I am a 47 year old man. I was in a 7 year relationship with a great woman, who is now 49, and we had made plans for our future together. We weren't abusive to each other. We enjoyed the same things. In short it was a really great relationship. Somehow we began to fall apart, but really that's not the issue I am asking about. I am aware of the reasons for it and I take full responsibility for my part of the demise of our relationship.

I am more concerned with the aftermath of the break up. She left me, but since I have left women before, and I have been left by women before. For some reason, this time, I could not get past it, and I don't know why. I fell into a very deep depression that lasted about 5-7 months. Even that's not really the issue I inquire about. Well anyway, unfortunately, I spent those months in depression pestering her to return to our relationship. I was pathetic to say the least. She thought I was a psycho, and at the time, I would have to agree I was. Although I never imposed myself on her physically in any way, I never drove by her house or work, never followed her, or showed up where she would be. I never asked our mutual friends about her, or inquired anyone about what she was doing or who she might be with. I encouraged our mutual friends to remain friends with both of us, and always respected her privacy. I never called her at work or discussed anything with her family or friends. I did nothing that could be construed a stalking nor did I do anything that might be considered obtrusive.

What I did do, was pester her relentlessly with texts and emails. It was about one a day, maybe a few less, for 6 months. I would call her on occasion, but not often, and sent her a few emails. I got no responses. Finally the time came for me that I felt good again, I was coming out of my depression, and I had quit the texting and emailing for several months. I ran across an item in a town I had visited, that I knew she had always wanted. I bought it, I sent it to her work address by UPS just to insure she would get it. Several days went by and I received an email from her. The email was a nasty, name calling and angry narrative that questioned the integrity of my mental stability, and with malice called me a psycho. I was shocked and hurt to say the least. I realized though that this was most likely a reaction from my previous barrage of texting and emails.

I wrote back trying to explain and apologize for that period of pain I went through. I know that I caused her great anguish, and asked for her forgiveness, which she rudely and with malice denied me in her response by telling me that she does not read my text, or my emails. She immediately deletes them and wants me to leave her the %$#@ alone, or she will be forced to file charges. This all took place around August of last year.

Since then I have sent very few texts. A card for her birthday, and nary an email. Not a single phone call, all in which I was nice and respectful and in which I tried to explain and apologize for my transgression during my depression. In these I tried to explain that I accepted some time ago we are through and it is my only wish that we heal from this and move on. Even now she thinks that I still want her back. I have made it very clear that I don't want her back, but I also don't want a hatred between us. She rarely responds to the very few texts I send saying this. If she does respond, its downright ugly and totally uncalled for. I have sent her only two texts in the last 5 months and she has replied to one of them in the very same manner. The last time, she tried to trick me into believing she had a boyfriend texting me to back off. $4.95 to an online cell number trace gave me the name and info as to who it actually was. Just a friend of hers that I also know. I have no ill will for him, and he was actually pretty respectful in his text to me.

I have no ill will for her, I don't want the relationship back, yet I feel an overwhelming need to take responsibility for the actions and anguish I caused by them during my depressed state. I want to write her an apology letter, but I know that she will not read it. If she read it she would be aware that I am not about hurting her and am not trying to regain the relationship. Effectively she hates my guts. I don't like that, but I can live with it. What I can't live with though is her ignorance of my sincere remorse and regret for the actions I took, and the anguish I caused, by sending her all of those ridiculous texts and emails during my depressed state. I am not one who is prone to violence, but I have a suspicion that there may be some trouble coming from her via friends maybe getting physical with me on her behalf and quite possible with her full knowledge. She does not know this, but I have a concealed firearms carry permit and I do so everywhere I go. I am not about killing anyone, but will not hesitate if I am forced with the threat present danger to me or mine. I no longer have a romantic love for her, but I do respect her and myself enough to want to do the right thing by her. I don't mean to make her appear like a nut case or a total bit&^, because she really is a great person and a wonderful friend, or at least she was.

Any advice? Sorry this was so long, I actually tried to make it much shorter, without losing the pertinent points.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration,
I appreciate any feedback offered.
Blondewop

Have you seen a doctor about your depression?
Are you on medication?

Therapy?

She doesn't want to hear from you,in any shape or form,so leave her alone!

You take responsibility for your actions by realising the impact of the many mistakes you,repeatedly,have made and let that be a lesson for future relationships.

