Okay, so here's the story...

Me and this girl were together for 3 years. We are both currently 22 yrs old. It was both of our first loves. I was her first everything (love, sex etc)

She was nearly obsessed with me. Constantly giving me gifts, writing letters, txting me 5x a day, saying I love you and begging for attention. We were a VERY close couple, kind of best friends and saw each other all the time.

6 months into the relationship I moved back to school 200 miles away and we did long distance for the rest of the relationship.

Now... 2 months ago it was my xmas break. Our relationship wasn't perfect, her constant nagging for attention was never satisfied and I am very busy with school etc. (she graduated and works at a candy store, her degree isn't very good for jobs). Over xmas she started really getting upset AND she was getting closer and closer to this guy-friend of hers (who has a girlfriend too btw).

On New Years eve she ditched me and went to a party with that guy because I told her I would be late for our date... so she just canceled...

On New Years eve she ended up getting drunk and making out with her "friend"... she told me that it was just a peck on the cheek so I didn't think too much of it but was still quite upset...

Next day, when I return to school she calls me and says she wants to break up because there's too much arguing and problems... I beg and plead and tell her I will give her more attention... she calls a couple hours later and takes me back...

Over the next two weeks she dumped me 4 times... each time I try to explain to her she is making a mistake... finally, 2 weeks after New Years she says that it is over and by that time I accept it... I emailed her a final letter that night too for closure...

I find out from mutual friend that she wanted to pursue that guy who has a girlfriend from New years... but apparently the guy ignores her and tells her he loves his girlfriend and is sorry...

That was happening while she was dumping and taking me back...

A couple weeks after we break up... we maintain low contact... she tells me she loves me and msises me but doesn't want to come back because of that... she says its not fair for me to come back just because she is lonely and settling for me... she says I deserve someone who loves me because I am a great guy... ***?? This from the girl who was obsesed with me...

Now, since we broke up she had been getting closer to that guy's best friend, call him John... basically they are friends because John is her connection to that guy from New Years... John had a girlfriend too...

HERE COMES THE TWIST... John dumps his girlfriend and ends up sleeping with my ex-gf...

Two months into the break she is already ****ing John... the ugly best friend of that other guy who ignored her...

She tells me (b/c we were in low contact) that he is nice and she didn't expect to "have feelings" for him too but he takes care of her and is always coming around effortlessly...

I tell her at this point I no longer want to have any contact with her and that I may never see her again... she says she is sad and says she wants me to be OK and cares about me but also accepts that I want nothing to do with her... (after three years of calling my 5x a day she doesn't care that I may be gone forever ***)

Now just a few facts at this point :
1) She told me she wants to break up because she wants to be single and learn to love herself and be independent (bull****)

2) she said "im keeping my guard up with John b/c I dont want to be messed with or used anymore"... (took the guy one week to **** her once he dumped his gf)

3) "I don't like drinking alcohol, I'm not that type of girl...and you know me, I won't sleep with someone unless we are in a close, loving relationship"

4) I warned her that these guys are only her friends to **** her and I warned her that her breaking up with me is not going to improve her love for herself... (I was the one always motivating her in school and hobbies.. in reality she is very emtpy and lazy...

HERE COMES THE SECOND TWIST

So now, two months after breaking up, she is ****ing that dudes best-friend (who I assume had this plan from the beginning but she probably thinks its spontaneous).

And now I hear from a mutual friend - HE IS SUCCESSFULLY CONVINCING HER TO HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP HAHAHAHA

Within two weeks of ****ing her she is going to basically have this guy as a **** buddy and start ****ing other dudes too... also my friend tells me she has started drinking during the week with this guy and smoking a bit of weed...

This guy has turned my ex into a slutty girl within two months... what happened to all her **** about love and respect?? She was virgin who wanted to marry me and was in a committed loving relationship for three years...

Within in exactly three months she has gone from telling me I am the love of her life and I am so perfect for her, that we should have a future together and that I am the only one... to having multiple sexual partners and drinking...

I KNEW this was going to happen... I always detected a naivety and a lack of self-esteem... she is boosting her ego by ****ing these loser dudes who live with their parents and smoke weed all day??

