My Second Chance Letter

Hi I have been working on this letter for quite some time and would like to know people's honest opinion on it. I haven't given my ex this letter yet but I really want to after a period of no contact. Please comment on it, good or bad. Kind of long but please give it a chance and let me know what you think I should leave out. The intention of this letter is to get my ex to intiate contact with me again, that's all. Yes there are those who believe moving on is for the best but when you hurt someone you love, you fight for them. If love isn't worth fighting for than what is anyway...

Feel free to use any part of this letter if you think it will help.


Hi (Her Name). I wanted to say thanks again for all the time you gave me to think things over. I have a whole new perspective on things and have to say, I totally agree with your decision. Time apart was really what we needed. It was the right choice to make. I think moving on may be best for now and if we are meant to be, we will. Well I know all the bad feelings you must have towards me. I accept that. But you've helped me to grow so much and for that I am truly grteful. Thanks to you, I spend a lot more time improving myself. I can't thank you enough. Finally everything makes sense. I was so fixated on talking things over with you before, so emotionally attached, I couldn't see how much space we needed apart and how needy I was becoming. It was hard to give you what you wanted before. I guess I was taken back by how fast we were drifting apart. Not the end of the world lol but I just didn't want to lose what we had. So despite how bad I took things, I hope you understand. After all we did invest a lot in each other. I never wanted us to become strangers but I understand. I was so overwhelmed with my own feelings before, I never considered yours. I never acted so clingy before. Lol I guess Im no good at goodbyes. Well I've finally got my emotions under control. So don't worry about me sending gifts, letters and emails. They were not an attempt to win you back but to show you I still care. Maybe I'm a fool for it but I hope you appreciated it. I will leave you alone. I know it's what you want. Plus I realise have been going about this entire break up the wrong way. It was wrong to get your family and friends involved and not give you the space you needed. I understand you would not want a relationship like that. Instead of respecting your decision, I panicked. Im sorry but I just didn't want to lose my best friend.

I think its obvious things ended badly between us. I know the way I acted, showed I was only considering my own feelings, confirmed your decision and made you come to dislike me. I know you weren't happy for a while; I take full responsibility for that. I could have done better by you and would have if I had the chance again. I know how much you cared. I was only trying to make up for my wrong and make you happy again. I never realised space was all you really needed. Now I just want you to know I support your decision to move on 100%, even if it hurts. It's okay with me. I didn't want it before but I owe it to you to let go. It was wrong to pressure you into talking things out. I realise your decision was premeditated for some time and I know confessing my mistakes and acting so depressed would have only confirmed things. I understand why you have cut all lines of communication between us and I want you to know you made the right choice. I also want you to know as unbelievable as it seems, I only wanted back the friendship part of the relationship we once had. No more, no less. But I understand you would think I want more. I totally respect that. I know if you don't respect me or if you are still hurt then you may need more time. So I will give us what we need. But on the bright side, a lot of great things came out of our breakup. I've been able to put on weight, see all my short comings and Ive started becoming more proactive, mature and a lot more insightful. I'd love to fill you in, when the time is right… I feel like you've helped open up a whole new world for me. I can't thank you enough. Im taking things slow though, I think that would be best. Your mom was nice enough to give me that piece of advice too. You've helped me to let go. You're a true friend. You made me so much stronger and wiser. Not that it matters now, but I won't be getting emotionally attached to anyone, there's still some unresolved feelings I need to deal with by myself. Otherwise, I think it would do me more harm than good. But I can see myself ready for a serious relationship one day, I just need to spend some more time working on myself.