What reasons do you have to believe there are real threats to you and yours?

I'm really uncomfortable with your carrying a weapon around.

Sir,
While I do appreciate your concern for the world at large, you should know something about that of which you speak.
I am trained and I have no history whatsoever of violence. I think in your infinite wisdom, you may have missed the whole pretext of my question. I am a responsible, law abiding citizen, who had a about of depression the first time in his entire life. I am aware she doesn't want to hear from me now, but if you knew her as well as I, you would understand. I am not on medication, nor do I need it. I function perfectly among society and always have. My depression ended some 5 months ago. And it was of a situational nature, worse case scenario. Maybe you don't read so good, or maybe the question was just too long to hold your attention, but you have me now thinking that maybe this venue was not a very good place to seek the advice of my peers.
I wanted to know what one thinks how the underlying problem may be at the very least, put aside so that I can make a proper apology to her, thus allowing her to heal effectively. I am a man who cares about people and I take full responsibility for my mistakes in life. When one asks a question of you, it's normally within their best interest to answer it honestly and without prejudice. It sounded as though you seek the satisfaction you may gain by self proclaiming your importance. I don't know if that is true, but if it is, please stop hurting innocent people with your meaningless and judgmental mutterings I doubt that you are qualified to hand out opinions like they are candy. That is unless your out there hunting little girls.
Your rant sounds as though it originates from someone who believes they have the right answers in all situations. I would bet the reality of it is, that as you sit for hours upon end at your computer, life in the real world is passing right by your window. If you were to re-read your reply, you will notice it is filled with judgment, and provides no answers or even the slightest hint of constructive advice.
Thank you for your time. I appreciate that you probably tried very hard to come up with your answer. But please, in the future, try and pay attention to what people are asking so that maybe next time, you can offer them something other than the obvious restating of their original inquiry.
People that come here, as I have noticed in what I have read, need good solid advice. Not the judgmental, and condescending rant that you have provide me. I do hope you will do better for the next person.
Yes, I carry a weapon. I am trained in it's use and have been shooting responsibly all of my life. I comply with all laws regarding the privilege granted me by all, yes I said all, states in U.S that recognize in their prospective constitution, the ability and right to obtain such permits. I have been successfully cleared through Federal investigations providing criminal, personal, and psychological profiles that are necessary under Federal statutes pertaining to the allowance of such a privilege. I am educated, well read, well traveled and I own and conduct a lucrative business. I have begun my studies regarding human behavior in order to correct and prevent this from happening to me or someone I care about again. It would seem I should be thankful for your reply, as I have just learned a little more. Furthermore, it would not surprise me in the least that if my ex, the one I referenced in my question, were to hear you respond like that to me, or anyone else, out loud, she would slap your face, and advise you never to darken her doorway again. She is also a highly educated person, more so than myself I must say, and she cannot stand blatant displays of incompetence.
I came here seeking REAL advice, because this is the first time I had ever experienced this type of behavior in someone I loved dearly at one time, and the first time in my life I had ever experienced the feelings I had some 5 months ago. Because of this I seek only credible and constructive answers.
One last thing; If you were being attacked with the threat of deadly force. You could either kiss your *** goodbye, or be thankful that people like me are out there willing to protect people like you from such atrocities. You choose. No, I correct myself; It would not be your choice at all. It may not seem like it now, but I do care about you, and I would without hesitation, step in to protect your life. Bar None.
Again, I thank you for your time and effort,
Be well.

I find your selfish passive aggressive quest for forgiveness, unacceptable and frankly psycho that borders on plain crazy. How dare you continue your campaign of harassment on someone who wants no part of you at all.

My advice, give her the true peace she wants from you, and leave her, and her life the freak alone. You are just so completely wrong, and misguided, that I hope you get the proper help to finally see, and be able to do the right thing.

But of course you are so stuck in your own mind to entertain any thought that doesn't justify your own obsession. Get some help for that, before its to late. You are wrong on every level.

O dear god, I understand why you want to patch things up with her. But if she's not willing to do so, there's nothing you can do about it.

While you were in your depressive state, you harassed her, but what's done is done and ex's tend to do that. However, why do you keep contacting her? Not only are your making her hate your more thus making forgiveness a NO GO at all.

