I have been with my girlfriend for about 3 years now. We both moved away from home to live together when we were 18. We were madly in-love. Everything seemed so perfect but all of a sudden, out of the blue, she tells me she wants to move out. This is hard at first but, she assures me that she doesn't want to break up, she just wants to be able to do her own thing because she is young. This took me a while to accept because I felt as if I was being broken up with.

Eventually I did accept it and tried to see it as a positive thing. We talked quite a lot about this for a few days regarding her feelings as to why she needed to move out. She said she just wasn't happy anymore but felt like if she moved out things would get better. Once she told me she wasn't happy anymore I began to question her truthfulness in this matter. Turns out, she has been feeling this way for over a month. She has been pretending to love me, pretending to feel passion when we kiss, make love, etc.

This really, really bothered me and I kind of blew up on her. I just could not understand how someone who knows everything about me and who I know everything about could lie to me like that. Basically I told her that she needed to be honest with me and stop playing games with me. A few days later, she dumped me. After all this talk about not breaking up and wanting things to work she dumps me without even trying to make things better. I question everything now.

I feel completely betrayed and I am so hurt. She is what defines my existence and I would do anything for her but now its gone. To make matters worse, she is still living with me. She goes out almost every night until at least midnight and all I can do is worry and wonder. She says she isn't leaving me for another guy but then I see pictures of her with her arms wrapped around her supposed "work friend", smiling and looking so happy. I'm going insane. I have nightmares about her being with other guys every night and I wake up feeling so depressed and angry. I don't know what to do. What can I do?

She needs to move out, is that still the plan of action? It's the only healthy thing for both you and her.

That she's been questioning the relationship for a month doesn't mean she's been dishonest. Some people examine a feeling internally before bringing unnecessary worry to those around them. I know some people will argue that you need to be honest about how you're feeling all the time, but there's benefits to both approaches. You seem to be viewing this as a black and white situation: either she is madly crazy in love with you or she's faking everything. It was probably somewhere in the middle but that's completely irrelevant right now.

She has decided that she doesn't want the relationship anymore. You are both quite young and she's getting to be that age where many people want to be free and have fun. I know you feel completely lost but you will feel better with time.

Right now I think your first priority should be that you two aren't living together, and then after that cut off contact with her so you can heal and move on.

She doesn't define your life-you do.

As she broke up with you,why doesn't she move out?

You need time and space to heal from the breakup and you'll get over her much more quickly if you're not under the same roof.

The only reason she is still living with me is because of our lease agreement. It will be up in about a month. I think she is planning on moving out much sooner though, possibly moving in with a friend. I have known for quite a while that she hasn't been "madly in love" with me. It's been pretty obvious that something has been up for a good amount of time. I totally understand the thinking internally aspect and am not blaming her for that. I guess I just wish she would have talked to me when I would ask her if something is up. If she truly wanted to try to make it work and truly felt how she said she felt I would think she would take action on her words. What stumps me the most is her "attachment" to me in the past and present. Everything up to this point has been her saying, "Please don't ever leave me, I would die without you" Even recently she has been telling me how much I mean to her and how much she loves me. Then one day, poof! It all seems to have been sucked out of her heart. Now she gets mad at me when I show my feelings. When I cry she asks me why I am doing this to her? How can someone who has been so compassionate and understanding simply turn herself inside out and think I am being ridiculous? We have been through so many difficult times together as far as both of our families going through divorce, depression, close friends being killed, financial issues, and the list goes on. Our lives are completely parallel in every aspect. That is what is so hard about this. She can't seem to come up with a reason for leaving me but insists that I understand. How can I understand her decision when I have nothing to understand?

You are not alone. So many people mull over the way things were vs. the way things are, and wonder "what happened?"

Honestly, even if she were able to lay it out for you with charts and graphs it wouldn't feel any better. Besides I doubt she even knows entirely what's going on herself. Break-ups are convoluted for both parties, regardless of who did the breaking. The only thing that matters now is that it's over and you need to move on. I hope you feel better with time!

I understand that you would like some concrete reason for her change of feelings but, you probably will not get one... many people don't. She is going through her own inner turmoil just as you are. She's changed or changing and sometimes it is as simple as that!
First loves are truly the hardest and I feel for you bud!

However, time to start stepping up here, stop crying in front of her and wearing your heart on your sleeve. It serves no purpose but, to drive her away and trust me, you will hate yourself later for ever acting this way. Once a girl makes this decision she usually sticks with it and there is really no answer she can give that will satisfy.

Hard I know but, keep your head up, be polite when around her for the rest of the lease term, stop pestering her with questions... once she moves out you can start to heal, focus on your life and move on.

Your gut feeling was right, you were being dumped when she told you she was moving out. The rest of that gobble-de-goop was just to appease things until the lease ended.

Now you know. Cry later but handle your BUSINESS now! Either leave until the lease is up, or make her leave until the lease is up.