There's no way around it- my boyfriend is cheap. We've been together for almost 2 years, and now this is really starting to grate on my nerves and make me worry about a future with him. My boyfriend works full time and makes good money. I don't know how much, because he doesn't tell me (worried I'll turn into a "gold digger" maybe?), but he is 28 and owns his own home and 3 cars, one of which he bought very recently. I work part time and go to school. I'll say right now my paychecks are under $200/week. I live at home, but I pay my car insurance, cell phone bill, doctor co-pays (feel like I'm always at the damn doctor) and other necessary expenses. I really never get to spend money on myself for clothes or books or things I enjoy. I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend, but we don't live together. I am there on the weekends and 4 out of 5 weeknights, usually. My boyfriend thinks I should contribute to the grocery bill, and I have agreed to do that, and $20 is what I can afford weekly. When we go out for meals, he usually pays, but later I try and give him money for my share. I feel like if I don't, it makes him angry and he holds it in and when we have an argument, it will come out later. So to avoid him holding it against me, I give him money for my share, a good amount of the time.

When I think about it, he always spends money on himself. And yes, I realize that is his right, since we are not married or technically living together. I realize he has a mortgage to pay, but he is always buying CDs, t-shirts, and now this car. It was only $6000, but still. He has no problem spending money on himself. But when it comes to me, he is very tight. I feel bad even asking him to buy me a coffee or a snack, or whatever, if I don't have any money. For Christmas this past year, he kept going on and on about how he wanted to get me something I needed. The boots I have are getting kind of ratty, and he said he wanted to get me a new pair (UGG boots, for reference). I never once asked him to buy me these boots. Well, when we went to the store, and he saw the price, he immediately balked and backpedaled. I didn't receive the boots, and that's fine. What bothers me the most is how he acted when he saw the price of the boots. He could have done some simple research himself online and saw for himself how much they were, before telling me he wanted to get them for me because I "needed" them. The fact that he acted the way he did, in front of me, and over a gift he had WANTED to get me, still makes me feel bad. I am not asking to be showered with gifts and money all the time. I just want to feel taken care of, and I'd like to feel that he likes giving to me, without conditions attached. Sometimes I feel very unloved because of this, and because he receives a LOT of my attention, while I feel like I have to sometimes drag his attention to me a lot of the time.

This is not just something I have noticed. His best friend has even told me that his biggest fault is that he's cheap. I also know that his exes felt the same way. He brushes it off and gets very angry if I even hint that he's cheap, which is NOT often. Until a couple of weeks ago, I never even told him I thought he was cheap! Somehow when we talk about this, he turns it into something that is MY problem- that I don't know how to manage money, it's not his fault I work part time (I agree, it's not, it's no one's "fault") and it's his money and he'll do whatever he wants with it and if anyone has anything to say about it, well, they can basically go **** themselves. I know my family is worried that I will end up marrying him, and will consequently end up with financial problems and be unhappy later on. These issues have really got me down on the future of this relationship lately. How can I talk to him about it and try to change things and make him see things from my perspective? How can I bring it up in a way that isn't accusatory? I don't want to put him on the defensive from the get-go. I'm not sure how to bring it up in a way that doesn't cause a big blow out.

Well, how are things outside of money? Does he enjoy himself around you, and you him? Are you two romantic with each other? Does he support your education, your convictions, your dreams? Do you feel secure around him, like he wouldn't want to lose you/leave you, or see you come into harm?

If you are in love with him and want to marry him someday, I wouldn't worry about coming into financial problems. He seems like he's a responsible person fiscally, quite the opposite of your family's concerns. It's annoying sometimes to be subject to a frugal person (he has three cars, but what are they?), I would know because my dad is super frugal yet he has plenty of money. However, frugality is not a bad thing.

If you truly feel like you come second to money, that's one thing. But make sure you're not in the mindset "money=love". Some people just aren't gifters, if that's a problem for you and you share your family's concerns, you ought to consider if you're in the right relationship.

I hope you figure out what's best for you!

Sorry but there is nothing to change. He is who he is, so either accept it or leave it.

Most of the arguments in a marriage revolve around money trouble. You are starting on the wrong foot already. Your boyfriend needs to be in a relationship with another penny pincher. If he is unwilling to buy you what you want even for Christmas, especially when he could afford I, he is not worth your time. Cut him loose now, or you will spend the rest of your lives together resenting the fact that he loves himself a lot more than he loves you. Sorry, that is the bottom line.