I have been dating someone for 10 months. He's almost 30, and I'm 25. Things had progressed very quickly from the start - after a month of dating he had already told me he loved me. I was cautious to try and keep things from getting "too serious" initially, but after a while I gave in, and the relationship seemed great. Of course over the last month reality has hit. We both became very involved in individual projects and work. While we still spent time together, he felt I was acting "distant." After the stress and arguments, we decided to cool down. We were still talking every day, and I was intimate with him twice during the two week "break." I thought everyone was content with the status quo.

Now I find out - not from him but from an accidental voicemail - that he has slept with his best friend's ex. Worse yet, sometime in the past few days. Not only was I livid to find out this way (though that pocket dial at least exposed me to the truth), the idea that he could do that to a supposed friend made me sick.

Am I wrong to feel betrayed? I just can't comprehend why he wouldn't be honest with me. If he'd told me he wanted to see other people, I'd have been hurt, but understood. Now I just feel lost, and can't stop worrying that maybe this wasn't the first time it happened... I don't even want to talk to him, I just want to give him all his crap back.

Too much too soon,crash and burn!

If a guy tells me after a month that they love me,I see that as a red flag.

It takes a lot longer than a month to get to know and love a person.

I think this man's a player-judge him by his actions,not his declarations of love.

Words are cheap,actions speak for themselves.

Too much too soon,crash and burn!

If a guy tells me after a month that they love me,I see that as a red flag.

It takes a lot longer than a month to get to know and love a person.

I think this man's a player-judge him by his actions,not his declarations of love.

Words are cheap,actions speak for themselves.

Had to spread the rep! Yes I agree, he betrayed his own best friend he won't do much better to you...

Not only did you move to fast, but are in to deep, and you are broken up. Just because you are still intimate, its hardly a commitment is it? Obviously he doesn't think so, so why are you upset?

Best to back up, way back, and stop assuming, or giving in to HIS program.

You feel betrayed because you assumed his feelings were the same as yours even though you are broken up.

I think there were signs.

Sometimes when one partner or the other is having an affair, or has something to hide, making the other partner feel responsible is part of the justification for the behaviour.

For example, the arguments, finding fault, not being honest or committed, are all eventual excuses making it YOUR fault that he had the affair in the first place.

His guilty conscience has already been talking. If you were to confront him about what you know to be true, he will do one of two things. He'll either take full responsibility for the affair, not blaming you or anyone else for what he's done, and start jumping through firehoops, begging your forgiveness. Or, he will justify his actions as being caused by somebody, or something else.

I would personally confront him to see which it is, and go from there. Either way, it is a new relationship, and this does not bode well for a future together.