How about, you focus your attention elsewhere? The more you think about it the longer it takes, and to be honest you seem obsessed with her or rather the idea of you two making up. At this site there's something called a NC sticky.(I suggest you read it)

She tried faking herself into a relationship with another dude in the hopes of you would back off, but no no - you had to find out the whole ordeal, and just what you suspected it was a trick. But you misunderstand, it wasent meant for you to find out, it was put in motion for you to abandon all hope of reconciliation with her in any way, shape or form. SO GET THE MESSAGE, LEAVE HER ALONE.


As Amicon said: She doesn't want to hear from you,in any shape or form,so leave her alone!
It's simple, easy to read and the right advise for you.. because you are obsessed!

Do the right thing leave her alone and get on with your own life. Nothing more you can do, it's only going to be downhill from here!

I guess You guys just don't read. If you had, you'd know that I have left her alone since August of last year. I don't intend to impose on her more texts or communications of any kind. 6-7 months ago, I would have agreed with most of what you have said. I am no longer obsessed, just questioning, first, why did I become obsessed during that time, and second, how can one make up for that?
I agree that I should just leave it be, and that is what I am doing. I feel responsible for the pain I caused her and want only for her to know that. I don't need the forgiveness. It would be nice, but it's not necessary. I have already moved on and if you had read, I have not tried to see her or talk to her in 6-7 months. Talinman, really. How dare YOU judge me in that fashion. Passive aggressiveness? Where do you get that. I am not mad, obsessed, or even upset anymore. I am only concerned, we truly enjoyed our friendship. That's over. I understand it and have no problem. I don't wish for the return of the relationship. I just think it is such a shame and since part of what you all say is in fact correct. I will attempt no further apology. Talinman, I kind of lost all need to read what you wrote following "psycho that borders on plain crazy" that is plainly a Judgement you are not qualified to make, not to mention it makes no sense at all. I never said I was right, and that's one reason I asked my original question. @ Ken007, I found your response to be Enlightening in many respects. You allowed me to see a couple of things that I didn't think of. Thank you.
I mean no disrespect if I got names wrong. Currently I am typing this on my iPhone. Excuse if you will my lack of concern for punctuation, spelling and the like.
I don't plan to pursue anything regarding her, and I haven't in a very long time. You are all right in the respect that my trying to apologize is in and of itself a burden to her, I don't want to be a burden, never did. I will heed the popular advice and leave her completely be. My life is not an empty one, so maybe the universe will someday allow her to know that I'm sorry. Other than that, oh well. Please pay attention to
Timelines when they are given. Save us all alto of typing.
Thanks everyone for your input.
Be well

That's the spirit, leave her be. And focus on yourself, eventually this whole thing will and your desire to make amends will fade, and it should because she's not interested in it.

So for now, well done and enjoy your life :)

Ken007,
I wanted to thank you again, Especially for, but not limited to, your reply in which you commented on the fact that she tried to fake herself into a relationship in the hopes I would back off. Your right, I wasn't supposed to find out the truth. I was blind to the reasons behind that action. I was blinded it to it because I was not after a reconciliation of our relationship. I was headstrong in my desire for her to understand the true intention I had. That was simply to apologize and assure her that no more will I be causing her grief.
I still thought that if I could just get 5 minutes of her time, not even face to face, that she would not only be relieved, but might also over time, begin to understand that the person I was that perpetrated those ridiculous texts on her is not the person I am. I was in fact, so dead set on removing her ignorance of that fact, that I failed to see that by doing so, I was creating even more animosity in her for me. Thank you for making me think a little to the left, thus seeing this from a slightly different perspective. It seems so obvious now. I am an educated, reasonable person, and I don't understand why I couldn't see it before. Perhaps I was just too close to the situation. I don't know, but I would now like to formally express my thanks to you for helping me to see it.
Keep up the good work you do here.
Be Well

