:o I'm in love with a married man. We've been together for almost two years and we have a child together. I want him to get a divorce and be with me and our son. Am I crazy for wanting that??

My opinion is Yes you are crazy. If he hasn't left his wife after 2 yrs even after having a child together he prob. Never will. I say move on w/ your life and stop trying to be w/ him.

No married man is going to leave you for his wife 99% of the time. He has played you from day 1 and kept you dangling on a piece of string with a big sign that says false hope on it. He sounds like a real P**t to me for cheating on his wife and what makes you think that once he gets bored with you, he would not do the same to you?

Think about it... It can't be as special as you think. If it were that special, he would have left his wife first and then pursued a relationship with you.

Leave this situation and Move On>>>FAR AWAY FROM HIM.

You are crazy to be with a married man. Also having a child with a married man. Are you wrong or crazy for wanting him to get a divorce, No. You have a family with him as well. You want to be married to him now. That is understandable. Now just for instance he does get a divorce and gets married to you. Are you going to be concerned that he might have another girl on the side besides you? I agree with others. He probably will never leave his wife. The only way he might is if he is forced too. Especially if his wife finds out about you, if she did not already?


Joe

OMG, I am sure you really do not want me to answer this.

Yes, you are crazy!!

You are the kind of woman who ruined my marriage and my children. They will never be the same. They do not trust anyone.

He will not leave his wife, if he does, he will cheat on you. Trust me, I lived through it.

He made a vow before God that he would be with his wife... he is not. He makes excuses as to why he cannot be with you on holidays and important occasions. He comes to your house to lie down with you passionately, then goes home to his unsuspecting wife and gets passionate with her too.

Get on with your life, get a real life with a man that is unattached.

Yes, I sound harsh, but I was the wife who was cheated on... I was her... If you expect him to leave her for you, you will be cheated on too.

I am very harsh to the person who ruins the lives of young helpless children because they think that dating a married person is fun and/or exciting.

Personally, I think it shows no morals or values.

I am sorry your child will have to grow up in this environment.

Being in love with a man who cannot give you the same respect ( as in being with you in a permanent relationship isn't a man you should be wife .I ask you does this man/ care for his child you made with him?If so then fair enough a problem for your child is that the complex situtation you are may leave him/her with a part - time dad.

You have to distance yourself from this man , already he is wrecking his own life and marriage by being with you , but he is also messing up your life where you are sitting at the door waiting for him to come.

He sounds like (after 2 yrs) he has no intention of leaving his wife as harsh as this may sound you have to get away before your life gets more disrupted , think of your child first , no matter how much you love him , you either ask him to come clean with his wife or that or its over and he is to see his child once he knows he can be a better father. ( rather than a part time dad)

Good luck in all that you do keep us posted on how things go

By all means, keep on waiting. Hell will freeze over first.

He has not left his marriage yet and there is no reason for him to do so. He is having his cake and eating it too, complete with icing. He has a child with you, what about his other children? Wouldn't they love to know they have a brother?

If you do not get anything from all these posts except for the fact you are being played by this man and need to move on with your lilfe and the life of your child, you will be in the right direction. So get going! You got two feet - point them to the North Star and get moving.

I crazy for wanting that???

No












I was lying you are. I played you. Just like he does.

Well, I will need to disagree with the others. Are you crazy ?- No. No you are not crazy. Otherwise you would have an excuse for making such foolish and selfish choices. For wanting something that you know deep down will hurt so many people.

You are of sound mind, you just have not been using it very well. It's time you open up those eyes and truly see what the actual reality is. Yebria, my gut is telling me, that right now, he's doing the same thing to you.

Here's the good news. You are not crazy. So you are more than capable of making the right choice. I know you have it in you to do it. I know you will choose not to hurt this mans wife and family any longer. I know you will choose a better life for your child. I know you will have enough self respect and self love to want better for yourself as well.