I have a new perspective on what women need and how to make relationships last. I know there may be some unresolved feelings between us whether you want to talk about them or not. I just want you to know there are no hard feelings from my end. I understand completely why you chose to move this way. I realise you do not care about me the way you used to and its okay with me. I know not everything lasts but in the end, I saw the beauty in us and the positive impact it had on my life. You've changed the way I view relationships and myself. I believe God put you in my life to help me grow into a better man and as much as I want a relationship that lasts, I still need to work on myself before I can have that. I know we're still young, it would be wrong of me if I kept us from experiencing life apart. I am glad I met you and this time Im ready to give you a proper apology. I was unfaithful, I lied for months, I left you alone, embarrassed you, made you feel guilty, betrayed your trust and took your love for granted. I made a lot of post break up mistakes, smoked in front you and disregarded your feelings on it. I know you were only looking out for my health. I've been repetitive and overly defensive. Always justifying my actions without accepting my wrong. Most of all, I did not take the time to appreciate all the things you did for me like I used to. I know all this time you only wanted me to treat you right. For all that and for hurting you, I am truly sorry. Mistakes I promise myself, I will never make again. It's only normal you would think I don't appreciate all you did. I've thought of a million ways to show you otherwise. Maybe someday you'll see. I didn't want to bring up my wrongs again but I realise an apology should be specific and sincere. I know how you must have felt and you have every right to move on. I know I was not the best boyfriend but I will be better. So I just want you to know I take full responsibility for the break up and for not appreciating you like I used to. It's not that I didn't. I always did. I just realise I should have shown you more. I forgot how much a woman needs to feel appreciated. You were always special to me. You were second to none. I know your friends would always remind you of my wrongs, I just hope when you heal, you learn to forgive me and see the good in me again. I understand things a lot better now and I realise sometimes two people have to go their own way sometimes despite the love in their hearts. You will always have the biggest part of me. Loving you has been one of the best times of my life. Thanks again. You helped me to completely get over the breakup and move on with my life. Things are going great for me these days. Just when I was at my lowest, things finally started to look up for me. It gave me hope again. I hope things are great with you too. I finally accept the way things ended surprisingly. Maybe sometime in the future after we had some more time apart we can have a casual conversation and I can tell you about all the great things that have been happening for me. It would be nice to hear from you again. Maybe at some point we can be friends. But no pressure when you think you're ready.

(me)

Without knowing the circumstances that led to the breakup it is tough to assess much on a specific basis .
But in very loose terms, there does seem to be a pattern that is evident in a large number of breakups.
Going off that...

What I gathered from the letter is you have pretty much confessed to most of the sins committed on the planet while you two were together.

You have admitted that she was constantly right , you were always wrong but didn't realize it until now and thank God she showed you all that was , is, and will be wrong with you.

I isn't buying it.

To be cold and blunt, you're describing an epiphany she induced that made you all she ever wanted, but it boils down to eloquent tacit begging.
Your english skills are very good but I am going on a limb... not good enough to get her to take you back so you can both keep the wounds open.

It is time to separate and begin to heal. It is hard and painful to finally know it is the end and there is no hope.
But that is what it takes to begin to heal.

Don't send the letter. Don't call, or text, or communicate in any way.

I am sorry that anyone has to feel the pain the breakups cause , love isn't switched on and off.
It takes staying away to get the pain to begin to stop.
And staying away from someone you still love is a monumental task.

Almost everyone can give you the name , without really thinking, of the person who tore their heart out.

Write anything you want, then throw it away and perhaps writing it makes you feel better

Please don't send this... marenizing2 is right, you are not JUST the one that was wrong!!
It hurts, I know, I still know... I am 3 months into my impending divorce and I have not been able to talk to her either. It is so tough but at the same time I want either some type of answer and that is, is there any chance of us or is it over. I feel I will only know that by looking at that person and hearing their words come out of their mouth.
I too have written quite a few different letters, non of them hit the mark on what I need though.
I think you are looking for the same thing I am. Remember that actions speak louder than words, and that goes both ways. I too Love my Wife with all my heart, and I hang on to that thread of hope,, but you and I need to let it be,, wait and see,, but plan for you and if she comes a calling, then you can decide. OK ?