@ Talaniman, and amicon
I don't want to seem disrespectful, but I have to ask; If by chance you are charged with providing advice to a person on a subject that is very close to his or her heart. Someone who by chance, is not really that mentally healthy, or their psyche is in a weakened state due to drugs, mental illness, depression, or some other seriously problematic condition. What do you think would happen if you used the belittling, condescending, hurtful words and tones you used with me? Have you ever given any thought that you could have possibly and quite easily caused an already deranged mind to develop a thought pattern that could easily cause them to inflict harm on themselves or others? I would choose my words and the tones in which I projected those words, carefully. Remember, because we are dealing with words that are not accompanied by sounds in which tones can be mellowed or provide a sense of feeling in one. Your words are written in text. They are cold and without visual or orally provided emotional back up. You cannot assume that everyone you correspond with can deal with what you write, or the tone in which you present it. It doesn't take much of a push in the wrong direction. It doesn't take much of an attitude, or to create a feeling in one that could to send someone over the top. What if, think about it, what if you were to give someone like that what you believe to be sound advice, The wrong impression of themselves or another they trouble themselves with? What if by the very words and the tones in which you used them, you caused something to snap within them and they go out and commit horrible atrocities against the public at large, or against their girlfriend, or best friend, or anyone at all. What if they committed suicide, or murder, or raped a child, solely because you made them feel like they were less than they really are. How would you feel being the cause of that? In the case of suicide, that would make you unknowingly guilty of manslaughter. You would be an unwitting accessory to anything they did; good or bad. I know I wouldn't want to be responsible for something like that. I am sure that you would not like that to happen, and I don't believe you are bad people. I am sure you are quite the opposite. You are here, because you believe that you can help others, and I am quite sure you can. I am a healthy individual, with full mental capacity, and in possession of the ability to know wrong from right. You can say anything you want to me, but please be careful what you say, and how you say it to others, because you don't have a clue as to their present mental state.
You are here to help others by your own choosing, make sure it is help you are giving and not inadvertently creating sorrow or pain.
That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
Thank you for what you do here, and also for reading my advice.
Be Well

Well being the dodgiest out of all the posters above, I do actually understand where you're coming from.

You mentioned in your second paragraph that this was the first time that a woman has left you. Prior to this you were given the opportunity to end it emotionally and mentally and prepare yourself for leaving. This time around you weren't able to. You quite literally had the rug pulled out under you and you got a dose of what your previous girlfriends felt.

I'm certainly not agreeing with the level of behaviour you'd expect from a man of your age nor do I condone what you done. A few here will more than likely agree, I am probably one of the first agressors on to men who have an obsessive compulsion to stalk women or treat them in a way that is demeaning, derogatory and abusive. But even in a depressive state, you acted out of character and in a way that as some of the above posters have singled out, was 'just not right'.

I believe your 'depression', persay, was bought on by rejection. Reading between the lines, you're an intelligent man, respectable in your views, eloquent in your wording and aware of what it was that you done wrong.

Unfortunately for you there is absolutely nothing you can possibly do to undo the damage you've done. You're going to have to let sleeping dogs lie.. and learn from this very steep learning curve.

In regards to the gun comment and the concerns again above. You only commented on it as a way to show that you're capable of taking care of yourself and aware of the outcome from using it in a 'have to' situation. I personally can't stand the things. Too many lives have been lost... but that's my opinion on them and I understand also what others mean.

You have to understand, explaining your depression, medication, 'stalker' type qualities and guns. For those who skim read. Doesn't really work in your favour.

I strongly suggest you keep to no contact. No texts. No emails. No cards. No nothing. Let time be healer. Let her live her life. Start living yours. Perhaps you'll be a little more empathetic next time your girlfirends falls in love with you and you choose to leave.

I think what your finding is that you enjoy stroking your own ego. There is only one sentence in this that could even remotely construed as constructive. I will let you figure out what it is. Makes my heart hurt to know that people are listening to you. This is so irresponsible on many levels, including; 1. You obviously did not read the question. 2. You only succeeded in building up your own self importance by being condescending and thus completely failed at allowing me to take you seriously. 3. Your judgmental attitude permeates your entire narrative and you should not be allowed to to talk with strangers unchaperoned. 4. Your insulting tone and 3rd grade use of grammer; well, it speaks for itself. 5. The whole of this reply should serve as a warning to all that you only serve yourself, and that because you actually, and falsely believe that you have the ability, the education, qualifications and expertise to psycho-analyse others; THEY SHOULD RUN! FAR AWAY FROM YOU!

The whole of this reply should serve as a warning to all that you only serve yourself, and that because you actually, and falsely believe that you have the ability, the education, qualifications and expertise to psycho-analyse others; THEY SHOULD RUN! FAR AWAY FROM YOU!

This is an open forum. And as such people view posts in very different ways. People are entitled to opinionate, suggest and offer ideas on their experiences, feelings, and qualifications.

It doesn't meant to say that it favours everyone in what they're looking for. And at times opinions formed aren't always what we want to hear and the negative of posts are picked up rather than the overall.

