Multiple threads merge for the entire story

Perhaps this is one of the most common question being asked here, and I have read millions of similar questions and answers, but I would still appreciate if someone could give me advise on how to get over a breakup.

My ex boyfriend broke up with me about a year ago. We met in college and had remained close friends until our senior year when we started to date. We have been on LDR for few years and eventually he couldn't stand it and broke up with me last year. But we dragged for quite a long time since then until recently he started to distant from me and later admitted that he's seeing someone else now after I confronted him. I was heart-broken and devastated, especially it was not too long ago we were still discussing about starting over again and he even suggested that he'll find a job in the city where I'm working at now. I love him so much and thought he was the love of my life. We both went through a lot and I thought we could overcome any obstacles ahead of us.

We had actually broken up few times before. The last time we broke up was because he cheated on me. Later we got back together and things were all great since then. We were more in love then before.

About a year ago he broke up with me because he said he couldn't bear the LDR any longer and he felt too lonely. I was quite upset. But the breaking up process has prolonged and we kept frequent contact as if we're still going out. In the beginning of last year, he came to visit me few times and had remained very caring. I was confused whether he was still in love with me or not. Then last summer I finally brought up the topic and asked if he wants to start things over. He answered yet and even suggested that he'll try to move to the same city where I am. I was quite happy.

But few months ago he suddenly began to distant from me and acted very weirdly. Initially I thought because we'd been fighting too much during that time and he wanted some space. Until later he told me that he felt too lonely and wanted to start dating people again. I was quite upset. Then very soon when I found out that he is actually in a new relationship with another person, I was determined to cut complete contact with him.
I felt betrayed though he broke up with me a year ago already.

Since then he called and emailed me from time to time, checking to see how I am. He even told me that he still misses me a lot and that the girl is only there to pass time. He said he still feels that eventually he'll marry me. I was somewhat happy to learn that he still tihnks of me and yet I'm scared to believe his words anymore. I was very confused.

I sent him a present for Christmas (perhaps because I still miss him a lot). Haven't heard from him since Christmas. I then called him after new year and checked if he receive the present. He casually acknowledged and sounded quite cold on the phone. I felt he suddenly changed his attitude. I was again very confused.

He stopped contacting me since then. A part of me felt that he has moved on already and yet a part of me still keep finding excuses for him and all of sort of explanations why he behaved this way. I feel myself in a mess and I just don't know what should I do? What is on his mind? This guy was once my love, my best friend and suddenly he walks out from my life. I am very hurt and want to move on, but I still couldn't stop thinking about him and hold on with the hopes that he'll come back. Am I being stupid?

"Since then he called and emailed me from time to time, checking to see how I am. He even told me that he still misses me a lot and that the girl is only there to pass time."

I only have one thing to say... If he can say that about a girl he is seeing, he can say it about you to some other girl.

What he is doing is wrong, and he could be doing it to you.

Move on, keep busy, treat yourself with kindness and you won't need to seek it out from others.

A part of me thinks he's a jerk and yet a part of me couldn't accept a person I know for so long has become such a stranger to me now. I have known and stayed as closed friends for almost a decade now. He's someone whom I trusted the most.

I don't understand why he tells me about his new girlfriend, that she knows about me and she is jealous of me. Is he just trying to lead me on or simply try to make me feel better. If so, then why suddenly he disappeared? He tells me he still loves me and yet the next day he becomes so cold.

I know I should move on. I am just very disappointed.

You can stop the rollercoaster by stopping all contact with him whatsoever, that includes emails and phone calls. He may have good intentions(?), but he hurts you. You end this drama, and move ahead with a life you enjoy without him.

My long-term boyfriend broke up with me and is now seeing someone else. Part of the reason he wanted to break up because he said I don't listen to him. He wanted me to do everything he asked of me. He thinks I am not skinny enough and that he felt somewhat embarrassed. I am a very stubborn person and I felt he doesn't respect me when he asked me to do this and that, to the extent of changing myself completely. This issue led us to many fights. He is now seeing another girl whom he said it's very nice to him and most importantly listens to him. I am very heart-broken and devastated.

I start to doubt myself and whether I made a mistake for not listening to him enough. Was it my fault that the relationship ended. We were together for 5 years already.

