View Full Version : Boyfriend
great1
Apr 5, 2011, 06:15 AM
Threads merged together and edited
So, me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months now , and we have this love&hate relationship . ; but its mostly LOVE :)).. . But yeah. On Sunday I had given him my email address and my password to my Facebook. Before me and him started anything deep I told him that I would never do him wrong or cheat on him etc and that I'm different from other girls, which I am. I kept my words and I still am today.
He goes threw my message and sees that a good friend of mines, a childhood friend calls me BABY, and the funny thing is I never seen that message until he had said something about it. He's soooo mad that I don't know, he feels that I cheated on him WHICH I Haven't, Ihave been very faithful to him. He says all girls are all the same but, I still don't see the WRONG in this problem . He's mad because a friend of mine (guy friend) calls me baby but he ended up cursing him out but, then he's mad at me . I love him so much that he's the first guy that I have fallen for and that has the key to my heart.
What do I do? I'm confused because he's mad at me for what someone called me, and I haven't said anything to him since January. I only ask about him maybe 3 or 4 times this year, I don't know, I need help
How do you know if that person is the one, and I pray to God everyday about us . I always leave my relationship in Gods hands.. . I put him first through anything!
mystific
Apr 5, 2011, 09:20 AM
If He comes first.. and you leave your relationships up to Him.. then shouldn't you ask Him if that person is the one?
talaniman
Apr 5, 2011, 09:59 AM
No wonder this was a love/hate relationship, he has some deep personal issues to resolve for himself, and at this time, I would say he ain't the one.
Sorry, enjoy yourself, your life, and your friends, without him, and pray for him to get the help he needs.
great1
Apr 11, 2011, 05:39 AM
Iknow exactlly why he felt like that , he told me that seeing another guy calling me baby on Facebook had him question if I was talking to him in some type of way but youu know I have fallen in love with him for the right reason not the wrongs and I would never cheat on my baby , I never was created to disown my baby or any guy . I never put my guards down for nobody so like I said he was mad and I told him Facebook is just Facebook , guys are always going to be sweet to a pretty lady they see . He told me that I make him feel different like I understands him better than any girl has . But my main man is god always ! Its not like a love hate relationship at that point it did because he was trippen over the wrong reasons
Your so right on that and I agree , ipray about it every night.. . But that's not all I pray about because that's not the important thing in my prayers.. . But I really do agree .
But God is a mysterious God , how would iknow that he answered my pray and know that my boyfriend is that one . Like I want to also know how would you know that person youu love so much is the one?
adviceishere
Apr 11, 2011, 05:51 AM
You know he's the one when you don't need to question if he is or not...
talaniman
Apr 11, 2011, 08:32 AM
like I want to also know how would you know that person youu love so much is the one?
After more than 3 decades, I sure don't have any facts to say she isn't the one, quite the contrary, she has more than passed the test of time, and reality. And still going, and going..
That's my point though many think they have the one but later change there minds or feelings for whatever reasons. I site the 50% divorce rate in America for that reasoning. So they could be the one today, and not tomorrow.
So we never know if they are the one forever, just the one for now. I think we as humans have several ones we can be compatible with on many levels, and degrees, its just we take a risk and commit to THIS one, for now, until life says different.
How do you know if this is the one? That's the one you take a risk to commit to. No, I don't read romance novels.
great1
Apr 27, 2011, 11:25 AM
God is not going to just give youu the answer right then in there . He takes his time . Sometime he tries to teach others a lesson . But ialways told myself that the person that imarried would be the one that iwould introduce to my mother and would be the on that iwould spend my life with . Ireally love him with all my heart and idon't know what to do just because idon't want to get my heart broken by him.. .
There's also one problem were juniors in high school and we have been talking about college and what college we both wanted to go to ; iwant to go to college up north and he want to stay in the state but want to go to a different area in the state I don't know ireally really care for him and all and idon't want college to mess up what we have ; he plays football and iplay basketball would we even have time for each other?
mystific
Apr 27, 2011, 03:25 PM
God is not going to just give youu the answer right then in there . He takes his time
And love.. also takes it's time. You meet someone, it grows and develops with the relationship and sometimes if you're lucky it lasts a life time.
You're both juniors so do as "He" does and take your time. What's the rush?