Talaniman is one of the exceptional posters on this forum. He is indeed blunt and honest but fair in his judgements. Perhaps not always.. but he is certainly only a few that I am most grateful for, for his help, opinions and views.

Take the good with the bad. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Really? Was my question to long to hold your short attention span? You either didn't read it in it's entirety, or are you simply filling out a form reply that allows you to push your judgments on as many people as you can in a day?
Your first sentence implies: You did not read the question
Your second and third sentences imply: You did not read the question
Do you see a pattern?
Your fourth sentence implies:You did not read the question
Oh wait! A change up! Your fifth sentence: Remains none of your business. Had I thought it was of a crucial concern of mine within my question, I would have related that to you
Your sixth sentence: Simply a judgmental statement, self qualified by you and by nothing in my question that would cause concern, IF THEY ACTUALLY READ THE QUESTION! The possibility that people actually listen to you scares me for them. I'm really uncomfortable with your throwing advice around.

You read the question. This is a person who takes helping others seriously and does not employ it like those who would use it to stroke themselves into the warm and fuzzy feeling they get by "helping" Your reply was forthright, yet respectful. Several avenues of thought were brought forth by your insight.
Although this is exactly what I did not want to hear, it was in fact truth, and afforded me opportunity to investigate it's validity in my own mind. It was short, to the point, yet it said everything. Even made me think that maybe I have traded the earlier obsession of reconciliation, for the obsession of creating peace by apology.
I know now that the latter is, by all means the right thing to do, but also is a fantasy, and if proceeded with, will achieve nothing but creating more grief for us both. Thank you. I am pleased that you have taken it upon yourself to reply to my answer. The others, purely irresponsible for the knowledge of me possess of me. Thanks again.

I'm hip, but when dealing with folks that you don't know, I find it completely irresponsible to belittle, judge, and be condescending. Myself, I can take it, but there are many out there who would likely strike out in violent rage. I am sure he is quite helpful to some. But care must be observed, public forum or not. In person or not, people are people and you cannot generalize them and expect them all to take their ball and quietly go home. Some of the less balanced people, God bless them, will undoubtedly, at some point react to this type of condescension in violent and detrimental ways. Innocent people will get hurt. Is it really worth the ego stroke to behave in such a manner. In my opinion; absolutely not. Thank you, your post is indeed a fair and valid viewpoint.

Okay, I am guilty of all you say, but lets set the record straight, I skimmed nothing, matter of fact, I reread parts of your post, and the thing that fascinated me most, was after hints that became more aggressive with time, still you persisted, and my friend, if I can presume to use that phrase, the excuse was for her own benefit , even after you apologized and got no response. Was I jumping to a conclusion, or assuming good intentions, no, you wrapped all of your actions around what you think was the right thing for you, and the hell with what she was wanting. Trust me, I know enough psychos personally to know exactly what they think, and why, and boy did your account of your actions, and motives fit the bill.It wasn't a personal cheap shot, or keyboard courage, just a straight slap across cyber space to get you to see exactly what I see in your post. No more, no less. You really didn't give a rats patoot about HER feelings at all, only your own skewed logic, that lead to unacceptable behavior.

But the most telling part of your post that invoked the psycho comment, was YOU feeling the need to protect yourself from a danger that was a direct reaction of actions instigated entirely by you. No where was there remorse, or a second thought of maybe you should leave her alone, so I knew you are one of those folk that see wrong in others, but not yourself.

Now don't get me wrong, you are hardly alone being a smart, intelligent, hard nose, stubborn SOB, and probably as skilled as I am, in provocative passive aggressive behavior, but my intention was to slap you upside your head, not poke you in the eye, so for that I apologize humbly, my aim is generally better than that, but we all have a bad day, or can be less than great, but the biggest clue to what you were about was found in the title, and if you couldn't see the simple common sense answer to that question, I knew for a fact, you would need a smack about your skull. That's what I tried to give you and again sorry about the eye.

And in case you still need an answer to your 1st question... she hates you and doesn't want to hear a word you have to say, and given your behavior, can you blame her??

Hope this helps, and please feel free to ask any other questions you may have a problem with.