How can she throw me away? How can she be like this? HOW CAN SHE BE SO HYPOCRITICAL?? Will she realize she is making a mistake? Will she feel any guilt for this behavior? Our love was very deep (so I thought) and the sex was very intimate... she just wants to be banged by strangers now??

People change, some for the better, some for the worse. Either way, she's not the same girl as when you first started a relationship.

She's in the past. She's moved on, now it's time to move on with your life.

Analyzing her actions is very frustrating, so it's better not to think about her all together. I suggest you go 100% no contact, instead of low contact. Check out the no contact related threads in my signature.

You want a answer that you are not going to get and feel lost or hurt somewhat perhaps. You moved and both of you changed, She needed a "at home" boyfriend and you were not there, You should be surprised it even last that long

So you learn, and move on. And stop worrying and stop keeping track of what she is doing

What she does and why she does it is no longer your concern, because what you had is over with, and done. Sure it hurts and its always so hard to understand that feelings change, and people change, and you have no control over people, or their feelings or actions.

Only your own, and your actions need to be about leaving her alone, and doing your own thing without her.

Like you said, she is needy, insecure, and low self esteem, as well as naïve. But those are her issues to deal with, in her own way, in her own time, right or wrong.

Leave it alone, and take care of yourself.

Rather than spending hours and days trying to figure out the answers to questions that will never get answers,start moving forward with your own life.

Leave her to it,she's not your responsibility.

Thanks for your guys' thoughts. This is a great place to discuss these things, everyone here seems to be really experienced with these situations and you're all in agreement: forget about her.

I'm going to just have to do this by force lol. I am the type of person that does not get attached easily and also does not detach easily. I'm going to have to force myself to let this go because it is clear to me now I'm not going to do this very willingly...

It seems that some people are easy in and easy out. She warmed up to me and became obsessed with me very early on and now withdraws even faster. People are just different. It's true, she isn't the girl I thought she was.. maybe I was wrong about her or maybe she has changed, probably a bit of both. Without a doubt, however, she is not the one for me after all.

She's not a prize to be won... she's a person, and a very confused one. Im just going to have to force myself to focus on school again and focus on my life again, I was really good about that during the relationship, hopefully it won't be too difficult to do it without the relationship too...

I just truly cared about this person. Her lack of concern for me now hurts because I feel emotionally invested in her and I feel like her opinion of me matters because we were so close to each other. It is very hurtful to undergo these changes unwillingly... it is also very shocking/unexpected that I am being forced to.

It is difficult to not wonder... HOW can I be feeling like this and she so is feeling so differently... I was far more independent and have plenty more going on my life in the way of friends, school and hobbies... still our bond seems to hold me even after all of this damage... Conversely, she has so little going on and was so obsessed but can throw it all away so easily...

Curiosity has, and continues to get the better of me... has it just not hit her that any future we had is gone? She was waaayyyy more invested than I... and while she did a good job of warning me she has also given little indicators of leading me on like "Who knows about the future"

Has she truly accepted the ramifications of her choices? The curiosity kills me... can she really be that shallow from the beginning? I guess this question has no real answer other than to say we are just different and it doesn't matter anymore...

Yeah, that will suffice I suppose. I suppose it will just have to do.

Thanks again.

After you have healed, and built a life you enjoy, AGAIN, you will see this as a blessing in disguise.

Stick with No Contact whatsoever, and Good luck!

It doesn't matter will do very well.

Time to channel your energy into building a new life for yourself.

Dude, she ****ing texted me just now.

How can she have the gull to text me "HI :)" when she's ****ing some other dude i told her i don't want her to contact me now i have to not answer her when i truly love her in some ways that is horrible

Ignore her. That sends the correct message.

100% no contact is so that you can heal from your pains. Once you've healed completely you will approach your break up much more objectively.

It's not going to be easy to ignore her if she continues to contact you, but it takes time. Check out the no contact related threads in my signature.

As for what you do with this text. Just delete it. No good can come of it.

No contact-delete her message and block her number if you have to.

Block her e-mail,FB etc.

Keep ignoring her-forever.

