tuan3
Mar 21, 2011, 02:53 AM
I need some advice on this. It's a bit of a long story, so please bear with me...
Well I'm 21 and I've had an online relationship for almost 6 months. It was really good. We get along so great and are very attracted to each other. We care for each other very much and it was mostly good.. but she had some insecurities. She always thought she wasn't good enough for me, that I was unsatisfied, that she was 'unlovable,' and that I deserved better. I wasn't aware of how deeply ingrained this was in her head, and I happened to flirt a bit which her feel worse... she always had a bunch of stressful things in her life. I always tried to help her with her issues which made her feel like some kind of project or experiment instead of a girlfriend.
The last couple of weeks we've had minimal contact because of circumstances in her home life, and we spoke a few days ago. I was insecure and paranoid, and she was mentally tired, and her insecurities had been eating away at her so our unpleasant conversation led to her deciding to break up with me. She said that I never loved her, that she was just a project for me to work on when I got bored of my female contacts, that she was never good enough because I always wanted to change her, and that I deserve someone better, who will actually make me happy. The fact that she won't be able to come on-line regularly also factored into her decision.
Well, we spoke yesterday and cleared a lot of things up. I told her that I had never avoided her to speak with other females as she had always thought, that I didn't want to change her, that she was always a priority, that I didn't view her as an experiment but I just wanted her to be happy and that up until our contact had become infrequent a few weeks ago, we were both happy and satisfied. I wouldn't flirt with anybody. I think she accepted this and then we continued to talk, by IM, the way we had always done before. It was completely natural and felt really great. We are both always emphasising how we want the other to be happy. The thing is, she said that I need to move on from her, that this is the way it has to be, and that she will steer clear of dating for a while. I said I was okay with that, but secretly I want her back. I think the break-up was all just a big misunderstanding that fueled a misinformed decision in the heat of the moment. We have so much to offer each other. She wants to keep talking, but she said she isn't going to ask me to change (not flirt anymore) or have me wait hours for her to get on-line if we were to get back together. I said that those two conditions would be completely fine, but she wasn't hearing it. She said this was for the best. I jokingly asked if it would be cool if I still masturbated to the thought of her and tell her about it and she said that it was okay, as long as I don't stay attached. I think that's impossible. She said she won't do it because she thinks that will make her want to be with me.
Should I continue talking to her with hope in my heart? It won't be regular contact, and there would be little skype, but I think a second try would work. I'm hoping to show her slowly over time that she really does make me happy and that we are good together. Is this a good idea? I have a feeling that I could become very disappointed or get my feelings very hurt... what should I do?
Well I'm 21 and I've had an online relationship for almost 6 months. It was really good. We get along so great and are very attracted to each other. We care for each other very much and it was mostly good.. but she had some insecurities. She always thought she wasn't good enough for me, that I was unsatisfied, that she was 'unlovable,' and that I deserved better. I wasn't aware of how deeply ingrained this was in her head, and I happened to flirt a bit which her feel worse... she always had a bunch of stressful things in her life. I always tried to help her with her issues which made her feel like some kind of project or experiment instead of a girlfriend.
The last couple of weeks we've had minimal contact because of circumstances in her home life, and we spoke a few days ago. I was insecure and paranoid, and she was mentally tired, and her insecurities had been eating away at her so our unpleasant conversation led to her deciding to break up with me. She said that I never loved her, that she was just a project for me to work on when I got bored of my female contacts, that she was never good enough because I always wanted to change her, and that I deserve someone better, who will actually make me happy. The fact that she won't be able to come on-line regularly also factored into her decision.
Well, we spoke yesterday and cleared a lot of things up. I told her that I had never avoided her to speak with other females as she had always thought, that I didn't want to change her, that she was always a priority, that I didn't view her as an experiment but I just wanted her to be happy and that up until our contact had become infrequent a few weeks ago, we were both happy and satisfied. I wouldn't flirt with anybody. I think she accepted this and then we continued to talk, by IM, the way we had always done before. It was completely natural and felt really great. We are both always emphasising how we want the other to be happy. The thing is, she said that I need to move on from her, that this is the way it has to be, and that she will steer clear of dating for a while. I said I was okay with that, but secretly I want her back. I think the break-up was all just a big misunderstanding that fueled a misinformed decision in the heat of the moment. We have so much to offer each other. She wants to keep talking, but she said she isn't going to ask me to change (not flirt anymore) or have me wait hours for her to get on-line if we were to get back together. I said that those two conditions would be completely fine, but she wasn't hearing it. She said this was for the best. I jokingly asked if it would be cool if I still masturbated to the thought of her and tell her about it and she said that it was okay, as long as I don't stay attached. I think that's impossible. She said she won't do it because she thinks that will make her want to be with me.
Should I continue talking to her with hope in my heart? It won't be regular contact, and there would be little skype, but I think a second try would work. I'm hoping to show her slowly over time that she really does make me happy and that we are good together. Is this a good idea? I have a feeling that I could become very disappointed or get my feelings very hurt... what should I do?