Whether I am in my university bedroom or my bedroom at home I feel as if I am being filmed constantly and there are cameras everywhere. I get very very paranoid about this and it prevents me sleeping, I can't get fully naked unless I'm with someone and I barely spend more than an hour at a time in there. Also, when I go out for a cigarette by myself I start to hallucinate (especially at night) and I create strange "what if" scenarios in my head and I begin to talk to myself. I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and anxiety when I was sixteen and have self harmed since I was eleven. I'm now nineteen and I have a long history of mental disorders in my family; my dad has bipolar, my sister suffered from an eating disorder and body dysmorphia and my grandad was also bipolar. Currently I do not take medication for my disorders. Could I be inheriting more mental illness'? What does this sound like?

Are currently under the care of a professional?

I am not, I didn't like therapy (group and individual), thinking about it makes me get anxiety attacks.

You're between a rock and a hard place. You have disturbing thoughts that are affecting your life, but you won't see a therapist to work through what is going on in your head and possibly be prescribed medication that will help you get to a good place in your life.

So how can we help you?

I went to therapy numerous times in my teen years and I couldn't face it. My question was: is there a chance I could have another mental illness other than severe depression and anxiety?

Yes, there's a chance.

Just like our physical bodies can have a bad cold, a sunburn, and a hives from an allergy all at one time, so too can our mental selves have two or more illnesses.

What went wrong with the therapy when you were a teen?

I had panic attacks on the way there, when I was there I'd hyperventilate and usually ended up passing out. I just didn't feel comfortable with any therapists, and people have said to me that it takes a few to get to the right one but I think I've been through about twelve in four years. Whenever I'd open my mouth to speak I would just freeze and nothing would come out. I tried to write what I was feeling down but that still made me hold back because I didn't know how to express the way I felt.

Awwww, I'm sorry to hear that you had such bad experiences with therapy. Of course, you haven't had me as a therapist, so you don't realize the delights that could be in store for you in therapy.

I'm surprised your therapists couldn't get you past the anxiety and fainting. Makes me wonder about them...

I have extreme bouts of anxiety every so often, more often lately though. I can't even talk on the phone for any longer than about two minutes as I'm constantly paranoid that someone is recording it or the person on the other side is actually making fun of me or setting me up. I've considered therapy but being a student I have little to no money to spare. I've only ever been to the NHS referred therapists. I'd go to a private therapist but I just don't have the money.

is there a chance I could have another mental illness other than severe depression and anxiety?

There is a very good chance. It does indeed sound like a very serious mental illness that can ONLY be treated with medication and therapy. It typically manifests in the teen and early adult years. Many people with it find that they get it during the university years.

My depression, anxiety and self harm arose when I was around 12/13 and it just carried on. When I started university, it got better because I was with completely new people but now I can barely be left alone even though I like being by myself most of the time..