DoulaLC
Apr 27, 2011, 03:50 PM
>>>>>God is not going to just give youu the answer right then in there . He takes his time . Sometime he tries to teach others a lesson . But ialways told myself that the person that imarried would be the one that iwould introduce to my mother and would be the on that iwould spend my life with . Ireally love him with all my heart and idon't know what to do just because idon't want to get my heart broken by him
How do you know God isn't going to give you an answer right then and there? He may have been showing you that this guy doesn't trust you. He looked through your messages to check up on you. He thinks all girls are the same, so he is basically telling you he expects you won't be faithful or that you will somehow do something wrong.
As was said, take your time. You will have ample opportunity to decide if this guy is "the one" or not. You will know it by how he treats you, how he speaks to you, and how he shows you respect.
He may be the one... or you may have several boyfriends before you find someone who is a good life partner for you. That is what dating is all about. Getting to know different people, finding out what you like and don't like in someone, what behaviors you enjoy and which ones cause you to worry and wonder.
great1
Apr 28, 2011, 05:42 AM
Yeah ihave dated other people and seen a lot of differences in people and him ienjoy every last bit of our time , the only thing that kills me is when italk to other guys apparently he doesn't like it . Imean all guys are jelouse in some type of ways ihave 4 older brothers so iknow . Your sooooo right about the God thing because ialways leave my relationship or any other problems in his hands because iknow that he is in control . My auntie told me that if youu feel it in your heart that this person is the one then that person is , now is that true ? B/c my last boyfrnd iknew for sure that those guys were not the one for me so ialready know ; him on the other hand its like iknow that I'm going to spend my whole life time with him and that's how he feels about me . I'm his second girl that he has fallen in love with and he is the first guy that ihave fallen in love with as well like isaid , ialways told myself that the guy that ihave fallen in love with would be the first guy that introduce
DoulaLC
Apr 28, 2011, 02:03 PM
Did your mother not meet any of the other guys you dated?
You do feel it in your heart, but you also have to listen to your head because sometimes one doesn't pay such good attention to the other! Sometimes we know better in our heads, but we are in love with the idea of being in love and all the good parts, that we ignore the little voice in our heads that might be telling us to go slowly and be watchful.
How does it make you feel knowing he doesn't trust you when you talk to other guys? How do you feel about him checking up on you by going through your messages when you gave him no reason to not trust you? How does it make you feel when he says all girls are the same?
Date him, enjoy spending time with him, get to know him more and see what he is like in different situations. You have already seen what he is like over a childhood friend you speak to just a few times a year. I'd hate to think what his reaction would be if you had a guy friend that you spoke to on a regular basis, in one of your classes for example.
Just be watchful for any red flags. For example, if he continues to frequently check up on you, questions you about this friend, or any other guy you might talk to. You don't want to dismiss any red flags, or hope that they will go away with time, if you see them being repeated.
great1
Apr 29, 2011, 10:55 AM
Noo he will be the first that she meets, but now he is not talking to me, and we haven't talked for a week now, and its very irritating. He still mad at the fact that my childhood friend had his elbow on me and while me and my boyfriend were on the phone I told my childhood friend to "get off of me" and soon as I said it, he was ready to get of the phone with me and every since that night we haven't spoken to each other.
Like I really care for him and sometime I feel its too much for me to handle his way of reacting to things like I don't know I'm getting very bothered and annoyed by it. I try my best everyday trying to deal with this. I wish there were something I can say or do.
I texted him telling him that "im here; i love you & i miss you goodnight" and he would text me back and say "nite".. . Like what's up with that? I feel like I'm too young for that; he tells me he want me to be the mother of his children, and calls me wifey.
Like WHAT I NEED TO KNOW IS WHAT IN THE WORLD I NEED TO DO?
talaniman
Apr 29, 2011, 11:25 AM
You need to ignore him and his bad behavior because when you let him get away with acting an idiot, he will continue to act like an idiot! Don't be blinded by love and high hopes and allow yourself to be disrespect by his childish immature behavior.
That's not love, that's crazy, and first boyfriend or best one you ever had, doesn't matter because they will all treat you as you act.
