Hi, new to this so hear goes,
My partner of 4 years recently got back in touch with his childhood best mate and his partner ( both of whom he's previously known 15 yrs), but they are new too me. By three months my partner and the other girlfriend were regulary phoning each other on a daily basis, whilst I was at work never at home. He has never hid this from me and her partner (his best mate) is fine with it but I'm not and can't understand why they can never speak when I am home. He states his best mate doesn't give her the support he should do so he has to step in. on two occasions he has also got very drunk and rang her at 2, 3 am to tell her he loves her, again his mate just thinks it's funny, my phonecalls in comparrison were just to tell me he was lost and were am I over an hour later. I feel so insecure but he says I'm just trying to control him when I ask him to stop. It has now got to the stage were instead of having a few conversations at night with her to let me get to know her too, he instead chose to tell her he can't speak to her at all anymore unless he goes round to there house as I don't like it. This has now caused tension between the four of us and I feel even more excluded and that every argument we have he is running telling them. Do I have a right to not be OK with this? Or am I just being a jealous control freak? If I wasn't tied to the house and no children involved I would walk away tonight. Need another perspective please x

Yes, be concerned. Not because of his friend, but because of you and him.

Regardless of his friend and her partner, there is obviously an issue with you and your boyfriend. From what you have written, I am sensing that he is distancing himself from you and now he's starting to separate you from his life and friends. Instead of involving you in his personal life and friendships, he's calling you controlling and telling his friends that he can't see them all of the time because his girlfriend said so. Forget jealousy or control, I think you should be feeling like you're losing a close connection and partnership with someone who should be your partner and co-parent to your children.

Now move over to you. You said yourself that if it weren't for the house you two have and your children (I assume you are both the parents?), you would walk away. So regardless of his actions and his distancing behavior, YOU aren't so invested in the relationship anymore either.

One of two things should happen, now: 1) go to couple's therapy because you BOTH want to make things right, or 2) leave him and build your life in your own apartment/house. You have children to consider, and I know that makes things more difficult-so whatever happens you should ask him to help you come to a solution (if you feel you can go to him with your concerns). Whether that solution is fixing it or ending it-you should recognize that both of you are exhibiting that the relationship has gotten rocky and something needs to happen.

I wish you the best of luck.

I believe in full disclosure in a relationship. If he is talking to her at 2 or 3 in the morning, and telling her he loves her, especially when he is drunk, that is a problem. You can wait it out, and maybe he will realize that he is in love with the idea of her, and not really her. You have every right to your emotions. You are feeling threatened, and he is not doing anything to make you feel better. How does she feel about it? Why don't you approach her and see what her opinion is on the situation? Just do it in a very non-judgemental, nice way. You don't want to be the psycho girlfriend. Good luck.

I think his friends know how to deal with his a$$ better than you do, but as far as being left out... talk to the girl, and put your fears to bed.

The girl loves the attention which I don't blame her for. There is another bloke she has on tap too (his girlfriend at the time left him 2 years ago I'm told) so she calls them her 3 muskaters. Plus my ex says she's an alcoholic and I admit I rarely see her with out a drink so I don't think a heart to heart is possible. Whether she agreed with me anyway it doesn't solve the issue he doesn't see any problem and its all in my head.

hi, thank you for your answer. Your right I have grown tired of this and in turn the relationship. The child is mine but has only ever known my now ex as a father figure (he's just turned 7) so it is going to be hard for him - although last night he asked me why is he is so mean to me and can't we find someone else to be part of our family. I also pay for the house and all the bills bar £100.00 a month so if I moved out he couldn't afford it and I'd end up bank rupt ( being an accountant and having 2 businesses I can't afford to risk that - which he knows). Me seeing the comments and even writing my stuff has made me realise what a mug I've been and too end it. Might be awkard for a while as shock horror his friends aren't keen on him staying with them but I feel such a weight lifted and hopeful for my future. Thank you x

Think his friends do but when I made the plunge last night and dumped him funilly enough they wouldn't put him up and he ended up on parents couch ( they have said only for one night). Think it's time I found some new circles of people who do want me around. Already had 2 date offers (way too soon - but confidence boosting). Thanks for your message x

Good for you! You deserve to be independent and feel good about yourself :)

I always think it's funny how guys just pop out the second you become single and think it's an appropriate time to ask you out :).

Good luck building a better life for you and your son!