Hi
I am sure you have heard these questions 100 times but I really some advice now.

9 months ago, I decided to move in with my girlfriend of 1.5 years. We are both at the same university doing different courses. Last week she told me that she wanted a break out of nowhere because she wanted to be with her new found girlfriends and she couldn't give more time for me. She also mentioned that she is still in love with me and promised that she was not going to look for anybody else.

Obviously I freaked out at first as I thought I always give her enough space, i.e. I even encouraged her to go out and spend time with her friends and I always supported her mentally and financially. Maybe once or twice, she didn't come home and we had fights about that as I was worried about her. I am not sure if that pushed her to say such things.

Another reason she gave was she couldn't make any male friends because she was too afraid that I wouldn't like it. But I have always been more than happy for her to expand her social network. One time, a guy was flirting with her and when I found out I made her stopped having contact with him. Nevertheless, when she said that it really pissed me off as, at that time, I felt like I was being traded for her friends although I gave her enough space and all I asked for was a few hours to spend time with me on the weekend since I would be really busy during the week.

I talked her through about my disagreement to her proposal for a few hours when the news was borken and she decided that she wouldn't change her mind. Now it's been a few days and I came back from uni to my parents' house a day earlier than she went back to hers. She actually called me while she was on the train and said that she missed me. However, yesterday I had dinner with her at a restaurant and on the way back to her house she claimed that she wouldn't change her mind. I told her that I am okay with that if she really wants it but we needed to draw a timeline. We agreed on 2 months time with a month conditional. Also I mentioned that we cannot stay together anymore for the break to be efficient and she started crying after that and making me promise that I wouldn't pursue any other girls. I did and I asked the same promise from her. We also decided to continue the sex life during the break ( which seemed like a bad idea now).

She called me as soon as I got home and we talked for like an hour. For the first 15 minutes, she seemed like the one I remembered from my relationship but suddenly she changed her tone. When I noticed that I told her I am not going to become her friend. At the end of conversation, she asked me to call her tomorrow and now she is coming to my house the day after tomorrow as she left some of her stuffs here.

I am really confused about the situation and don't really know what to do. Would the situation be worse if we had sex in near future although we are not together anymore? Can we still live together in the same house with this situation?
Am I devaluing myself as I still agree to have contact with her?
Is the time of break too long to be together afterwards?

Sorry if the story is too long for you guys but I really appreciate it if you can help me out in this miserable situation. I really love this girl and it seems like my world is falling apart at the moment which I can't afford. Thank you.

The short answer is she wants to use you for anything she can get from you. So pack her bags or pack yours and get away from her.

Would the situation be worse if we had sex in near future although we are not together anymore?

I think so, your status will have degraded from a potential mate to f*** buddy. She's weaning herself from you gradually.


Can we still live together in the same house with this situation?

You can, but it doesn't give her any opportunity to miss you which would improve your situation. Plus it will likely be torment for you. Overall a bad idea.


Is the time of break too long to be together afterwards?

For two people who truly want to be together there are no breaks only times where they may be apart perhaps due to external circumstances.

Make it a clean and complete breakup... no living together, no sex, no chat, no talk... nothing. She wants all the benefits and expectations of a relationship without actually being in one.

To hell with that!! She wanted a breakup now give it to her and don't fall for any of her BS. It's over.

Time to move out and move on.

She's bs-ing you big time-don't fall for it

You are miserable and you know it, but are to afraid to man up, and get a female that wants to be your girlfriend, instead of holding on to one that really doesn't. Plus she sure knows how to push your buttons.

Get out of this miserable situation and disappear from her life why don't you.

Threads merged


I had this break from my almost 2 years long relationship and I lived together with her. The best option at that time was to move out of the house but financially it wasn't possible. So we both lived there during the break and we would only communicate for the polite conversations. However, her changed behaviours put my life into misery because I was so much in love with her. I tried to stay away from her as much as possible and concentrate on my uni work. But she always called me and texted me asking to go for dinner with her. I knew I should have refused those strings but I simply couldn't.

She always mentioned that she missed me and loved me whenever I was away from her. We also made promises to each other that during the break we wouldn't be seeing other people. I valued that promise and hoped she would do the same thing. However, two weeks into the break, her behaviour suddenly changed and she started acting like she was not comfortable to live with me anymore. I was having an exam one day and I even thought about this situation leading to a suspected poor performance in that exam.