"She left me, but since I have left women before and I have been left by women before. For some reason, this time I could not get past it" This is what I said, nothing about "prior to this" but yes, the rug was pulled out from me. I have never left a woman without allowing her face to face respect & dignity. I whole-heartedly agree with your 2nd, 3rd, and 4th paragraphs, and this is one of the reasons I asked the original question. I felt like I was something so foreign to myself and now that I am, for lack of a better word, in control again. I want so much to understand why or how I allowed myself to become something that I also abhor with passion. I only texted, and emailed. All of my writings to her were respectful and non threatening, but I'm hip, they were unwanted and unwarranted. I never imposed myself on her in any other manner. Not that this is a brownie point for me, but want to clarify the level of my transgression. Gotcha on #6 Thank you, I appreciate you.

Absolutely. Although I do really care how she feels and am sorry to have caused the hatred she will have to carry as she is not one to let go of things that are ultimately bad for her. I totally and completely agree that everything pertaining to the present was indeed, a result of my own actions. I have never denied that fact, nor have I ever pointed a finger at anyone else for anything involved. Now be aware that there are some major indiscretions that have been committed by her, but I hesitate to disclose any of this because of her absence, thereby not allowing her to "face her accuser". Besides, I am sure that towards the end of our tenure, I made it easier for her to do these things, and I am not upset about any of it, nor does it make me care for her as a person any less. I find that kind of thinking to be childish and even degrading. I truly and honestly do not want the return of the relationship. I made that decision, if you could call it a decision, more than 5 months ago. I honestly wanted only to apologize and possibly salvage a sliver of respect she once held of me. Yes, I admit that this was mostly of a selfish desire; but while this is true, I honestly wanted for her to heal as well. I was not aware until I read Ken007's reply that I was only whipping an already dead horse, and causing more damage in addition to what I had already caused. I respond more to logic than I do to punitive actions or verbiage. I thought it completely illogical that someone who loved you as much as she did, would not allow me to provide an apology. I have really screwed the proverbial pooch on this one. I am aware, and I must be fair, even given the harsh and pointed monologues I gave about yours and amico's replies, while I was taken aback by them, they did make me think about myself in a way that really, quite honestly, makes me sick to my stomach. So, that being said; I actually became that person that committed things that I absolutely abhor as I see it in others. I sir, am now humbled. And, I thank you for it. Although I do have concern as to how a lesser mentally balanced person could react to the very language used towards me. I know now that I deserved it. However, I still believe care must be observed when talking to person's unknown to one's self. Especially because it is only the visual word. Tones can be misconstrued and the intention behind it from the author of said words can be completely ignored or otherwise mistaken and possibly spur a negative reaction. I stand behind this position with all that I am.
I am glad that you replied to my original post. If it weren't for our exchange, I may not have seen the entire picture of what I have really done, to her, as well as myself. I am closer now to the realizations of my intentions than I have ever been. I believe I was unfair to you out of selfishness and I extend to you my apologies for it.
Don't worry about the eye-poke, I have another one just like it. The slap about my skull is now received in the spirit in which it was intended. I guess now, it is my duty as a gentleman to figure out what it was inside of me that turned this gentle, caring, and loving man into something I could not recognize and would not acknowledge. I have my work cut out for me, fortunately I read constantly and I only do so for the sole purpose of learning. Time for another trip to the bookstore.
Thank you.

Good luck on your journey.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Just a few observations if I may. Emotions are hardly logical. And none of us lives in a vacuum. Partners are always faced with the reality of changing feelings, and circumstances, and generally it's a two way street when a relationship fails.

You would hardly be the first one to lose it, and act out of character when a break up occurs, and will hardly be the last. But its my hope when the emotional dust settles, and the shock wears off, you don't take all the blame and guilt because to be honest, it may sound noble, but its not the truth, nor is it close to the truth.

Not trying to justify anything, but you can only pay the consequences for your own actions, and do your best to correct them. I think you already see how guilt can lead to desperation, and that can lead to bad choices, and bad decisions.

But now that you know what depths you are capable of sinking to, you can forgive yourself, and do better. That's all any human can do. The worst thing that we can bring on ourselves is to be stuck in the worst time of our life, and not be able to learn, and grow beyond it.

Don't be so sensitive, when you take things personally to a point that you miss the reality, you risk falling to bad behavior, and forget your own boundaries of good orderly direction, and common sense. And when you act like a psycho, what are others to make of that? But I am sure your logical mind has already figured it out, so just forgive yourself, and do better.

End of soapbox, and Good luck.

Agreed
Thank you