I really appreciate you all taking the time to read through my letter, for stating the harsh reality of my situation and for all your empathy. I realise myself that the letter does imply that I'm tactically trying to win my ex back and suggests I alone am to blame, which is true, however, I do believe any situation is far from hopeless. The future is a mystery so I won't say all hope is lost. Yes I know the pain will still be there and I do plan to move on eventually but at the same time, I truly care for this person and still believe that when the time is right, we can start over, maybe as just friends. Maybe I am at fault for not letting things be, but if things do not work out at least I have the satisfaction of knowing, I tried. I believe time will inevitably subdue the pain but no situation is hopeless from my point of view. Maybe we choose to believe so because we ourselves do not know the right ways to go about it and judge from previous failed attempts at it.

My true intention is only to get her to initiate contact with me. I have sought out the advice of Thomas trueman and TW Jackson and I believe that a second chance letter may help with this, which is reason for my initial question. I in no regard, expect this letter to win her back but I am seeking a way to invoke feelings of curiosity or at least one that will get her to makre-open the lines of communication. If I can at least break the resistance she has up against me, I believe that we will be able to put the bad felings behind us and hopefully create a brand new friendship that may lead to rekindling a future relationship. I am trying to figure out the best way to make her consider re-opening lines of communication between us, which in no way presents the image that Im unable to let go, move on and still want her. In other words, Im trying to show her Im okay with her decision to earn the benefit of establishing a new friendship. In a nut shell, I agree and I will not send the letter but I will still send one after my period of no contact, as my last try. After that I will let go and move on completely.

How long do you consider no contact to last?
I think 7 years is a short period for no contact , 15 years is very good, no contact ever again is optimal.

As hard as it is to realize, you can love someone but never be able to live with them, or even be around them much.

You would be much better off moving on.

Now.

CorieMike,
Interesting we are in the same boat CM. I too love my Wife with all my heart, and I want us to be back together again or someday down the road. I totally understand why you write like you do, but at the same time I really don't think you can be the only one to blame for EVERYTHING.
I wanted to take all the blame,, and I did not even know why CM,, I just wanted us again and to have a chance to show her I still Loved her with all my heart.
Believe me CM,, I will bet I am going through much more than you are, and that is not to take anything away from how you are doing or feeling.
Heck, I can't even send her a letter or email or I will be in jail again,, Imagine saying you Love someone and you end up in jail,, and of course comes many thousands of dollars fighting it..
So believe me, I know. You may ask, how could you Love someone that did that to you,, I think you know the answer... Love comes in different packages for different people, my Love for her is undying.
I hope I have helped you in some way brother.
Peace and God Bless you.

@ martinizing2 1st off I have to say that was funny lol Oh and my no contact period is for two months since I last made contact, which should end next month. April the 9th. I intend on sending the letter via mail and giving up trying to talk with her by then. I do agree with you. I can see why it would be better to move on. I know its not healthy holding on to the past but you can't tell your heart who to love and as much as my mind says not to, by doing this it would be easier for me to let her go. Maybe somewhere down the road she will see the love that I had for her was worth taking a seconod chance but I don't expect anything from the letter. I do see the good intentions behind your advice martinizing2 and I truly appreciate it.

@ Dukejett1 I can't argue with you on that. Your situation does seem very sad and heart wrenching. I totally get where you're coming from and can relate to the way you feel. It's really comforting to know there are people going through the same situation as me and can still be optomistic. You're words has helped me as well. Thanks. God bless

Please guy, burn the letter, and do the healing moving on part which in all honesty, will do more good as you obviously need more than a few months to get yourself completely unattached, and under control.

Even you have to see that this is a pretty lame way of getting her to contact you, and I doubt she will. Since you expect nothing from this letter, and see it as having nothing to loose, burn it instead please, because honestly, she may well see through this effort to get a second chance, and be reinforced by her decision to dump you.

