I was with my ex-boyfriend for 9months.
It was quite a whirlwind relationship: we met while I was working and he came in every other day for a couple of months and we used to chat and flirt- every time I saw him, my heart started racing -until I bucked up enough courage to give him my number. We subsequently went out on a date, got a hotel room and just jumped headfirst into things.

I've never been so in love with anyone before. After a few months I began to realise that he wasn't just "some guy" that I "kinda liked"- I was head-over-heels in love with him and I thought he was The One... The feeling was mutual.
We did everything together and spent as much time together as possible- things were perfect.

After 6 months, he moved into a new apartment- sharing with his uncle -and the shop I worked in shut down so they shipped me off to another branch an hours drive away and, naturally, things got a little tougher.
I started worrying more about everything and I panicked about my feelings for him too- every day I loved him more and I was beginning to feel as though this was going to be it for the rest of our lives and I didn't know how to cope with the feelings.

Before he took me on holiday for my 21st birthday, his ex got into contact with him and it knocked him for six- we had a big fight about it and, in the two week lead up to the holiday, we didn't speak or see each other.
It felt like the holiday was going to be horrible- a proper make or break situation -but, when we were there, things were fine. We slipped straight back into our routine and just lapped up each others company.

We had a rough Christmas- work was stressing us both out, financial worries about girfts and then the good old "What're we doing for Xmas?" question too -but New Year was lovely.
We talked about things and decided that 2011 was going to be "our year" and we were going to work on the relationship and make things better- I was so happy!
Then three days later he left me.

He started seeing his previous ex again.
It has completely broken me.

I've tried so hard to let go and move on but every time I've gotten tough and told him where to shove it or made a show of strength, he's said or done something that's torn me down again- we've kept in regular touch and met up for food/drinks/chats and we've slept together a couple of times since too.
So I've chased him for the last 3 months because I love him so much and I want to be with him. I've tried to win him back which has inadvertently pushed him away more.

I want two things- I want to feel better and I want him to take me back.
I don't know what to do.

Am I a silly little girl chasing rainbows?
Have I pushed him too far to ever hope of reconcilliation?
Is he doing this to get at me because he knows how strongly I feel for him?

You were probably his rebound from the ex,and now he's back with her.

That doesn't stop him from having his cake and eating it,as you let him back into your life whenever it suits him.

He's a twotiming so and so and if you want to feel better ,please find some self respect and tell him where to go!

In other words,stop chasing rainbows.

You should have stopped chasing rainbows when the ex came back in the picture.

Do so now, and cut him from your life, and as you heal and rebuild, it will hurt, but eventually you will feel better.

Forget having him back though.

Try to separate the feelings you have, from the stark reality of the situation you find yourself in. Really think about where you are going by putting your life on hold with an impossible dream that will never happen.

The nine months you were with him, you now know that he was not over his ex. That means that for him to have made a new commitment to her, he was never in a position to make a commitment to you. He made a choice, and you find now that he's pushing you further away after you pursued him for the past three months by meeting up with him, and allowing him to cheat on her, with you. I think it is fair to say that because he was never over her, it was only a matter of time before he went back.

If you settle for any relationship with him now- i.e. drinks, sleeping together etc. you are cheating yourself, you are cheating with him, and you are not showing a lot of respect or maturity toward his now, current girlfriend. My guess is, that if he's now cheating on her, it's only a matter of time before he cheats again with someone new. If he hasn't already.

This is not a situation you can 'win', and if you could, is this the man you can love, despite the heartache he has put you through? Do you really think that his ex contacted him out of the blue, and boom- they're back together? My guess is they were only on a break, and you happened to make life easier for him until they worked out their differences and got back together.

Whatever the reason, it is time to let go, and move on with your life. You will heal from this experience, and when you accept that it is over, if you've learned anything, you'll know that if he comes knocking again, he is not a man that should be up to your standards. Try not to allow ANY man to keep you dangling and interested with a few words here and there or a secret get together.

Don't let him keep your life on hold. You can do much better for yourself by completely letting him go, allowing yourself time to heal, and being more careful the next time around.