My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We have a very loving relationship, although he finds it hard to say he loves me and hasn't done so for weeks now, though I know he does. His neighbour was widowed 4 years ago, we recently went round for a drink and I felt like I was watching a couple of teenagers flirting outrageously and almost felt like I was in the way! I got suspicious and looked at his phone, which I'd never have done before, I found lots of flity texts such as " be careful out there, you never know who will chat you up" and digging texts about us i.e. " when are you going to make an honest woman of your poor girlfriend" to which he replied " no way, Ive learnt my lesson, I'm not the marrying kind" I also realised she pops over for coffee quite regularly and he had her over for dinner and didn't tell me. I feel like a mug, his ex wife told me years ago to trust my instincts, I'm afraid my instincts may be telling me he's cheating or is about to. We have discussed the flirting and he keeps telling me he's not flirting back, but then again he doesn't know I've looked at his phone. Feel like walking away...

I think I would have just been straight, and showed him the evidence... then walked away.

Tell him that you looked at his phone and ask him what the h**k he's up to.

And I agree with Talaniman,walking away seams like a good idea.

Thank you for your replies, I feel like walking away because I'm scared of getting hurt, but want the courage to stick it out, I guess I hope it is just a bit of harmless flirting. She said, "we are only playing, we know our boundaries, I know you are the woman" that was some months ago. I'm not good at this! Am I being completely naïve?

Yes,I think you are being naïve.

The courage to stick it out?

In my book real courage is leaving a situation which is clearly dodgy.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to am icon again.


If you don't have the courage to honestly express yourself to your own partner, what's the point in having a partner? You cannot ignore your hurt, and hope it gets better.