You have every right to be irritated, and annoyed with this fellow and mad enough to bite his head off when you do see him. Don't worry he will come sniffing around, when he figures you are not catering to his insecurity, and jealousy.
You sure you want him to meet your mom?? I would let him walk my dog to be honest!
DoulaLC
Apr 29, 2011, 12:56 PM
I agree with talaniman... might be best to let this one go. At the very least, let him contact you and see if he either continues to harp on the situation with you childhood friend or if he apologizes for his behaviour and lets the matter drop.
How he acts will let you know whether this one may not really be "the one", and you are better off knowing that now and forgetting about him, or if he might be someone you will continue to date and just see how things go from here on out.
Guard your heart until you know better his level of respect for you and your feelings.
great1
Apr 30, 2011, 10:55 PM
Soo he did come around to his sense but we really haven't talked about the situation yet , but I'm pretty sure iwill say something because ialways do . But yeah the crazy thing is imight be pregnant by him!
He's my first
amicon
May 1, 2011, 12:37 AM
Then you need to get yourself tested and if you are decide what to do.
Having unprotected sex often result in a pregnacy-law of nature!
How old are you?
Are you still living with your parents?
great1
May 2, 2011, 05:36 AM
Apparently ithought we had sex but we didn't ididn't lose my virginity , my doctor said icame close to but I'm still a virgin until marriage sooo I'm goood , sooo in that case I'm not pregnant
great1
May 2, 2011, 05:49 AM
My boyfrined told me on Sunday night that "iwas pushing him away" I don't know what made him say that when isacrifice a lot just to be with him . And ireally don't understand what is really going on , ifeel like maybe he should just get his space or something I don't know but the thing is iwas crying just because ifelt hurt and I'm still thinking that he still haven't got over the fact that my children hood friend had his ELBOW on me ; I'm getting to point of letting go then at the same time I'm trying because I don't know what God is doing to me ijust don't know but ido leave my relationship in Gods hands just because he knows all. . What does that mean when he say “ JUST KNOW THAT YOUU REALLY PUSHING ME AWAY FROM YOUU ! ”
talaniman
May 2, 2011, 07:09 AM
He says that because you are not doing things as he wants it done, and you seem to be under the impression that this is just a normal guy jealousy. Maybe it's a cultural thing, I don't know where you are from, or your religion, but I clearly she him exercising control, and manipulation, and do think he has issues of entitlement to tell you what to do. That's how you are pushing him away, you are denying him total control. After only 7 months?? That's a big red flag, that it will get worse the longer you continue to be with this "ONE"
Just curious, what are the sacrifices you are making to be with him? You got very lucky your sexual encounter didn't result in your hymen (No more virginity) being broken, or pregnancy. Maybe God is protecting you until you can protect yourself a lot better. Maybe he is the first guy you have been so intensely attracted to, but does that mean you have to give ALL of what you have without him proving he is worthy of it. I respectfully submit he has NOT as yet.
How will you know if he is the one you asked? When you both feel the same way and can work together to be happy with each other. Maybe this is but an obstacle, and if it is, better talk about it and reach agreement on how to proceed forward thru this, in a way that makes you BOTH happy, or sorry he isn't the one!!!
Don't let your heart make you blind to the facts. That would be a disaster.