First: No, it was not your fault the relationship ended.

Second: What he was doing to you was emotional abuse.

Third: Do not ever doubt yourself.

Fourth: No reason to be devastated, you should be happy and relieved.

Five: Many people in relationships try to change each other but if he never really liked you for who you are then are you not better off without him? You need to be yourself.

Sixth: The only time you should change, is when that change is for yourself. Never change for anybody else except for yourself.

Joe

As a reference point,https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/confused-break-up-56011.html
Any long distance relationship is a tough thing to do, no matter what kind, or however strong the love is. Any break up can bring negative feelings of doubt and loss of confidence , given the time, and emotions invested in it. With time and effort we get over it and move on by getting a life without that person and learning to do the things that make us happy.

Why do you feel devastated when you already said he did not respect you? Read your own words again.

Someone who respects you should not go about trying to change you over to fit their needs.

You also said that he complained you did not listen to him - that he wanted you to listen and agree to everything he said and you did not. Good for you! You stood up for yourself on that. Why WHY would you want to agree with everything he said, especially if you had a different point of view? It is him who has the issue here, not you. You have a right to express your opinion. Yes, he has a right to his too. That is where healthy discussion comes in. Every couple goes through that and can compromise or else agree to disagree but still accept each as they are - not as someone else tries to make them over to be.

Changing yourself needs to come from within. If you truly see something you need or want to work on. It should come down as an edict from the guy you are involved with. If you want to lose weight, lose it for your own self esteem and health.

Consider yourself blessed here for having back your own life. This guy is a control oriented person. A control freak. He needs to regulate another person's life - be glad it is not yours anymore. There are safe houses and shelters full of women who can tell you just how bad it can get, living with a man like that.

What is happening to you is very natural.
Probably you would have done enough compromises already for your ex. And he is thus trying to put pressure on you. Also for the fact that he is is mentioning to you that the other girl is better and "listens" to him shows that that girl is just a doll, and he preferes you to then her, as you have your own identity and self respect.

This does not outright tell you not to listen to anyone.. judge and think, if it is OK to listen to someone.
Further, everything is mutual- if you scratch my back, I will scratch yours. Else, you can close that relationship. Never feel guilty!

AH! He is trying to use you as his stepni!
Not your guy, you should move on..

No, listening to someone is just that listening, not changing, he wanted someone other than who you are, he wanted someone to mold in his image, not a equal partner that he would respect.

Its normal that your self-esteem and self-confidence are hurt after the breakup. Its normal to question yourself or even doubt yourself. BUT, the most important thing is that you do not obsess over it. This guy doesn't sound like he was very good to you anyway. No one, who cares about you, should make you feel bad about the way you look. Also, if he found what he was looking for in someone else, good for him! Don't worry about people who has left you. If he has moved on, you move on as well. Do not obsess about what you could've done or what you should've done. Take pride in who you are, what you have to offer, and give it to someone who deserves it.

Maybe he has become a habit you are simply trying to break. In order to break bad habits we must replace them with a new, good habit.

Take care of you. Stay strong and stay above the battles.

Let's be honest here. This relationship ended years ago. Truthfully I'm not sure if it ever started. It was long distance with no real promise to come together, he likes you when he doesn't have anybody else to have sex with, and he openly tells you he cheated before and is now seeing another woman. He's made you feel worthless and dependent and you choose to accept it. Now be bigger than the situation and choose to accept that you won't fall for this again. Be bigger than this and do some studying on why you've allowed this.

Should girls always listen?

Yes.


I felt he doesn't respect me when he asked me to do this and that, to the extent of changing myself completely.

No.

Listening means you be quiet and don't interrupt or be disrespectful or try to change the person your with. But for you half of this agreement to be met you must do it with someone that accepts and respects the same beliefs. Your ex could not and did not.

Hi, I have posted previously, seeking for support after my long-term (ex) boyfriend broke up with me months ago. It's been awhile now and I'm feeling bit better than before. And yet I still couldn't help from wondering if I was at fault leading to the break up.

My ex and I were together for over 5 years but have been on LDR for the last few years. He's now seeing someone now and one of the reason he broke up with me was because he said I had too much burden on my shoulder that he couldnt' handle me anymore. I have some family problems which are complicated to resolve and which was also why I couldn't move to the same city with him yet.