Yebria, it is time you put an end to this false reality you have set for yourself. Will this man leave his wife and be with you? Yebria, you don't want him. How could you possibly ever trust him. You won't be able to. Please stop this heartache that you have set in motion.

By the way, if this man ever did leave his wife to be with you, trust me, we would tell the woman that he is cheating on you with (because there is a 99.9% possibiliy that is going to happen) the same thing.

Yebria, you can do this. Each day is a chance to start new. Don't you want to feel good about yourself, to set a good example for your child, to not intentionally cause hurt to his wife?

By the way Yebria, I actually am in 100% agreement with all the other post. I am just taking your question "Am I crazy" in the literal sense. No, you are not crazy, so you have no excuse for these poor choices.

Today is a new day - Make the change. There really is no other choice.

No, not crazy, just foolish. You should be glad he hasn't left his wife for you, because then you'd be married to a cheater. Go. Get him out of your life and find a real father for your child. That's who the victim is here. Such a sad situation. Don't make it worse by prolonging it.

I agree with allheart, I liked her response as it was quite reassuring and had good balance... You are not crazy, sorry did not answer that first of all. The situation you are in to me looks crazy because like Allheart says you are obviously of sound mind to be able to stand back and think, "is this crazy?" You know why the situation is crazy is because he is never going to leave his wife and he plays you in a big way. He uses you, he is a bad person no matter how special you think he is, he is not, his actions speak volumes about what kind of person he is.

You must see that, don't you?

Don't listen to his lies, he will say anything to keep you there dangling on his piece of string. There are good people out there and this guy is not one of them and think of his wife, put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel? Does she really deserve this? And think of the child/children (if he has children with his wife too) how would this affect them? What message would it give them if they were to find out?

So many people can get hurt here, including yourself. You must leave this situation with that in mind.

:o I'm in love with a married man. We've been together for almost two years and we have a child together. I want him to get a divorce and be with me and our son. Am I crazy for wanting that???

Yes you are absolutely crazy for wanting a life from someone you has fed you crap for two years.
Yes you are absolutely crazy for bringing a child into this insane relationship know good and well he is not leaving his wife for you.
Yes you are absolutely crazy to even believe for one minute he would ever choose you and yours over his wife and children.
Yes you are absolutely crazy for thinking that he loves you more than his wife, your only the mistress. KNOW your place.

Your problem with insanity started two years ago when you let him in your life with whatever line he gave you.

Make sure you have child support, and get ready to explain how crazy you were before he was born.

No you are not crazy, nor are you alone. Men and women have affairs while married and some leave their spouses and some don't. If they do not leave their spouses in the first few months of a relationship, they are not going to. As time goes by, they get just as comfortable in their second life as in their first. Do not waste anymore time with this man. Your child is going to start asking questions and what are you going to say to him/her? The guy is going to get caught with you or get tired of the situation. It gets old running back and forth and telling lie after lie. You know he lies to her, you know he lies to you. Is that the kind of person you want to be with and have for a role model for your child? I know you so want to believe him, he probably even believes he may leave his wife someday. He won't, not if it has been 2 years.
You have a child now and that should be your first priority, make a life you will be proud to talk about. I am sure you have to have feelings of low self esteem living in the shadow of lies. You and your child deserve so much more. Step out of that box and get in a healthy life. Find a man you can have a true life with. Someone who takes you to public places and comes home every night and every holiday and does not lie. If he lies to his wife he is going to lie to you and if his mother is alive he is telling her lies. Run, girl run.

While I don't think you're Crazy, I am sure you know that he will not leave his wife for you.... he doesn't Love you... he's using you... I wish the news was better, but I'm sure you know this!

Hi Yebria,

It's me Allheart again. Wow you sure did get a good bit of responses and it may be a great deal to take in all at once. You are in a heck of a situation because you have a child with this man.

I hope you understand that all this feedback is to help you see the light and get you to a better place, so to speak.