great1
May 4, 2011, 06:46 AM
Icalled him Monday night and he was talking to me ask if iwas his friend or what ever telling me that he had to take a shower or whatever and isaid imma call youu back when youu get out and he said "imma be busy when iget out of the shower" all iasked is what are youu going to be doing that has to stop youu from talking to me ; knowing me ihad an attitude while iwas talking to him.. . He was like "just know that imma be busy simple as that" now igot real madd and was like why are youu talking to me like that , why youu being so harsh etc ? He was like "your the one that said to keep it real and thats what im doing" and while he was talking isaid youu know what "okayee whatever" and that's what isaid and hung up on him while he was talking . He texted me back and said "don't call me back again !!!!!!" and iwas going to call him back to but he texted me that and itexted and said goodnight.. . That's all but he had me crying for a week now ;
great1
May 4, 2011, 06:55 AM
I don't know what to do now , usually iknow if he's madd , sadd , or happy etc but that day idid not know that person anymore ; and ifeel like breaking up with him but my heart won't let me and ipray about it everyday.. . Ijust leave my relationship in Gods hands and the night he was someone totally different . I'm soooo confused . I don't know what to do , ilove him so much and all but ican't do this. . And his birthday is on march 6 , does that have to do with his zodiac sign or something.. . I don't know what to do , ireally don't I sacrificed a lot for him and all and this is the first out of our 7months of dating of me seeing this reaction.. . What do ido ; do icontinue this because that's what I'm doing , idon't back down nor do igive up.. . ijust pray about it and leave it in Gods hands .what could be going on with him that he's acting like this , imean I don't know
DoulaLC
May 4, 2011, 01:16 PM
>>>>>>icalled him monday night and he was talking to me ask if iwas his friend or what ever telling me that he had to take a shower or whatever and isaid imma call youu back when youu get out and he said "imma be busy when iget out of the shower" all iasked is what are youu going to be doing that has to stop youu from talking to me ; knowing me ihad an attitude while iwas talking to him . . . he was like "just know that imma be busy simple as that" now igot real madd and was like why are youu talking to me like that , why youu being so harsh etc ? he was like "your the one that said to keep it real and thats what im doing" and while he was talking isaid youu know what "okayee whatever" and thats what isaid and hung up on him while he was talking . he texted me back and said "don't call me back again !!!!!!" and iwas going to call him back to but he texted me that and itexted and said goodnight. . .
This is likely part of why he said you were pushing him away... you are trying too hard to make him feel how you want him to feel, think how you want him to think, and say what you want him to say. When he doesn't follow the script you have played out in your head, you are disappointed and start to question why you didn't get the response that you wanted.
Consider this... maybe God is trying to tell you that this guy is NOT the one for you and it's time to let it go, but you just aren't paying close enough attention to all the signs. You are still trying to make it what YOU want it to be.
Forget the zodiac, forget how much you feel you have sacrificed, and pay attention to what the guy is telling you. Leave the guy alone... stop trying to figure it out. If the relationship was meant to be, it wouldn't be so difficult.
great1
May 5, 2011, 08:58 AM
How about if he is the one and God is putting me threw this to see if ican handle it or not ; like there's a lot of signs.. . Because they say that couples do go threw there hardest times in there relationship and there are times when youu want to leave but youu just can't give up and that's what I'm trying to do ; is not give up and leave it in Gods hands - "am i doing the right thing ?" I don't know what to do or say , there are times when iwant to text him and say we need space but iknow how he is going to react to it , he would not understand it take it the wrong and think that he got his heart tared up or something.. .
Iput a status up on Facebook about being hurt etc and isaid "with pain iwill always be there no matter what" and a lot of people liked it even HIM.. . What does that tell you ?
DoulaLC
May 5, 2011, 02:47 PM
It tells me he probably likes knowing you will be there when he feels like talking to you, regardless of how he treats you.
What does his not talking to you, texting you to tell you not to call him back again, still being mad over a childhood friend (that you only speak to a few times a year), and you feeling bothered and annoyed by his behavior (which hasn't changed), tell you?
It is wonderful that you are leaving this in God's hands, but there is an old saying, "Call on God, but row away from the rocks". Put your trust in God, but that doesn't mean you don't do your part. God expects you to think for yourself.
It appears you have not heard what you were hoping to hear, so all I can say is give it some time and see what happens. After awhile, you will hopefully be able to decide what would be the best course of action for you to take.
great1
May 6, 2011, 05:26 AM
Lately ihave felt in peace , istill miss him and all but ifeel like this situation has been lifted off my shoulder I don't know , itold my cousin last night ifeel like everything is okayee like I don't know "why am ifeeling like that" like nothing never happened or there's nothing going on ?/ the bracelet that he gave me iaways had a hard time taking it off now today itook it off imean its bothering just a little bit at the fact that itook it off but not as much as it did when itried taking it off ! So what are the signs ?
