Before you tell me to search other questions similar to this one please understand that I have. Many questions that I've seen aren't comparable to my situation.
My child's biological father is on her birth certificate. While I wanted him to be noted as her dad then, I no longer do because as we all know people change drastically.

Under Iowa law he has technically "abandonded" her- which means that he hasn't seen her, cared for her, paid child support (against an order), or things of that sort, in over 6 months. Also, he has a criminal background of domestic abuse (never on the children), he has known drug use and alcohol abuse, he actually signed fake papers claiming to terminate his rights, and is living over two hours away.

I do not have a boyfriend/husband that wants to take over as the father on the certificate, however I don't feel that I should need one. I have been caring for both children (learned my lesson the second time around and he's not on my son's certificate) and I do not need a man to help me.

So after all of this is there anything I can do legally; preferably by myself so I don't have to pay an attourney.

Thank you.

Nope. Nothing you can do at this time. And later your going to need the fathers permission for things so be aware of that.

I understand what you mean, I really do. My deceased husband and I raised a child who had been abused, neglected and abandoned by her parents. The abuse included physical, sexual and emotional abuse. I also raised my 2 birth children from age 4 to adulthood on my own. Their birth father was similar to your child's father.

Now, the things that I had to learn is similar to what you probably have to hear. First, Child Abandonment laws are not generally relating to a parent who has no contact with a child. They were written to protect children from neglect & abuse causing actual harm. For instance, a parent who leaves their child at home for the weekend while they go to the casino or goes to a neighbour's while the child is left home unattended for many hours fending for themselves. Generally speaking, if one parent has left the child in the care of another responsible adult then they have not abandoned the child.

Now, the other issue is the birth certificate. The biological father's name is not on the birth certificate to tell your child who their 'Dad' is. Your child, as mine all did, may identify someone else as their Dad as the years go on. The birth certificate identifies blood ties and no matter how bad you don't want that to be the case, the fact is that he IS her father. It is important that the birth father's is correctly identified. Birth, death, and marriage records are called VITAL statistics for a reason. They are not just for your own personal use. They are used to provide accurate records to the government. They assist in genealogy and family history searches, can help in medical diagnosis and are clearly necessary in support & custody cases just to name a few. All of the information helps the government plan future programs, education, health care and other services and government expenses.

Whether you like it or not, having both parent's names on a birth certificate means they carry parental responsibility to a child. At some point, that may become important to your daughter. It is for that reason, that if either party wants one of the names removed it becomes a legal process where the court would likely insist upon DNA evidence to prove the person is not a biological parent.

Now, putting legalities and politics aside... let's think of your daughter. Whether her father is a jerk or a wonderful man is something she is entitled to learn on her own, first hand, IF she so desires and only when she is old enough. Trust me, they DO figure it out on their own. I can almost guarantee that she will want to know at some point in her life who her bio father is/was and as much about him as she can learn. That may come about as a troubled teen. It may come up when she has a child of her own. It might even come up if she finds out she's dying and needs that closure. As much as a parent knows that the other parent is not a good person for the child it is not their role to play God (or whatever it is you/they believe in). It is your child's inherent right to know her family history whether that is painful or not. Who knows? Maybe this man will change and one day be worthy of being called Dad? What if you died and she NEEDED a parent? What if you died and she had a baby with serious health issues that could be resolved by knowing her birth father's family medical history? I know it sounds ridiculous, but honestly, there are just so many variables.

Two of the three children I raised opted to have contact with their absent biological parents. My birth daughter just needed to tell her birth father that he was just her bio father and that was where it ended. She told him she had a DAD and that was all she needed. It was her Dad that was there to wipe her tears, hold her, encourage her, etc. She made those assumptions and decided not to continue a relationship with him once she asked him everything she needed to ask. She was about 25 years old or so.

My birth son never opted for that contact. I told both of my kids when they were 21 that their birth father had been in contact and wanted to hear from them. He immediately refused and my daughter (at that time) was unsure. So, I told them his known address and phone number would always be in my phone book in case they decided and they did not have to tell me if they did unless they wanted to. My son never did and he is 39 now.