No, you are not crazy and I am not beating around any bush or sugarcoating my words to you. Frankly I was concerned that I may have been too harsh.

Here's what I feel is the bottom line. You made a terribly wrong turn on a road that you should have never been on. None of us our perfect, and all have areas in our life we need to work on. This is a huge one for you. Your wrong turn is effecting so many people in a very hurtful way.

You have the power within you, to do the right thing. To change this all around and do right by your child, this man's wife and family and yourself. You can not possibly feel good inside with the choices that you have made.

When you read all these post, take some time to really read them and try and understand that these may be the most beneficial words, guidance and advice that you may ever receive and may make all the difference in what the future holds for you and your child.

This is a fascinating thread. Diametrically opposing answers to the "Am I crazy?" question; perfect unanimity on the "What should I do?" question.

Doh! She didn't ask that one! (I know, I did it too).

Does the site have a discalimer anywhere along the lines of "Be forewarned that you may get answers to questions people think you SHOULD have asked, in addition to the ones you actually do ask"?

In this case, I think it's warranted, because crazy or not, she still has to figure out what to do next. The ship has sailed, the train has left the station. The child is born and must be raised.

Wow ur messed in the mind woman, he wouldnt be married for no reason, r u sure its ur kid from him or someone else?

Well we can debate her state of mind all day long but to her credit she is smart enough to spell words.

It looks like evoxbeck got the almighty kick in the butt. Lol

Chuff excellent observation, some people do not give this girl enough credit.

Joe

Great words of wisdom, K_3... regarding the fact that if a spouse does not leave their marriage within the first few months or so, they probably never will!

I almost got into a sticky situation myself with someone. But I am so grateful that he quickly nipped it in the bud, and said to me that he better "work things through" with his wife first.

Cause I feel that I am the weak one, and I'm so glad he was strong and is doing the honorable thing. This way , if we were really meant to be, we can be together for real.
I don't like sneaking around.

You are not crazy for wanting this man to be yours; that's just a natural feeling.
But you must look at the deeper picture. Cause I don't even get the vibes that this guy is having "problems" with his wife. He sounds like he is just a 2-timer.

I disagree. I don't think you're crazy. I think you're selfish and inconsiderate beyond belief, but not crazy. To be crazy you'd have to do things without thinking, but you thought about it, knew the harm you would bring to his family and your innocent child and did it anyway to make yourself happy. That's not crazy, that's self-absorbed.

Really, you want a man who was willing to screw over his current family to have a little action on the side? The only difference will be that you will be the one washing his dirty overly used underwear and not her. Besides that, nothing will change because he will commit to be faithful to no one but himself. He comes first, last, always. Wow, what a winner!

Absolutely crazy. This is nuts!!

98% of married men don't leave their family nad wives.

You're the mistress.

PLUS - he cheated on her - he'll cheat on you.

All he wants is sex - nothing more.

YES, she is crazy.

Go find an available who will love your and you. Not some user, liar, cheater.

You're not crazy. You're in love. It's much worse and can't be treated with medication or shock therapy.

The problem is that despite what your heart and that knot in your stomach might tell you, love does not conquer all, and this time you may very well have fallen in love with the wrong man.

Obviously none of us can really know this man, but past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior and if he did not leave his wife to be with you when you had his child, he probably never will. As painful as it will be at first, it is probably best for your and your child if you move on and cut all ties. Your baby needs your attention now and you won't be able to give it as long as you're still obsessing over this unhealthy relationship.

Girl you are not crazy you are stupid if he has not left his wife yet isn't going to do it now unless the wife finds out and divorce him first...

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[URL="https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/../members/mybell07.html"]mybell07 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/../members/mybell07.html) : Not helpful advice to the confused poster--just bitter ranting of a wronged wife. I'm not condoning the decision to have a child with a married man, but J_9 needs to face reality. The only ones who can ruin your marriage are you and your husband.

Mybell, are you going to place a disagree with everyone here on this post? Because most everyone here said basically the same thing I did.

