I am dating someone with whom I have been with for the last 6 years. Last year he broke up with me. Trying to get over him was th most difficult thing. I gave up all hope and after 5 months of being broken up slept with someone else. It was a one night stand and the guy was from a different country and we ever stayed in touch. About ten days after this happened my boyfriend asked me to get back with him and we are now engaged.
The most unfortunate thing that happened was that I never realized but I got pregnant. I didn't even realize that I was because the guy I had a one night stand with never even came inside me and furthermore I even bled and thought that I had an irregular period and this happened both in December and in Jan. So it was only when my period never arrived in Feb that I realized that something was not right. I was told by the gynec that I was 17 weeks pregnant. The ultrasound confirmed that the date of conception coincided with not my Fiancé but the other man. I come from a culture where being an unwed mother is the greatest taboo and I had no choice but to go in for an abortion. My fiancé assumed that the baby was his as I never told him about the other guy and supported me with my decision. I don't regret terminating the pregnancy but what's tearing me apart is that I haven't told my fiancé the truth as I am scared of losing him. I am not a cheater and have no desire to even look at somebody else but I don't know if I should confess to him what happened and risk losing it all?

Be honest with your boyfriend and go from there. Maybe he will be accepting, but maybe he will not. You will have to play things by ear from there... but the key is being open and honest with him now.

If it is truly a good match between you and your boyfriend,then your honesty will strengthen the relationship.

That's just my 1.5 cents worth.

Stay tuned, though: There are relationship experts here who will probably also give advice and suggestions.

If you really love and want to marry this man, The truth may hurt... At first, but it is better to be honest. Holding the burden of such a secret will only eat you from the inside out and you will be hiding something from your fiancée. Truth is always better, be courageous! I'm sure everything will be just fine in the long run either way

A relationship started in a lie has little chance of ever making it.

How were you cheating? Your boyfriend had broken up with you, and you had even given up on ever getting back together with him.

There should be no anger at you for cheating. You didn't cheat!

You didn't cheat, and keeping this a secret is obviously tearing you apart. The truth shall set you free. Do you honestly think he didn't date anyone or have any sort of relationship for the 5 months you were apart?

You weren't together as a couple, who you dated, you had sex with, was your own business. He had no say in it at that time.

I'm more shocked that you found a doctor willing to perform an abortion at 17 weeks. I've never heard of a doctor performing an abortion in the second trimester.

You probably will never be happy trying to live with your fear of losing him, and the guilt that will always be there until you do something about it.

Get rid of the guilt, and replace it with honesty. You have already made the mistake of not being honest with him in the first place, had you been, you would have no guilt to begin with.

Do the right thing for you both, so you can get through this, no matter what happens.

I want to tell him but I know if I do it would be devastating for him and for me. I have already lost the baby and there is no going back on that if I lose him too then I would have nothing. Marrying him and starting a family is what I have always wanted and now that its all coming true this whole situation has come up.


Altnweg - Abortions are legal in my country up to 20 weeks. It was not an easy thing to do but I could have done nothing else then.

You may be devastated about losing the baby, but as far as your fiancé knows, he lost his baby too. Don't you feel it's only fair he knows the truth of that?

The problem is the longer you carry this guilt the worse it will get. You're only thinking of yourself here, which is most selfish. You're feelings of guilt which has been said above, you were separated and weren't together. So there was no cheating. And it wasn't if it was only a few days or weeks.

5 months of breaking up is a serious amount of 'moving on time'. There's nothing to say your fiancé didn't sleep with anyone else also in that time.

It is unfortunate of your situation, but having your fiancé believe it was his baby, is just emotionally wrong. What happens if you can't conceive to your fiancé? It happens. You don't think he'd question this termination?

Face facts, it was your decision to allow him to believe it was his, thus making it harder for you to be truthful.