This is my first post, hard time in my life; I am in my 40's that doesn't seem to get me smarter and wiser.
I meet this girl long ago, everything was just beautiful, just perfect, we saw each other for long time every day, sharing almost everything, I was careful since I leave my last relation because I was not happy with it anymore. So I move on.
For the first year we were great just fantastic, we share every moment with passion and love, I felt totally immerse, grateful of being a gentleman for my lady, somehow she kept sending SMS and messages to me at all times, for some times I felt like a need some space, so I start to insinuate her to just take it down a little bit with the messages which were a lot along the day, I never guess that was a turn off for her, she accepted but never liked, then problems start, complaints about my dog, my space, many things of me, I was just telling her that we can solve it and work it out if we concede a little bit from each side, I love her so I didn't want to hurt her or lose her.
But her continuous complaints were cooling me down, I felt like we were fighting over and over the same details, we talk but never communicate, then I saw the first alerts, she start to separate, I was so scared that I talk her to be back to all those messages and details, I love to give her flowers, and more, but she just said it, “I think I need time far from you, to know if I can keep going.”
I said no, if this can be fix we fix it together, so she accepted at the time, but things didn't came better, last week I had to travel for one week, so I arrange a huge flower present for her, while I was absent, along that week in the distance I call her every night, she was sweet but colder, I notice it.
When I came back, she didn't pick me up at the airport, instead she went with her friends to some event and lunch, I came back home by myself, totally sad.
She call me that night, was not even able to see me on the face, she said she wanted to talk and we start to argue when I let her know I was sad for her attitude, we argued more and agreed to talk Sunday morning, so I didn't sleep well that night, I wake up at 3 AM and started to clean my apartment.
In the morning she came in, she told me she loves me deeply but I have hurt her a lot when I didn't let her send me all those messages, when she told me she didn't like my dog at home and I ignore her.
She thinks my dog is more important for me than her, that is not true, I tried to explain her that my dog is not an object that I should dump to the street just because I love a girl that doesn't t like it, she never accepted my explanation.
That Sunday she told me she needs time, but she didn't want to keep me waiting for her, I told her that is not a petition of time, is one way to say good bye, then it hit me hard, I couldn't hold it together any more, I cried, I beg, for her to stay, she tried to comfort me but I think it was more because of the way I cried so broken.
I ask her to leave, I ask her to let me keep my dignity and not see me like that, without any value.
She walk away, after few hours she send me SMS asking how I was, I reply a few times with I love you, then she call me, asking where I was, I told her at my home, she told me she was coming and she did,
She stand up in front of me and told me “Don't you ever dare to break my heart again” when she said that I felt on my knees and beg forgiveness for any action that might hurt her. She told me that not all is forgotten, I still have to give her time without pushing her, I accept, we went to my room and she ask me to make her love, I am embarrassed to said I could barely get an erection, that night barely sleep.
Then I start to notice it, I sent her few messages telling her “I love you” some of them she responded with “Me too” but nothing else, I start to look for information to see what to do, I saw many books on how to deal with this situation, the common idea was “let her go, let her have her time and if she loves me, she will come back some day” but she don't want to brake communication with me, I got cold and flu, so she was checking on me, but I Do love her with my life, so Tuesday I gather all my strength or what it was left and meet her for lunch I told her to take her time, I will be waiting for her when she is ready.
But as soon I get home she send me a message asking how I feel, I started all over, couldn't sleep a single hour, every time that I closed my eyes she was there, and I started to cry again.
Yesterday I didn't went to work, felt really bad without sleep, so I stayed at home trying to care of my cold, it was a horrible day, I couldn't sleep at night again, same as the day before, every time I closed my eyes she was there with her magical smile, and I started to cry and beg God for help.
Today I went to the doctor , my cold is nothing serious, but my emotional state has made everything worse, I have burning in my stomach, barely can eat without throwing out half of the food, doctor was nice and give me some tranquilizers to sleep, and told me to have faith, you are a good man, he told me, she cannot deny that, I went to my office to take care of some stuff and she call me again to see how I was doing, I told her what the doctor told me about my emotional state, she told me I shouldn't do that, she was feeling guilty because of what is going on with me.
Then I ramped on her, telling her that I don't understand how she says she loves me and she is not willing to work out a solution for our problems, she told me plain and simple that my words were not helping at all, then I shut up and apologize again, I told her that I shouldn't say that, and good bye.
She sent me a message later that just said “Please relax” I answer with another message telling her how I am sorry, this is so new and difficult for me, but I didn't mean to make her feel bad and that I love her.
This has been the story, I been reading like crazy all kind of ideas on how to get her back, all the ideas basically explain the same, give time and distance, but none of them tells how to do it, how do I give her space when she fill my space all the time. We share a lot of time together, now I feel empty all around totally alone, I don't drink, have only a couple of friends who are usually very busy, no one to talk.
I also learn that this could take serious time, those who got their love back took from 2 months to years, and how you do it??
How you support yourselves for that time without feeling your guts explode or the stomach burn in pain every time you think on her??
How you control your anxiety to run to her and beg again??
She wants me to be solid as the man she knew, how can I be the same man after I've been destroyed totally??
Las thing she told me, she loves my messages, and she feel sad because is the only communication we have, but later she feel angry, for all that has happened, and she still need her time.

