My wife stated to me that she loves me but is not in love. There is not another man nor will there be. She says she has been unhappy for some time and just doesn't know who she is anymore. She says she does not want a divorce and wants to work on the marriage, but is afraid to open up to me anymore because of the past hurt. She is very distant and tells me that the affection is gone and there is not intimacy without sex, and she wants and needs that. I try to provide intimacy and she pushes me away saying she doesn't feel right. She doesn't want to talk about any problems, claiming we already did and I should know what the problems are and that I just don't care. I do care. I love my wife very much, would do anything for her. We have been married over 20 years and have had 4 children together. Neither is talking about divorce or separation and are still living together. I am stuck not knowing what to do to get her out of the rut she seems to have fallen in. I think she may also be depressed and having a mid-life crisis of some kind. She just turned 40 and the kids are about to leave the house, leaving her alone during the day while I work. She has stated, she feels unappreciated by everyone and is now neglecting everyone and everything. Except 1 friend that she spends a great deal of time with. Fortunately the friend is female and I have no worries of an affair. She did get involved at one time emotonally. She says they are and always have been only friends, and that they don't even talk anymore. I really want to trust her on this, but she had lied to me once before.
What do I do now to get her to open up and accept the love her family is giving and to get her to be happy again. I have told her that I don't want to lose her or our children and I see happiness in our future. She says she just doesn't see it herself. Again, what do I do now?