My other daughter who was not our biological child had a DEEP need to search her bio-parents out. It was the hardest thing in the world for me but I did what I felt was morally right. I did not actively assist her in finding them, but I supported her need to do so and let her know that I loved her and supported her in that desire. She found her birth mother and instantly realized what kind of a person she was and got out of her life immediately. She sued her birth father in criminal court for the abuses and neglect she suffered and it brought her closure. It changed her life and I am so glad that I remained supportive and didn't have the records closed.

If you are adamant that you should still do this, then you can probably get 1/2 hour free consultation with a lawyer to find out if your situation is worth pursuing. They don't have to know you want to do so on your own. You may even qualify for Legal Aid. I urge you to think long and hard about whether it is your responsibility to do this at all. Sometimes the head must rule over the heart and I truly believe this is one of those times.

Hugs, Didi

Grandmamadidi- thank you for your wise words and sharing your situation.
Iowa has a clause for child abandonment that includes parent(s) who have gone 6 months or more without caring (in any form) for the child in question.
I have thought deeply about this and my reasons for doing so. I have obtained all this family medical history and it's written down in a "safe book" for my kids in case anything should happen to myself, both my children have a guardian and I do have a Will in case I pass deeming their Guardian capable of resuming parental duties. I don't imagine that he will magically change; I do acknowldge most guys do however even if he does they don't need to deal with that drama.


Calidadof3- No, I will not need him to make decisions because I have full physical custody of my children which allows me to have full responsibility.

My question after reading your comments is why does he need to be on a piece of paper when my son doesn't have anyone listed, as well as numerous children around the world. He doesn't do anything and these are my kids. I refuse to believe that a court can call the shots with MY children and MY life. I can't stand the thought of having him randomlly show up someday and ask for rights when he does not deserve them and ruin my children.

Please, there has to be something that can be done.

Grandmamadidi- thank you for your wise words and sharing your situation.
Iowa has a clause for child abandonment that includes parent(s) who have gone 6 months or more without caring (in any form) for the child in question.
I have thought deeply about this and my reasons for doing so. I have obtained all this family medical history and it's written down in a "safe book" for my kids in case anything should happen to myself, both my children have a guardian and I do have a Will in case I pass deeming their Guardian capable of resuming parental duties. I don't imagine that he will magically change; I do acknowldge most guys do however even if he does they don't need to deal with that drama.


Calidadof3- No, I will not need him to make decisions because I have full physical custody of my children which allows me to have full responsibility.

My question after reading your comments is why does he need to be on a piece of paper when my son doesn't have anyone listed, as well as numerous children around the world. He doesn't do anything and these are my kids. I refuse to believe that a court can call the shots with MY children and MY life. I can't stand the thought of having him randomlly show up someday and ask for rights when he does not deserve them and ruin my children.

Please, there has to be something that can be done.

Then don't try to leave the country ever with the children. Because you will need the bio fathers permission. Also forget about adoption since you will be needing it for that too.

And as far as your statement about courts and dealing with your lifes choices. I find it laughable. How do you think the thousands of good fathers feel being denied in court every day and being put on punative child support? Do you think they were even remotely given a choice? Your no different and not further above the law just because you birthed a child. It took two to perform that miricle. The courts see it the same way.

It only takes two to make a child- NOT TO RAISE A CHILD.

I was 15 when I got pregnant and 16 when I had my daughter. Maybe that will make you think I'm irresponsible however I made a choice and I lived up to it. I had to drop high school but I got my GED two weeks later. Then enrolled in college. I graduated with my AA before I was 18 and finished Mortuary Science school in 3 semesters (that takes 7-8 classes a semester) while raising two kids ALONE.

He does not pay child support even though there is court order- he is spending his money on drugs, tattoos, and his girlfriend; not his kids. I don't want his money; actually I don't need his money.

I do not plan on putting my child up for adoption if that's what you meant, nor do I plan on adopting.
And I've already traveled outside the country with my daughter without his permission- so I don't know what you're talking about on that issue.

Mother's are generally always given custody of the child(ren) for a reason. Unless the mother is deemed unfit. While I believe there are great guys out there that want to be good fathers, kids need their mom and honestly- guys (IN GENERAL) just aren't as dependable.


I am asking for advice- not for you to laugh at me.

Thanks

Actually, it takes a VILLAGE to raise a child. NO ONE PERSON can raise a child alone. Anyone that thinks that is completely narcissistic and insane.

