardcore with her. They always fight with her.) Im trying to be nice and console her but also maintain my distance, by just being friends. I am trying to move on, I know I definitely won't be ready for a relationship anytime soon, but I am focusing on graduating college.
When she told me she is confused. She said I wouldn't understand. She said it makes sense in her mind and she doesn't know how to explain it. We are both about to graduate college, or at least I am. (I don't mean that meanly, but she doesn't know if she wants to do nursing anymore.) And know she isn't cheating on me and doesn't have feelings for another person. I know she love's me and I know her well enough to know her heart wants me to wait for her even though she is confused. I am waiting for my heart to heal, maybe in a few months. I'll be able to judge if we have anything left and judge. If I should move on completely and just try to stay friends.
I just want to know if I am making the right decision and If anyone has any idea what's in her mind? Is she confused about us, or is she just that lost with herself or has just lost her way in life?
Our history. We are both in our early 20's and both about to graduate college. We met over 2 years ago and got engaged about 7 months ago. We both come from military families and both only want to do marriage once. That and she was raised in a Southern disciplined family and I in a Northern style family. She lives with her parents still and I moved to my grandmother's to make college easier. We were in a long distance relationship.
Well a little history on her. She has always lived with her parents. They never allowed her to really do anything and being her age it's pathetic that she had those rules. Also they always made up her mind for her. She went to one university but failed out of it. So she is going to a community college doing the nursing program.
About 3 weeks ago her brother had just gotten married. She was stressed because she didn't want to be involved in it, but she felt obligated. Do to her family's beliefs our engagement was never formally announced and I was not invited to her brother's wedding. Well after she had gotten back from the wedding. (I learned this after the fact and is what mostly confuses me) She started to wonder about us, but said she tried to push the feelings inside and hide them. About a week after she had been back we had talked and she told me that that weekend she was going to announce to her family we were engaged. Mind you her main family is down south. So we had started to talk about what we were going to do about our wedding. We started to talk about locations and the pastor. I thought we were good, but what everyone should learn (Is that the spouse is the last to know.) Well she is in the nursing program at her school and has her clinical's late at night and my classes are in the morning. But this is only for the next 3 weeks and started 2 weeks ago, so only a short time. And she only has them 2 days a week. So we could still talk some.
Well our primary way of talking is on Skype due to the distance, although I do see her quite often. For about a week before we split, we had barley talked. She had been really busy with some things and was feeling sick so was sleeping a lot and I had to do some work on the house. That Thursday 3 weeks after the wedding. I had called her and asked her what weekend was good for her. Our anniversary was coming up and wanted to do something special. The next day we split.
She told me that she was confused and wanted some time to herself to figure some things out. She said that when I asked her what weekend. It made her realize she couldn't suppress the feelings anymore. She said that she couldn't do it to me anymore and needed to break it off. She didn't want to hurt me anymore and thought it would be easier to break it off, because she didn't know how long it would take her. She also wasn't sure about us getting married right now either because she doesn't think she can be fully committed because she is so confused. (I agrre with this)
Now when we first met. She had mentioned that she didn't really know what she wanted to do. I truly believe this is the underlying issue coming out 2 years later. She had mentioned it to me over 2 years ago, but never mentioned them after a while because she had realized she loved me and wanted to pursue our relationship.
I still love her and have hopes that for the future. I told her I will respect her decision and am giving her the space she wanted. So she can figure those things out. I spoke to her 3 days after because I had questions and was just hurt. So now I am doing my best to not be the first to contact her. The problem with that is she feels like she still needs me, and when something goes wrong she calls me first. (that happens often do to her parents being so hardcore with her. They always fight with her.) Im trying to be nice and console her but also maintain my distance, by just being friends. I am trying to move on, I know I definitely won't be ready for a relationship anytime soon, but I am focusing on graduating college.
When she told me she is confused. She said I wouldn't understand. She said it makes sense in her mind and she doesn't know how to explain it. We are both about to graduate college, or at least I am. (I don't mean that meanly, but she doesn't know if she wants to do nursing anymore.) And know she isn't cheating on me and doesn't have feelings for another person. I know she love's me and I know her well enough to know her heart wants me to wait for her even though she is confused. I am waiting for my heart to heal, maybe in a few months. I'll be able to judge if we have anything left and judge. If I should move on completely and just try to stay friends.
I just want to know if I am making the right decision and If anyone has any idea what's in her mind? Is she confused about us, or is she just that lost with herself or has just lost her way in life?