For this who have been there. How you do it, how you gather strength to tell her good bye without thinking that she might never go back again.

After deciding to keep my life going on with no contact I feel better, with ups and downs of course.
However, today she texts message me, and I don't understand, so I hope somebody could tell me what is going on.
She-How are you feeling?
(I answer right away, I know, my mistake)
Me- Much better, thanks for asking�
She- I want to ask you, I still have the keys of your apartment, for sure you want it back, do you want me to leave it in the mail box?
Me- if you think that will help you, yes you can leave it in the mail box, but I am not asking for it.
She- good for you, about feeling better�
Me- hey, I want you to be OK, I think at the end this is the best for both of us, its time to keep moving and look for myself, I've been thinking in few things that I wanted to do and now is time to go for it, I feel little excited about it.�
She- OK I wish you the best, maybe this is the Ideal for you, with me you might be very limited, but it's OK. The most important is that you are OK and go ahead with your projects
Me- come on, don't say that, you were always exceptional girl, I Always told you this and I will always believe the same, besides you are a very successful girl, I am happy to know you are succeeding in your career, you deserve it�
She- Well I am sorry, but you just said that this was the better for both of us, but it's OK, no complaints; I want you to know that all is OK.
Me- This texting is to informal, do you want to share a cup of coffee with me?
She- I am not ready, just to see you will hurt me more.
Me- That is OK, I understand, maybe another time, still I am heading for a coffee to this place, if you want to just hang out and not talk about problems let me know.
She- I can't, I want to go out with my son.
Me - that is OK, give a kiss to the big boy for me.
The part I don't understand is that she forced me to end the relation, she ask for space without breaking up, and I give her space for almost a month but she didn't change a bit, It was affecting my health and she knew, now I am getting this

Should I go back straight to No contact?

What you guys think?

Hi guy, you sound like you are really in a bad way. Lets see if we can help. As you see I moved your original post here, so we could all get a bit of information and background.

Unfortunately, its hard to put a time line on these past events so some questions if you don't mind.

How long did you actually know this female before you started dating??

How old is she?

How long have you actually been broken up?

How long was this relationship?

Are you of the same religion, and nationality, or culture?

Have you ever been married?

Do you have family around you?

Without being specific what kind of work do you do, and how long have you been doing it?

Now without further details, though you are in emotional trauma at this time, the thing is that You haven't really broken up yet in your mind, and you are in shock. That's why the answers to my question are so important, because simply put, you need time and a life besides her.

Don't you know the calls, and texts are only keeping those hurt feelings all stirred up? I also think those hurt feelings read a lot of signals wrong, and you being the emotional dramatic type got very carried away with yourself and need some time alone to regroup, and get control.

I think you are far to dependent on her in your life for it to be healthy, and you have not had enough time for the dust to settle. The girl drove you a bit wacky seems to me. But Its only a guess at this point so I sure could use some answers to those questions buddy, it would help a lot, and be patient, others I am sure will be along.