I have faced reality my dear, it was the other woman who ruined our marriage, even my ex will now agree to that. This woman is the "other woman" and has potentially ruined another marriage. Now, for who is at fault? It would have to be the man and the "other woman"

You do not know me, you don't know my ex and you don't know his other woman, so you do not know the exact circumstances of our break up? Or would you care to assume that too?

Mine was not bitter ranting, actually I am very happy in my life now and the divorce, looking back, was the best thing for me personally. I see where I am now and where my ex is now. I am thankful that my marriage ended. However, our children suffer. I am bitter because of what it did to our children.

So, Mybell, you may want to step back, and read the rules here before disagreeing with people as you obviously don't quite know the rules yet.

YES YOU ARE!! My mom went through the same thing and has a kid with him and he still didn't give up on his wife so I told her to get over him and she did now it is your turn. Because oviously he isn't going to give up his wife! So you should just move on! Even though you may still love him but it would take a while to get over him but do what you like!

:o I'm in love with a married man. We've been together for almost two years and we have a child together. I want him to get a divorce and be with me and our son. Am I crazy for wanting that???
If his in lve with you then no, because you and him where meant to be

if his in lve with yu then no, because you and him where ment to be

Thnk goodnss the orgenall poostr hast ben bac in a mnth to red that nonsense.

Yes Chuff - that post was ridiculous. That's not even advice.

2 years and the guy never left his wife. Hello??

:o I'm in love with a married man. We've been together for almost two years and we have a child together. I want him to get a divorce and be with me and our son. Am I crazy for wanting that???

NO, I don't think that you are crazy. If he loves you and ya'lls son, then he should be honest with his wife and tell her that it has been real, but he is moving on. Go after what you want and don't stop until you get him.

NO, I don't think that you are crazy. If he loves you and ya'lls son, then he should be honest with his wife and tell her that it has been real, but he is moving on. Go after what you want and don't stop til you get him.

Please see post #27.

I Don't Think U'r Crazy For Loving This Dude I Think U'r Crazy For Being With Him-havin His Babe-being With Him When He Has A Wife And U No About It-and Wanting For Him To Leave His Wife For U-i Must Adimit It Is His Fault That He Is Cheating But U Shouldn't Be Helping Him In This Proses B/c It Isn't Just U Who Is Suffering Imagine The Pain The Other Women Will Be Going Through When She Finds Out About This And In My Book U'r Not Just Wrong For Loving Him
U'r Wrong For Helping Him Cheat!!

Where do some of these posters come from? They must be in early high school. Clueless on cheating, being used, lying, manupulation, breaking up families. Etc.

Where do some of these posters come from? They must be in early high school. Clueless on cheating, being used, lying, manupulation, breaking up families. Etc.

I wonder that myself about there social skills. Sometimes, I also wonder that about their grammar skills. Why don't they have any? In five years when they are in the work force can you image what's going to happen when they try writing things like they do here?

Help, please, help! Reading that post actually hurt my eyes. Or should I say: It Rally, Rally Hert My I's Because It Was So Porely Riten.

I can appreciate the contents, but... come on people, please make it a little easier to read the posts.

Now, I must go and save "Boo Boo", my 2 year old from son, from wearing his potty training seat on his head like a hat. Don't you just love Boys!

It's a toy!

Well it's a crazy idea, let's put it that way! If he hasn't left his wife after 2 years to be available for you, even with child in tow, then you can bet it's never going to happen. I say cut your losses, treat him as the father of your child and nothing more and move on.

It's amazing how the male species can make toys out of virtually anything Wildcat!

To this guy, you aren't a family... you are a mistress, a secret he hopes will never escape. Do yourself a favor, stay away from him and ALL married men. If he cheats on his wife, he is indecent, and honey, he isn't going to treat you any better or with anymore respect than he does her.

Yes we can! Space suit helmet!! I have one of those.