Hi I am looking for adoptive parents for my baby girl and I do not want to go through adoption agency because I want her adoptive parents to use the money on her well being please advise me here EMAIL REMOVED

Amanda,

Honey, you don't look for adoptive parents online like this. You could get ANYONE--child abusers, pedophiles, people looking to raise little girls up to be sex slaves, ANYTHING.

I have also removed your email address. All responses should be here, on these boards.

The money adoptive parents pay through an agency is to make sure that they pass background checks and are eligible by the state to adopt. It's also to cover your medical expenses and the expenses of the baby, as well as all court and legal costs.

Yes, it's expensive to adopt--but there are VERY good reasons to go through an agency--reasons like making sure the adoptive parents are safe and that your child will be safe.

Amanda, Hi my name is Kandace, my husband and I, are looking to adopt a child. We have been trying to have a baby for 2 and 1/2 years and so far, we are unsuccessful. We want to adopt a baby, as well as hopefully, have our own baby someday. That might not happen though. Regardless of whether we can have a biological child, we have always wanted to adopt. We have been married for almost 3 years and have been together for 7 years. We are willing to do almost anything to adopt a baby. We are willing to go through an agency or do a private adoption. We are willing to go through whatever background investigations are necessary. I know we will pass. I am a paramedic and my husband is a nurse. We both have to go through extensive background investigations for our jobs. We are also open to the idea of both an open or closed adoption. If you are interested in giving your baby up for adoption I would love to talk with you. You are a brave person to consider your options. Thank you for not choosing to have an abortion. Whether you keep your baby or give her up it is so good that you are giving your baby the beautiful gift of life. Whether I hear from you or not I will pray for you and your baby. Good luck with your pregnancy and with the decisions that you are going to be making. If you want to, you can email me at {email removed for privacy} Thank you for posting your question. Best wishes. Kandace

This is not a adopt a child web site, your best choice is to use an agency, if not you will need to use a private attorney and there is always going to be costs.

There will need to be background checks, home studies and more if you really want the child to go to a good home.

Amanda, I deleted your post because when you comment, there is no way to edit it.

We do not allow off-site contact.

ALL email addresses, yahoo/msn/icq information, phone numbers, Facebook information, etc---it ALL gets deleted.

You can either talk about your situation here, or you can not talk about it.

In addition, we are NOT an adoption site. We are a Q&A site. AMHD is not a place to meet birthparents or adoptive parents to facilitate an adoption.

If the both of you want to take this further, I suggest you go to a site that DOES facilitate adoptions and use the same screen names. Personal information here WILL be deleted.

And Amanda--I'm a birthmother. I placed my child for adoption several years ago. You NEED to seek out services in your area to help birthparents. Whether you go with an agency or a private adoption is up to you, but before you do ANYTHING, you should get some counseling so that you understand exactly what you are getting yourself and your child into.

I find your lack of concern regarding the background of the adoptive parents appalling, honestly. Do you WANT to hand your child over to someone who has not had a background check, a financial check, and a home visit to make sure they're not abusing any children they already have? You need to talk to someone involved in adoption law so that you can find out what your rights are, and what you should be looking for in adoptive parents.

I'm not sure this isn't a scam.

ALL parties should proceed with caution.

I'd also like to point out that you can't put the baby up for adoption at ALL without the father's permission as well.

Do you have that?

Do you already have prospective parents in mind? My husband and I have been looking into adoption for a while now. I can't see us going though an agency to adopt. I'm in nursing school and he is in a trade apprenticeship. We can afford our home and basic needs but realistically, we can't afford tens of thousands of dollars on adoption agency fees and lawyers. We have been trying for a baby for five years with no luck. My nephews who are 3 and 5 spend a lot of time with us but it's not the same. I had considered fostering but that really seems like a heartache waiting to happen. It would be horrible to fall in love with a kid and get it all settled in my family and then have it taken away. Best of luck to you and her both.

Do you already have prospective parents in mind? My husband and I have been looking into adoption for a while now. I can't see us going though an agency to adopt. I'm in nursing school and he is in a trade apprenticeship. We can afford our home and basic needs but realistically, we can't afford tens of thousands of dollars on adoption agency fees and lawyers. We have been trying for a baby for five years with no luck. My nephews who are 3 and 5 spend a lot of time with us but it's not the same. I had considered fostering but that really seems like a heartache waiting to happen. It would be horrible to fall in love with a kid and get it all settled in my family and then have it taken away. Best of luck to you and her both.

Here's my problem - the moment you refer to baby or child as a "kid" you lose the Court's interest and mine.

I understand your sentiments which are valid. However, in my area (at least) adoptions don't cost "thousands of dollars." Have you actually investigated the cost? You appear to be on a limited budget. Could you afford a child?

How awful that these are such tough financial times that money has to enter into this entire equation!

Actually, I used to think that about adoption too.

Until I was involved in the adoption community.

It SHOULD cost money to adopt. Otherwise, good actors get their hands on kids for nefarious purposes, and the child slave trade stays alive and well.

To adopt an infant through an agency in the US costs between $13k and $25k, last I looked (which was within the last 2 years, when I was looking at adoption myself). It's actually CHEAPER in some cases to go with IVF.

While I agree that the amount of money is exhorbitant, please remember that it covers: ALL legal fees, both for the adoptive parent side and the birthparent side; ALL medical fees for the mother and child throughout the pregnancy; ALL counseling involved--and every single person involved in the adoption should be required to go through counseling; ALL transportation costs; ALL investigation costs (home study, background checks, etc); and ALL adoption agency fees (they can't afford to operate on nothing). The medical ALONE is generally over $10k.

Do you think the birthparents should cover these costs? They're already paying the price of losing ALL rights to the child as soon as relinquishment papers are signed. Maybe the taxpayers? Nah--I KNOW you don't want the taxpayers paying for it. The money has to come from somewhere, though.

It's a horrible situation, but it could seriously be alleviated if medical and legal costs in the United States were brought under control.