That being said:
1. You cannot involuntarily terminate someone else's parental rights just because you want to. If that were the case, I'd be severing parental rights of all the idiots I have heard from on these boards that have no clue about parenting, paying for children, and who abuse the welfare system. If someone could just choose to sever parental rights of someone else involuntarily with no record of actual danger to the child, then your ex could sever YOUR parental rights out of the same spite you're trying to sever his parental rights out of.
2. Your child has the RIGHT to a correct birth certificate. Shame on you for trying to deny your child that right simply because you don't like the guy you once were okay with sleeping with anymore.
3. VOLUNTARILY termination of parental rights must almost always be followed by an adoption. If you don't have a husband to adopt your child, you can forget about getting him to voluntarily sign away rights.

In other words---NO, you cannot remove a legal father from the birth certificate just because you don't like him anymore.

And you ALSO have made it more difficult on yourself for your other child--because biological fathers have rights regardless, even if they don't exercise them. Any name change, application for a passport, adoption---basically anything LEGAL--has to go through BOTH legal parents. While you may have physical and legal custody, that doesn't mean that the biological fathers do not have legal rights, and that you can take those rights away just because YOU want to.

The laws are there to protect ALL parents. Next time just don't have sex with someone you don't want to keep around as a daddy, and that will solve your problems more than trying to deny your child a father.

And I've already traveled outside the country with my daughter without his permission- so I don't know what you're talking about on that issue.

thanks

If you traveled outside of the U.S. or Canada and you didn't have the documentation to support it then what you did was illegal and could have caused your arrest.

Documentation requirements for taking kids of a divorce out of the country - Avvo.com (http://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/documentation-requirements-for-taking-kids-of-a-di-1007.html)

Sole custody taking child out of country - Avvo.com (http://www.avvo.com/legal-answers/sole-custody-taking-child-out-of-country-1080.html)

Children and Travel (http://www.voyage.gc.ca/faq/children-travel_enfants-voyage-eng.asp)

Travel Documents for Children Crossing Borders: for US Family Travelers, What Documents Do You Need to Cross Borders? (http://travelwithkids.about.com/cs/carplanetips/a/crossborders.htm)

Issuance of a Passport to a Minor Under Age 16: DS 3053 (http://travel.state.gov/passport/forms/ds3053/ds3053_846.html)

You can do some research if you like but the laws have changed if this is more recent then the last few years.

It is now required.

Many questions that I've seen aren't comparable to my situation.

Sorry, but I disagree. I have seen many, many questions from one parent complaining that the other parent has nothing to do with their child and want to remove them from the birth certificate and/or terminate their rights. In fact, I wrote a sticky posted at the top of this forum that answers your questions.

Many states do have guidelines about what constitutes abandonment that can be used for grounds for something else. And that's what you seem to be missing. You cite Iowa law without listing the statute that you got that from so we can check and give you the CORRECT interpretation.

But, I don't really need to. I am confident that no court is going to change the birth certificate on the basis of what you have said. Whether the father is a part of your child's life or not, he is STILL the father. Nothing changes that and a court is not going to do so. You can, probably, get full legal as well as physical custody, if you don't have that already. You can, probably get any visitation denied by the court, if you haven't already done so. You might even be able to get her name changed, though that's going to be harder. But change the birth certificate to remove the record that he is the father? Nope no court is going to do that and you have no grounds to ask for it.

Do I have to read all of this in order to determine why OP imagines she needs to change the birth certificate?

A BC is not like the title to a car. It simply is the historical record. On such and such a date the child was born. At that time the child's parents were [named mother] and (if known) [named father].

Altering this historical record isn't going to alter the parents' respective rights with respect to the child. Any Tom, ****, or Harry can still, at any time, file something with the court claiming that he is the child's father and he wants certain rights regarding the child. A court would still have to decide.

If OP wants to change the bio-father's rights, changing the BC isn't going to do that. She needs a court order.

... Any Tom, ****, or Harry ...

If my name was Richard, and if I went by a certain diminutive of that name, I would be... extremely perturbed... at certain forum filters. :(

ScottGem-
Why post something else if you already wrote a "sticky"? I actually did read it but I was hoping to hear from people will more helpful advice.

Every state law is different, including Iowa's. If I knew the law code I would be in law school. And for the record I did NOT cite the law code- I simply gave a summary of how Iowa works.

If you had read everything you would have seen that I do in fact have a court order giving me full physical custody; which in turn gives him NO visitation, at least that's how Iowa works.