Do you know how to block numbers from your phone?
Do that.

But do not answer for any reason.

That puts you back at the start .
Don't lose what progress you've made.

What if I'm dumb enough to still want her back lol... I ignored her and she hasn't said anything since the "Hi :)" text...

I mean, I think I did the right thing because she has some loser b/f but its just that I still kind of love her..

Those feelings will pass,trust me.

The one thing you need to understand is that she does have a boyfriend now, loser that he maybe, and while you kind of still have feelings for her, her feelings have changed and you have been demoted to the dreaded friend zone. You have become an option to her, when she is bored or curious, and if you allow her to, she keeps you in her life without any commitment whatsoever, for when she needs the attention to not only feed her ego, but her self esteem as well.

So while your own feelings want her attention, any way you can get it, she still has a boyfriend, and you will never heal and have your own thing to do without her because of the false hope she will change her mind.

Stay No Contact no matter what, and let those feelings pass.

Read over all of your first question and remind yourself why your doing this

So I ignored that single text and she sent nothing else... its all so weird...

Anyway looks like she's happy with her new boyfriend, otherwise she'd have definitely made some more effort in my direction by this point... did she honestly expect me to just answer hey what's up like were ****ing buddies?

In some ways this girl is freaking crazy...

So I ignored that single text and she sent nothing else....its all so weird....

Anyway looks like she's happy with her new bf, otherwise she'd have definitely made some more effort in my direction by this point...did she honestly expect me to just answer hey whats up like were ****ing buddies?

In some ways this girl is freaking crazy...

Well done for staying strong... now move on

Yup,well done,onwards and upwards.
Stay strong.

Oh I didn't see the responses, thanks for your guys' feed back.

@ adviceishere
Yes, I re-read my first question haha. I do understand I am wasting plenty of energy on her and I don't know why, I'm still attached... it's been a challenge to break this habit..

What is weird... it seems Im spending more energy on the relationship after it ended than during it!? Wish I could go back to when this was not the primary concern of my life - like it was hers. (seems like for some relationships are all that matter in general)

@talaniman

Thank you, it appears then I made the correct choice to ignore her. It is about her ego, the whole damn thing. It just sucks to know that she is really that shallow, it makes me feel like I wasted so much energy on someone who is no longer worth it... that's horrible... It's like if I keep fighting it then maybe it's not true and then my energy was not wasted after all, but I guess that's actually impossible... thats denial...

Perhaps I can just rely on that... I have made the correct choice in this matter, it requires no more thinking then, let the chips fall where they may for me but I will continue on this path. I don't know why I keep needing to refresh this every damn day... would be nice to be on auto-pilot in life again...

So I ignored that single text and she sent nothing else....its all so weird....

Anyway looks like she's happy with her new bf, otherwise she'd have definitely made some more effort in my direction by this point...did she honestly expect me to just answer hey whats up like were ****ing buddies?

In some ways this girl is freaking crazy...

She was just checking, curious probably. False hope has you seeing ghosts, but NC will cure that. Kudos for making the correct choice and choosing with staying with NC!!

She was just checking, curious probably. False hope has you seeing ghosts, but NC will cure that. Kudos for making the correct choice and choosing with staying with NC!!!

Yep and he didn't even see our responses so it was all done on his own LOL

camrond I had the same situation as you about a year ago this time. Very loving, close relationship, worked at the same place, lived together, were at eachothers side day and night. Then, like you, one day it all started going downhill and I got the whole "need to be myself blah blah blah" speech that really just meant I need to go out and do drugs and be a party girl. It hurt like hell, and she kept trying to keep me in the friend zone with random text messages now and then. I responded to them at first, but thanks to this sight, tal and lots of others, I learned the way of no contact, and it works.
each time I responded to her texts it was nothing more than a quick "hi, what are you doing" sort of thing even though I used to hope it would be more. So I got proactiv about changing my lifestyle up, got a new job, moved to a town about 20 minutes away, and in a few months it started going away slowly but surely. In the year and 2 months or so since we have been broken up I have done and tried so many new things, made great new friends, dated some really great girls (nothing long term tho) and had a great time and realized what I was missing out on by being stuck in that relationship rut. Bottom line, listen to these guys... no contact, and get out there with your friends. You will be laughing at this girl and her foolishness in weeks time.