Your right in one respect, not to put a lot of hope into this very desperate effort. Now burn this darn thing, and put an end to false hope, and go for the proper healing. That would be moving forward, not back.

That also will let her heal properly also, from the carnage you caused, and being unselfish is a show of love, but mailing that thing would only be a selfish thing, sure to open up old wounds for you both. Stay with NC, until you have properly healed.

@Taliniman.. as I do not expect anything from the letter, I will send it, not burn it. Maybe not this one but a better and shorter one. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. By doing nothing will obviously not bring her back but there is a possibility that it could get her to call me to talk about the letter. If she sees this as an effort to get a second chance, and it reinforces her decision to leave then I will be no worse off than where I am now. Though it may ruin any chance of reconciliation in the future, it will help her understand things much easier and maybe get rid of any negative feelings she may still have towards me. I don't think it is false hope as no one can predict the future. Though you may see it as a lame way to get her to contact me, though you doubt she would, it's the best way I can think of and you haven't given me a better alternative. Doubt is also not a guarantee. I understand it may seem selfish if I do not give her the space she needs to heal. I have been advised that 2 months no contact is okay to test the waters. Thanks for your advice and concern though

Honestly I respect you'all opinion but I am looking for a solution to get my ex back, not give up and leave it to chance! Maybe this was best for you if ever you experienced a heart break but I am looking for advice on the letter. I will not send the letter but a better one. I would like suggestions on what parts of it is okay to send to her and what parts should be omitted. I understand everyone who has replied to this thread may have had similar experiences and see the best thing to do is give up on the people who you love or leave it to chance but I simply will not. I have spent a lot of time thinking about it, the good and the bad that could come out of sending the letter and I am thoroughly convinced that I will send a letter. In the end I will regret not trying than trying, more. I am not doing this at the cost of my own happiness nor due to my own selfish needs, I am doing this to get her to let go of the bad feelings she may have up against me. If what you get out of this is that Im being selfish, desperate or hurt then my letter has given you the wrong impression. Yes I admit some people need to heal on their own and letting does seem like a very loving gesture but I believe I can do what most people can't and that is win back their ex and our love could be stronger. Though it may seem impossible to others, it is not and on that fact alone I will not give up on the love of my life. I admire the strength people may have to do that but I rather be weak and fight for someone I love rather than give up on them and go through life thinking what if...

CorieMike,
I am all with you in this endeavor. I too am without the Love of my Life right now and I can not even tell her that. I would say you bet on trying, I know I would and you don't even know what I have been through. But I know in my heart that we were meant to be, and I have to at least try just like you say.
I know that you have to be right with yourself first, before you can be right with someone.
If that means Spiritually or whatever it may be, you have to be there FIRST.
It does not happen overnight, and if you have kids it is even harder. I pray for my Wife every day as well as my family and us.
I always believed in an old saying that if you Loved something let it go, if it comes back to you it was yours and if it doesn't it never was... I do not believe in that saying any longer CM.
Because when you break it down, it has no real merit other than the free will. But there are other factors that are missed in the saying.
I would say that just coming straight from the heart and not just laying it all on you is the way to go.
I would do anything to make it better, and I would and I am,, but it is in the end up to her to see and hear it.

I hope that helps CM

Lets be very clear here guy, its your choice what you do. My only point is to act on facts not just feelings, and I also know to do that, you have to be in a good healthy place, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My advice is to get to that place for yourself, and be able to make good decisions for yourself. That's the whole purpose of healing isn't it? To be healthy, and make healthy decisions going forward.

That's the key to strive for a happy life. That's the goal. Your choice.

I agree with you. Thanks for the advice

CM, id love to hear how your situation turned out. I'm rooting for you and seeing as its been a year since you wrote on here, I hope that even if it didn't work out with your ex, perhaps you have found new happiness.

I do hope that it worked out somehow though. I am basically in the same boat - knowing that letting go is the "right thing" but do not just want to give up.

Hopefully you see this and give an update.