How do you come up with the statement that I have no grounds to ask for this? Did you not read anything except the title then jump on your own bandwagon to come down on me like you have everyone else?

My daughter has my name.

I'm certain it only costs 50$ to change a name (first, middle, or last) it so I really don't understand where you're getting that it would be hard and a court wouldn't allow it.

And since you obviously have a high quality law degree and practice law daily- please tell me why a court wouldn't grant this? If I have been raising my daughter full time alone and he has not, nor will not be in the picture why wouldn't a judge grant it? Don't give me the excuse because it's a historical document or some BS like that. Since you obviously didn't read I have a son (same dad) but he doesn't have his dad on his birth certificate. Why is it OK for my son but not my daughter? PLEASE ANSWER ME THAT!!

A name on a paper doesn't mean S**T.

Why do you think anyone has more helpful advice? You are not paying attention. You came here and asked for help. You have been given that help and have ignored everything you have been told. If you weren't going to listen then why bother asking?

I didn't ask if you knew the code, but if you knew the statute where the law is so we could look it up. Yes I know every state law is different, but many states subscribe to uniform code to make those differences less.

Yes I did see that you had full physical custody. But physical and legal custody are different things. And full physical custody does not, necessarily mean no visitation. But if you read what I said, I took into account that you may have all that.

I said you have no grounds to ask for the bio father to be removed from the birth certificate. I made it clear why you have no grounds for that. I will repeat. The father IS the father. All the birth certificate says is that he is the bio father. That is a scientific fact unless you are disputing that. So there are no grounds that a court will entertain a motion to remove him from the birth certificate. If you don't want to accept our advice on that point then waste your money consulting with an attorney who will tell you the same thing.

If your son doesn't have a father's name on his birth certificate then its because you left it off when he was born. I don't know whether you lied or just didn't know who the father was. Too bad you didn't know enough to do that with your daughter. And the only reason your son remains with no father on the because is because the father has not tried to get on the because or there has been no call to identify the father.

I didn't come down on you, I tried to help you by educating you to the legal facts. If you refuse to listen, that' is your problem. You don't know anywhere near as much as you think you do. But again, don't take my word for it. Submit a motion in Family court to remove the father's name and see how far it gets you.

Removal of the biological father's name off my child's birth certificate...So after all of this is there anything I can do legally;




How do you come up with the statement that I have no grounds to ask for this? .
In brief-you cannot do it.

Termination of parental rights and erasure a name from Birth certificate are legally incompatible.To remove a BF's name off child's BC is against the public policy and the best interest of the child,because your child will lose

1.Child Support - Your child's legally established parent may be required by a court to pay child support and provide health insurance coverage for your child.

2.Social Security Benefits - Your child maybe eligible for Social Security benefits if a parent becomes disabled or is deceased.

3.Life Insurance - Your child may be entitled to his or her parent's life insurance benefits.

4.Inheritance - Your child may share a right to inherit property from his or her parent's estate.

... and so on...


In other words---NO, you cannot remove a legal father from the birth certificate just because you don't like him anymore.

And since you obviously have a high quality law degree and practice law daily- please tell me why a court wouldn't grant this? If I have been raising my daughter full time alone and he has not, nor will not be in the picture why wouldn't a judge grant it? Don't give me the excuse because its a historical document or some BS like that. Since you obviously didn't read I have a son (same dad) but he doesn't have his dad on his birth certificate. Why is it ok for my son but not my daughter? PLEASE ANSWER ME THAT!!!!

A name on a paper doesn't mean S**T.

No one can predict the future except the prophets.Let's imagine a situation.2012-you are disabled and your children have to be supported by us-the taxpayers.We have rights,too. One of them is a right for recoupment from the other parent .Then you will be forced to cooperate and to establish him as your son's legal father or your son may fall into foster care.That's the way the system works.


My daughter has my name.

I'm certain it only costs 50$ to change a name (first, middle, or last) it so I really don't understand where you're getting that it would be hard and a court wouldn't allow it.
I am sure the court may allow a name change but I am sure the court will not allow a parent's name to be removed from a BC.

If you refuse to listen, that' is your problem.

Who is this supposed to serve, your child or your need to forget that you ever had a relationship with this man? Regardless of what kind of father he is , he is still the father. That is all the birth certificate says. It doesn't say anything about care or love, it speaks to legality, and in most cases, biology.