Hello all,

Really could use another round of thoughts again, I know it may seem redundant but that's how these things are right? :-\

So I moved out of the old house with the room-mates today and into a studio apartment near campus to finish up my thesis.

While I was moving out I found 5 different cards from her that were stuck under a bunch of old papers. I never actually read them closely before because it was my policy that she was too damn touchy-feely for me during the relationship.

I read them today while I was moving, like a fool I couldn't resist...

I don't understand how she moved on so quickly... the stuff in these letters is ridiculously sentimental. She was borderline infatuated with me even after a year into the relationship. Now I remember clearly why I would get annoyed - she was kind of obsessed with the fairy tale love story of "us". Also, some of the papers have like notes from her written on them when she would come to visit which I never read but there was at least 10 love notes.

When I think about it it really boggles my mind. She is really that shallow? I wasn't NEARLY that sentimental and it has been about two months since we separated and I think of her everyday and miss her.

I ignored her text because of how this all turned out I will need to cut her out of my life to move on but she seems to barely care that I want to cut her out of my life.

It is truly surprising how consistently she has moved forward with eliminating a romantic connection of any kind between us all within the span of days she chose this.

I mean literally - Dec 27th she writes how she has never thought of a moment without me in her future and she hopes that one day I want to marry her and she knows I adore her... to January 1st - I want something new and we argue too much and I am not in love with you anymore... to early March - I'm ****ing another one of my "friends"!

It is really unbelievable... she wonders why we had issues with her pressuring me and now she has a ****-buddy with no strings and wonders why it is so much easier?

I think though that this whole thing was for really for her ego... she wanted to dump me for her ego honestly... I remember when she first told me she doesn't want to be my girlfriend I got tear-eyed and I actually CAUGHT HER SMILING and trying to hide it!

I think she is just the type of person who wants to jump to these honey-moon type scenarios... when I got boring she made our petty arguments the reason to leave... and when I chased after her she liked it... now she has a new boyfriend already and I can imagine she will be bored again... even sooner now because the guy is not half the man I am in brain or braun and especially in terms of his closeness with her... I think she just likes that he left his girlfriend for her and that she knows I wanted her when they hooked up... honestly she will just waste her time with him, I know this to be true.

I honestly think all of this is for her ego... it has so little to do with what is right and what will turn out best for anyone...

Well anyway... glad I moved out and got rid of all that old stuff, new place and new things in my future... but it still gives me a headache every so often... not so much of a heartache anymore at least...

LOL, we fall in so fast, and its so great, but that changes when we break, and things ain't so much fun at all

Coping with your own feelings is darn hard isn't it?? Join the club.

Yes, coping is difficult indeed.

It's interesting though, I wouldn't say I fall in love in fast. In fact I think I'm the type who takes time to warm-up and it seems I'm the type who takes time to let it cool down too.

I guess some people are just easy in & easy out. Wish it were so simple for me... seems fun...

I'd just like to vent on here, I'm very very angry right now. Which is upsetting because I should be indifferent by now but I'm not. Mostly, I'm moved on and doing much better everyday about all of this.

Today, however, after talking to mutual friend I've become extremely angry at my ex. She is still dating this loser dude for the past month and seems to be happy. For some reason this makes me extremely angry lol.

She texted me a week ago again... I had ignored her text a week prior to that... this time I answered, she just said "just wanted to say hi and see how you, hope things are well"...

So I answered this one and just said yeah things are good and said like "yeah im ok just working and studying, nothing too exciting"... LIKE THAT ****ING HELPS... anyway I said "thats great, nice talking, have a good one" and she said "oh ok you too :)"...

For some reason now that I Know she is still dating this ****ing loser dude and is going forward with it I am really angry and more angry now about how she contacted me and I answered...

It just brings it all back... one minute she was madly in love with me, obsessed in fact, and now she's just ****ing this random dude with no second thought... IT ****ING ENRAGES ME SO MUCH... I want to break something very badly thinking about how unbelievably flakey she is... HOW CAN SHE BE THAT ****ING FLAKEY...