Hang in there my friend. I await you input to my questions.

Talaniman asks some very valid questions,so,please come back and add that info.

I think were you're now you should stick to no contact-total,100% no contact.

You need to get your head together and to be able to trust the ground you're walking on.

Any contact will set you back on your road to healing,so next time she starts another guilt trip text marathon,ignore her.

I'm sorry,these things suck,but hang in there.

First of all, thanks a lot for reply, really thank you, is comforting just to know there are people out there.

I met this girl like 6 years ago, long while we were working in my old job, I was in charge of some processing stuff and she was temporary working under my wing, we met at the time but nothing happened since we were both married on each side, 2 years ago she sent me a Face book invitation and from there we start to communicate, she was separated and I was divorced, so we start this relation.
She is currently 31 years old and has a kid of 3 which I love very much.
We have been dating for 2 years straight.
We never had a brake up until now, maybe that is why is so hard.
We both are traditional Catholics I was born in USA but lived in Mexico city for many years and she was born in Colombia, we both living in Miami Currently.
We both have been married on each side, my marriage lasted 10 years, and hers around the same.
No I don't have any family here, after many years I came to USA, met my wife, got married and after divorced decided to stay, we never had kids, I've been divorced almost 4 years now.
I am Service manager in computer field, it includes everything from tech support to warranty and parts for all Latin America, and I've been doing this job for more than 10 years, so yes basically I am a nerd.
I wish to understand what she wants from me, you know I think, if she expect me to grow wings and fly I could tell, well sorry honey but that will never happen, same As I will never be able to breathe under water.
But if she ask me to give her more attention, well I cannot make her my reason to live, but I can take it up a notch or two, you see, in my (computer IT) world, everything has a solution, even brake up is a solution, but the most important is to realize that there is a problem to solve and at least try to solve it, no solution is good for everybody, but her solution of asking time literally put me on my knees, so I have to reject that, to be honest that is why is so confusing, In my head is only disposition, and let's keep going, that is why this worth it, at least for me, in her mind, I have no idea what is going on.
On the other hand, I broke the NC rule, I am really concern about the outcome of this slip in the evolution of this relation, Should I just go back to No contact?
What If she text me again, I don't ask what to say, but what is my position or the situation with my response?
Thanks a lot

Lost,you don't wait around in limbo for months on end-in the hope that she's going to change her mind.

To put it bluntly-tough love-her feelings have changed.

Now you should start getting over this by realising that this is a breakup-not a temporary glitz that can be fixed.

No contact-no replying to texts-no nothing.

NC is for you to heal and clear your head;it's not a tool to get back with an ex.

Take care.

Thanks a lot amicon, I try to hang to the idea that is over, but is really hard, I never feel so bad in my entire life, and certainly it never occur to me that would happen at this stage. With all my gratitude for your reply, thanks a lot.

It's when this kind of thing happens to us that we just have to pick up the bits and pieces and carry on.

Fake it till you make it.

You know you can do it.

I figured you to be a computer nerd from having to edit your posts so much, but my friend, a female is not a computer. There is no logic to their feelings, or how they go about the thought process, or the feelings department, and you are not so flexible in the feelings department yourself, and probably will never see what she sees, or why she sees what she sees.

Having said all that, your only course of action is to stop being available to her, and regroup and rebuild your own emotional well being. I don't know what's on her mind either, doesn't matter because what matters is what you do about YOUR situation, not hers.

Make No Contact your priority, and you won't have to go back, and start the self control, and logical thinking all over again, because it wears you out to keep starting over, again and, again with the healing process.

See this as a computer program, screw up before the process is complete, and you start all over. She just ain't the one, and doesn't want to be, so go NC, and don't let the friendly blather throw you off the program, see it through, and reprogram yourself, by deleting her from your life. Her drive has been corrupted, and is no longer viable, so upgrade your OS, and get a newer model, with more compatible features.

After you get yourself under better emotional control, which takes time, and hard work on your part, and don't get yourself so deep into another program that you cannot get out, and run your own. A program is only as good as the programmer, and there is much to learn about things that are not LOGICAL.