If a name on paper doesn't mean s*it, then why are you so desperate to remove his?

My question is if a name on paper doesn't mean anything, then why does she think HER name on that piece of paper means more than HIS?

Because all it means is he donated sperm--- you know lets just forget the 9 months carrying the child, the 28 hours of labor endured, the countless nights spent staying up... Get the picture?

A sperm donator goes through a clinic and is not legally related to the child in any way because of the way the laws surrounding sperm donation are written.

You HAD SEX with this man. At LEAST twice. That's not sperm donation. That's a relationship.

You just don't get it, do you? Whether you are involved in the raising of a child, biology establishes legal parenthood. If your MOTHER had been the one to get up with the child every single night for the first year, YOU are still the legal parent, and it takes a COURT ORDER to change that. Same goes for him--unless you have a COURT ORDER change who the legal father is (and that's usually ONLY allowed in an adoption), HE IS STILL THE LEGAL FATHER.

Next time, if you don't want to deal with a legal father, then go to a legal sperm bank.

Or just keep your legs crossed.

YOU are the reason why I'm starting to think that we should start shunning single parents again, and treat them as if they should be ashamed of themselves for having children outside of wedlock. You don't give a flying duck whether your choices are in the best interest of your children. You just want to erase the evidence that you had sex with a guy you don't like anymore.

You know Jamie, you went to a public forum and asked for an answer on the law. You got several. You cannot change the birth certificate as a way of eradicating your poor judgment on who to lay with. That is the answer that other people have stated over ten times and it is the correct one. What you think about it doesn't matter, that is the law. You wanted an answer, you've got it.

(But I guess I won't get a green thumb for being correct from her... she seems to think that her opinion can change the law)

Okay, there are too many emotions being expressed and wrapped up into the answering of this question. I understand where all of them are coming from, but it's not helpful to the OP. Nobody really KNOWS her circumstances or all of the reasons for the question, but it really doesn't matter. The fact is that Birth Certificates are records of Vital Statistics and as such are required to be filled out honestly (which I am aware is not always done, but they should be.)

Please note that in my original response I tried very hard to let the OP know that while I fully understand why she might want to have the biological father's name removed, I also advised the following:


....Whether you like it or not, having both parent's names on a birth certificate means they carry parental responsibility to a child. At some point, that may become important to your daughter. It is for that reason, that if either party wants one of the names removed it becomes a legal process where the court would likely insist upon DNA evidence to prove the person is not a biological parent.

All judgements aside, if you feel that we have not answered your question then I think you should consider (as I believe I also mentioned, but may not have) getting a free 30 minute legal consultation with a lawyer who practices family law which many lawyers provide. Please don't let the emotions of others here get to you. I know that there are the same intensity of reasons for their response as there is for your reasons to attempt to have the biological's father's name removed.

I wish you best of luck in your decisions, but mostly I hope that nobody's rights are taken away... yours, the biological father's or your daughter's. I still feel that the only person who is entitled to make that decision are your children... but this is not an ethical or moral question, it's a legal one.

Hugs, Didi

By the way... I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but if the bio father WANTS custody of his children (whether on the birth certificate or not thanks to DNA testing) and something happens to you, it matters NOT what your will says. As the biological father he CAN attempt to obtain custody and just might be able to do so, regardless of your will or anything else! That was the ultimate blow to me in my situation with our youngest. We did, however, protect her by obtaining a statement from Children's Services (for what it was worth at the time) stating that they did not believe that would be in her best interests to be in either parent's custodial care. So, if you see a lawyer, you may just want to query that, as well.

Hugs, Didi

Comments on this post
JamieB1013 does not find this helpful : Because he was a jerk and didn't answer the question.

Please review the rules of this site. A negative rating is only to be used when an answer is factually incorrect or inaccurate. Your negative ratings here have been inappropriate and in violation of the rules of this site. You asked for help and you got good and accurate advice. But it turns out to be advice you didn't want to hear. So instead of thanking the people for their time and sharing their knowledge, you strike back at them.

I do understand your frustration. You made a mistake and entered a relationship with this person. You regret it and want to wipe it out. But you can't legally. The best way to wipe it out is to show you have moved on and made a better life for yourself and your children then he has for his. Being bitter about YOUR mistakes is just going to fester.