And thanks for your advices !
talaniman
May 6, 2011, 06:45 AM
It could be you are tired of thinking about HIM, and want to think about other things.
great1
May 6, 2011, 11:41 PM
Well me and my boyfriend I don't know what's up . Iwent on his Facebook page today and seen a girl write this on his wall "omg dude we got sooooooo close recently ! your so sweet and funny and cute :D we haveeeee to hang out a.s.a.p ! ily" like seriously !/ imean itexted him earlier on today telling him that imiss him and all and he texted me back and said "that was nice" ; also itold him that iwas hurting he said he was toooo ; but how youu hurting and youu have a female write some CRAP like that on your wall?/ - does he want me to see that so ican break up with him or something.. . because he's still madd over the childhood friend etc.. . And threw out the text iasked him "do you want your space"or "do youu want to end it how it is" he said "idk" like seriously ikept asking him "do youu want to be in a relationship he says again "do youu want to be in a relationship he says again " and I don't know either like does he want to break up or stay together because every time iasked he said "IDK" - what does that mean?
Wondergirl
May 6, 2011, 11:50 PM
everytime i asked he said "IDK" - what does that mean ? ?
It means he is stringing you along. Why are you allowing that? Don't you have any pride?
DoulaLC
May 7, 2011, 04:09 AM
great1... take him off your Facebook. It will only cause you pain and more confusion to see what he or someone else might write on it.
Think about the responses you have received when you have texted him that you miss him or asking if he wants to be in a relationship with you. Do they sound like that of someone who wants to be with you??
Is he treating you the way you want to be treated by a boyfriend? Sure doesn't sound that way to me.
Face it, if he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. Period.
Now leave him alone, unfriend him from your Facebook, and stop texting him.
This was another relationship for you to learn from. Now you have even a better idea of what you wouldn't want in your next boyfriend.
You are both young... time to get to know more people.
talaniman
May 7, 2011, 07:31 AM
Why are you still doing this to yourself? I just don't understand why you cannot see that while he may miss what you once had, he is hardly sitting in a corner worrying about it. He has other options and opportunities to occupy his time from this break up, while you do everything to keep that past memory alive and well in your own head.
Like you finally took that bracelet off, do the same thing with everything to do with him, and start explore your own options, and opportunities, so you can stop being stuck on someone that's not as stuck as you.
I don't know is a statement of NO!! That's what it means! Dwell no more on what he means as his actions are very obvious, and apparent. You just don't want to ACCEPT IT.
great1
May 10, 2011, 05:52 AM
Ijust found out that he was a pisces and I'm a capricorn.. . Idid my research on pisces , and everything that ihave read it was like someone writing about him.. . Like iwas shocked because everything that ihave been through with him iread it on my research , it said they are very confusing people I don't know but ifelt shock to just know , its like now ihave so much research on him.. . but yeah I'm not really stuck on him like that any more but like isaid ileft it in Gods hands to handle if he comes back he just does but if he don't I don't know - its time to move on !/ But igave him his space also soooo , were giving each other time right now! But on the mean time what do ido ?
JudyKayTee
May 10, 2011, 06:07 AM
I'd start by not putting faith in horoscopes and birth signs.
In the meantime you go on with your life and, as you said, trust that God will put things right.
talaniman
May 10, 2011, 06:25 AM
You live your life and be happy with what you do, and enjoy doing it with friends and family, and appreciate the things that are good on your life.
DoulaLC
May 10, 2011, 03:12 PM
Forget the horoscope.
Spend time with friends and family. Focus on school, get him off your Facebook, enjoy not having the frustration of what he may or may not be thinking. Try something new that you have always wanted to do... a new hobby, new sport, etc. Move on with your life.
great1
May 16, 2011, 04:40 AM
So were taking a break in our relationship now . And he told me that this love that we had was true . He said that he is going through a lot right now and he wants to take a break but he said that we were going to get back together . What do ido from here ?
JudyKayTee
May 16, 2011, 05:30 AM
You take a break and believe what he tells you.
In the meantime you go on with your life and stop obsessing over him.
great1
May 16, 2011, 07:17 PM
Believe in a good way or a badd way ?/
DoulaLC
May 16, 2011, 07:39 PM
Leave him alone... he doesn't want to be with you. Move on with your life and spend time with your friends. Sooner or later you will meet someone new who actually treats you the way you want to be treated.
He says what he says to either keep you hanging on (which so far has been working quite well because you simply won't let it go), or because he won't be honest with you and tell you that it is over.
He has obviously moved on (you just won't accept that)... it is now time for you to do the same. This was a learning experience for you... there is someone much better out there that you will meet someday.