I went back home after the exam with my feelings sinking into the ground and therefore decided to find out whatever that is she was doing that could change her behaviour. So I looked through her phone while she was asleep and found out my worst expectation had been happening. She had kept in touch with another guy whom she met on a night out. The texts said that she may have slept with him as well which she denied. After that, I woke her up and asked her to leave the flat saying I've found out about what she was doing and I wouldn't be her safety cushion.

I threw everything she gave to me away including our photos. She admitted that she kissed him and she was just having fun. She also mentioned that she might like this guy. When asked if she would still keep in touch with him now that I found out, she said she would. I tried to be as calm as possible but at one point I lost control by punching the wall and as a result, broke my hand. I couldn't help but asking why she did it and her answers were related to my insufficient care for her in the past few months and she did this out of boredom. Clearly she was just trying to put the blame on me. So I wished her good luck and went to the hospital.

While at the hospital, she called me and demanding the explanation of deleting her from my Facebook. I said I didn't want to do anything with her anymore. I stayed with my friend that day. The next morning, I got a few texts from her complaining for not blocking her calls (she couldn't call me because my phone was out of charge) and blaming me that I was seeing another girl which I denied. That evening, I went back to the flat to get my books and she happened to be there. I asked her a few things about the house and she again complained why I was not talking to her properly. I told her that choosing the other guy had ended my emotions for her and she couldn't expect me to treat her in the way I used to.

She again accused me of cheating while in the relationship and I replied that she was the only one who betrayed. And I left and two minutes later she gave me a call which I ignored. I have been trying to forget about this since then and have not been in contact with her for 4/5 days but I have to say that I haven't been successful. At times, the feeling of this loss becomes just unbearable leading me to consider doing stupid things. I hate being in this position.

I've got three exams coming this week and have not been able to revise properly. I also tend to go onto analysis of my position in this situation and every analysis is followed by deep depression. I also have to mention that I do not want to be with her any more although I admit that I miss her so much. She was the love of my life and I sacrificed everything I could to be with her. It is painful whenever I think about this and makes me insecure about myself. I tried talking to some girls and it eases the pain for a few hours. But it is followed by hurt that she created again. There is also a huge tendency to make some silly excuses to go to the house or call her. I do not want this because the pain will start over again and I am not sure I cannot deal with it.

Could you guys please enlighten me with some advices that could help me recovered from this? I am basically physically and emotionally destroyed and therefore every little help will be appreciated. Thank you for reading this far.

Dear Friend, I am not an expart, but whatever I think about your problem... its not a small problem. You need to spend some times to leave this poblem... by providing one answer its not possible to solve it.

First give me some information..
1. Who is your best friend?
2. Are you the first love of your girlfriend?
3. Is it possible to took any holiday tour after your exam?
4. Is it possible for you... that you would stay with any other girl for 2-3 days?

Have you read the sticky on No Contact and how to do that? Also, a member (ISneezeFunny) who is currently in medical school studying to be a doctor, went through a breakup and wrote a long, long journal-type thread about his ups and downs. I will post both links here.

Sticky on how to do No Contact and how it will help you --

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/meaning-no-contact-nc-510419.html

ISneezeFunny's "journal" --

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-doing-nc-what-about-her-161688-51.html

How to break up and survive --

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-break-up-survive-101-use-you-wish-510418.html

Have you sorted out the living situation?

You need to start no contact straight away,to clear your head and be able to start moving on.

Find a reliable person to talk to and begin healing.

Break ups suck, fortunately for us, it is very possible to get over someone, don't forget that in case you feel desperation. Now, you have broken up with your girlfriend but are tied together because of the living arrangement. What you need to do is cut her lose completely; make a clear break by taking your stuff into a storage at least and stay with a friend until you find another place to stay. Also, cut complete contact with her... you have been provided with the guidelines of No Contact... SO USE THEM!! This is the fastest way to heal from a relationship. Change your number, move out, delete her from everything (which you have already started), and give yourself proper healing time. It isn't going to be quick or painless, but in the long run, this will help you not suffer more than you have to. It is only a matter of time before you walk in your house and this guy is doing your EX-girlfriend. So, get out of there before it causes any more pain. Have some will power and make it a habit to stop coming up with BS excuses to go see her or talk to her. Sooner than you think you will be back on your feet and ready for the next experience in your life.

Good Luck,
Javi