All I can conclude is that she is an immature ***** who never took our relationship seriously from the beginning, she just thought she did but in fact it was just a fairy tale honeymoon thing that she dropped the second it got old...

That's what angers me... I just feel so ****ing used... she broke into my heart, settled there and then just POOF, decided "meh..I'm bored, oh how about this loser? or no, how about this one? yeah, I'll stick with him for a bit, forget the relationship I had, its not worth dirt"

I was dropped like a USED ****ING TOWELL...

A USED ****ING TOWELL...

You know what is good is now I know for a FACT I will NEVER EVER EVER let her back into my life again...

The most she will get out of me ever again is my anger towards her, if that...

One minute its trust, love, commitment, and the next its wanting 'something new' and 'i don't love you like that anymore' and 'how do I know if you are what I want if you're my first love' and bam, 8 weeks after a 3 year relationship she's ****ing her friend... AFTER she tried to **** her OTHER friend and failed...

A USED ****ING TOWELL that's what I was, and like a sap I cried to have her dumb *** back... GOD DAMNIT AHHHHH

That's right, let it all out lol dude go for a run or a walk or something, seriously! You're your extremely bitter, almost to the point of no return! Start doing something productive with your life and change your phone number!

Then channel that anger into something constructive-go for a run,swim-something physical to get it out of your system.

And next time you get a text from miss manipulation,ignore and delete.

And stop blaming yourself for being human and showing your feelings.

Guess what?

I'm betting most of us here have done just that as well!

Nice rant!! Or was that just a vent? Naw sounded like a rant, not enough bad words for a true vent!!

Haha, thanks. Yeah I feel better now. Yeah, its true perhaps its my attitude of the anger. It is OK to be jealous. Just saying that makes it much easier...

Maybe that's the problem... people don't want to accept or admit they are jealous or hurt. Well damnit I am. I am very jealous and hurt too. And that's OK.

Anyway, I'll go back to ignoring her. Perhaps by answering her this time she will see there is nothing to discuss, no drama and maybe she'll get the hint that there's no point in texting me. Obviously ignoring her the first time didn't get that done. However if she texts me anymore I'll have to do it that way.

Generally I have moved forward quite well. I've started my masters thesis eariler than I had planned and I'm getting in better shape than I've been in a long time - doing rock climbing with some of my buddies... its SUPER INTENSE.

Also I just moved into a new apartment last week. Overall it has been on my mind MUCH LESS but her contacting me really isn't good and also talking to mutual friends is bad too.

Guess I just have to cut those both out to finish the job heh. These things take a shot to your confidence for sure, plus I've got no girl to rebound with for some loving... no one I like anyway... although I guess that would make it not a rebound so yeah... nothing... I went out a couple dates and kissed a girl but just I don't know...

I don't think I'm in the right place to go further, I don't really like this girl honestly... it would be a rebound and it would just be like a waste... what I want is the closeness and trust I had... I think until I've truly closed the book on that in every single way I won't have the energy to even start something new... which is partially why it boggles my mind she jumped into things so quickly... she was begging to see me not a week before the break-up and saying all kinds of mushy stuff like normal... nothing was wrong but I guess somehow she is much further along the process... its probably because her confidence isn't shot like mine perhaps too...

In any case I'm trying to just take things slow, overall its been going well.

Leave her to her process and work on your own.

And,no you're not ready for a new relationship yet-heal first,as in heal 100%.

Don't fall into the rebound trap,they can turn really ugly-unresolved baggage etc-and are so n o t fair on the rebound!!

I must share this small moment of emotional triumph!

Ex officially off the pedestal. This article perfectly captures my experience. I don't know how I can forget these things but my confidence was just shot by being rejected.

Here is truth hahaha... so perfect...

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-13-signs-she-is-a-loser/

Oh by the way, I got into a prestigious summer research internship... BOOYA BABY... doctorate coming my way... I had a real good day...

Serious I can think of at least 3 huge experiences for each # on that list... forsaken pedestal... thats the human condition...