I was with a girl for about 11 months, and things were amazing and horrible. I have never been as comfortable as I am with her, I know her in and out and vice versa. We are best friends and share the same train of thought, often finishing each others sentences. We had some issues in our relationship and she ended near the end of last November.

Unable to cope, I slipped into a depression for about 3 months, the first 2 of which we had minimal contact. Mostly me blithering on about how depressed I was and how I missed her and so on. We started spending time again together as just friends, but it was hard for me. I still have very strong feelings for her to this day.

A cycle started once we started spending time together again. We would be very cold and hostile with each other for a time, then make up, then start to get close again. This has happened more than a few times, and every time I make the same mistake of confusing this for her feelings returning for me, and come on really strong trying to get her back.

This results in her turning me down, me slipping into a short depression, then we are back to square one fighting and being cold. She tells me she loves me and I obviously love her back, but I suppose she isn't "in love with me". Honestly, its been so long, I can't even remember the exact reason we broke up, I'll probably ask her about it in the next few days.

Anyway, when things are good and we are spending lots of time together, we are very close. We cuddle and spoon and sit on each other and this and that. We even sleep together sometimes, literally, not intercourse. :P She will even get jealous if I talk to other girls (she was very jealous in our relationship as well, I didn't mind because I was only interested in her anyway) and has said that the only time she ever is truly scared is when we fight and she thinks she could lose me. She says I am the most important person in her life and all this other mushy stuff. The last time we were really close, I tried something drastic. She started to become interested in me, or at least I mistook it for that. She stayed a weekend, and Saturday night after watching movies and spooning, I turned out the lights and crawled into bed with her. She rolled over and snuggled right into that space on your shoulder below your chin with her arm across my chest and her hand tucked behind me as usual (keep in mind, she is adamant we are just friends). As my feelings are rushing back in and I feel like I have a shot (confidence I hadn't had in months) I whisper in her ear her name and she replies sleepily with a "hmm?". I turn her chin up and I start to kiss her. She immediately starts kissing me back. Our smooch lasts about a minute then she rolls over and goes to sleep.

The next day she goes home and I text her about it because she didn't say anything about it all day. She replies with "that wasn't a dream? O.o" She's not one to lie. In fact I could call her anything BUT a liar, but that kiss, she kissed back, I felt her heart racing and her breathing quicken after. I even asked if it was a mistake after and she shrugged. Then asked if she was okay and she said Yes? I don't know if I'm just crazy or she's confused or what, because we are really happy when we spend time together and we only fight when we're jealous of each other or I try to get us back together. It really seems like she's into me, but then when I ask about it she says she's like that and close with me and this and that because I am her best friend.

I've been so confused and we are in the part of our cycle where we're at each others throats because the kiss thing happened recently and I got very depressed after she rejected me. There are some times when I feel like there's hope, but it just hurts so much getting turned down when the person you love so much, doesn't want the same thing as you. I don't know what to do. Please help.

All I can say is "O.o"

You need to go no contact with her and not let her manipulate you,coming and going in your life whenever it suits her-using you as her puppy dog when she feels like cuddling someone.

No contact,none-no calls texts,meeting up-being'friends'-you need to heal from the breakup and that process will be quicker,smoother and more thorough if you have nothing more to do with this little player.

Really, what is the point in loving someone who doesn't love you back? I agree with Amicon... break this horrible cycle by going NC.

Remove yourself, and her from this situation, and stop this unhealthy cycle of confusion, depression, and you both acting like a couple, but not being one.

Its like drifting on the ocean in a life boat, you seem to be together, physically, but with all the other stuff like proper communications, and willingness to work together, that shows sharing, and caring. I really don't know why you allow yourself to be taken down this road of dependence, and fear of losing what you don't have in the first place.

I hope your room mate pays her share of the upkeep at least.

The other night when we were fighting about getting back together she sent me this : "Not sure what to tell you, but i can say this, a lot of the reason i haven't even thought about getting back together with you is because it feels like you keep trying to pressure me into it. I'm sick of hanging out with you and feeling like an *** if i push you off from cuddling or don't hold your hand. you non stop talk about it like you need to stop. i said right now I'm happy how things are and i was happy how we were getting along, i was starting to like you again but I'm not gunna just jump back into sh*t. i want time for myself, i need to sort my life out and if you can't respect that then were never gunna be together ever again. now, don't take that as in that's the only reason were not together 'cuz its not. but it doesn't help the fact any." It seems like she's not against it, its just not feasible at this time. I'm afraid if I go NC, that chance will disappear.

Then just back off, stop being needy, and give her some space.

Man... You've been reading some Mills and Boons novels 0-o... Yeah, what they said too :o)

Arguing about getting back together??

Who gets a girl that way?? Let go and get a real life, not a romance novel. My gosh man, you are acting out of fear and insecurity, not confidence and caring! I bet you tie your dog to a stake in the backyard too, instead of letting it enjoy roaming the house and property freely.

Your life needs balance besides her, to bring back your confidence, and common sense. You get and keep a female through her mind, not holding on so tightly you smother her.

Real men don't argue, or beg a female, we give them what they need to keep coming back for more, and love every minute.

I agree, so what should I do?

Disappear from her life, and regroup.

Thank you