I was very closed to my ex and we shared almost everything, that includes my family issues. But every time when I got upset from my family problems, my ex would not want to talk to me and said I made him feel stressed out. Eventually he couldn't handle me and broke up with me. This made me start to doubt how open should we be with our partner?

I listened to my ex whenever he got upset or feels down and I expected he would do the same to me. Was I wrong to assume this? Are guys and girls different?

I think its good to be open in a relationship. You should be able to tell your partner how you feel and what's bothering you any time.I also think that he should have been there for you like you were there for him when he was stressed. Maybe he's self centered and don't really care about others feelings.but you haven't done anything wrong...

Sounds like you were the giver and he was the taker and you should be glad he is long gone. You did nothing wrong except give to an ungrateful partner so leave him in the past and look to the future with some one who deserves you.

We should be able to share nethin with our loved ones... nethin!!
If he is not giving you this much space then its good for you that he is gone... u r in a very good state now... otherwise you may hv repented it later...

<<But every time when I got upset from my family problems, my ex would not want to talk to me and said I made him feel stressed out. Eventually he couldn't handle me and broke up with me. This made me start to doubt how open should we be with our partner?
>>

I think of course a partner should listen. Men try to fix problems more than listen, so maybe he felt like he could not help you fix your family problems and this is why he felt he could not handle you.

I am actually going through the same thing as you, kind of... I have had bad family problems for the last 5 years, I have been at the point of wanting to end things a couple of times. At the start I would bottle everything up because I didn't want to bother my partner with my problems,then one day he asked me to tell him everything, and ever since I have told him about it all.he has helped me to deal with the (ongoing) worst time in my life, I don't think your partner is the right one for you, if you love someone you don't run away from that person when they have problems,you try to hep them through it,life is hard and there will always be problems for people to get through,the right man will help you through everything and still be here at the end.

Men try to fix problems more than listen, so maybe he felt like he could not help you fix your family problems and this is why he felt he could not handle you.
This is an important difference between men and women that often causes misunderstandings. Men tend to assume that if someone tells them about a problem, they're asking for advice about how to fix it. If that's not the case, and all you really want is someone to listen and nod their head and look sympathetic and say things like "I can see why you feel that way", then be sure to tell the guy up front that you're not looking for advice and you don't expect him to fix it for you or tell you how to fix it. Better yet, find a girlfriend to talk to.

Have been asking lots of questions here these days and really appreciate you all for reading and replying! You guys really helped me through the dark hours.

I received an email from my ex-bf yesterday (whom I dated for 5 years, broke up with me months ago and now has a new gf), just dropping few lines to update me his whereabouts. We haven't spoken for weeks already. I was a little surprise to hear from him and got me start thinking of him again.. sigh... Anyhow, I just replied his email in few lines, saying that I'm doing good and wish him luck on his job search. (By the way, he sounded quite formal in his email and addressed me by my first name instead of the name nick my friends including him call me. It feels a bit sour as he sounds like writing to a stranger).

I have began to accept the fact that we're over and yet a part of me still have a wishful thinking that he still misses me and would ask me back. (We chatted about a month ago and he told me that he still misses me and was confused whether he should break up with his current girlfriend now).

This afternoon I suddenly had the urge to write to him, telling him how I feel and that I still miss him a lot (which I do!). But I hesitated and am scared that this will backfires sooner or later. Reassure me that I should move on and continue no contacts with him. Really need support from you all! Thanks! :rolleyes:

I think it would be best for you to remain out of contact with him. This could just set you up for getting hurt again and debilitate the progress you have made with your healing. I know it is hard to give up hope but you really must try and eliminate these thoughts. If he were thinking of a reconciliation with you, I am certain he would make the first step and it would be best to step back (which you have done) and move on with your life. Nobody knows what the future holds but you can manage the present by doing what is right for you, and you alone.

Although it is always hard to listen to my own advice. I would say don't contact him either. I mean, you know he has a new girlfriend etc, you said he was formal with you. I can relate to the formal part, it feels strange. I don't know what they try to prove with the formal thing, to distance themselves from us emotionally? Sometimes even the contact being formal is enough to upset you. I would steer clear for now.

I would agree with everyone above. Don't send him anymore emails. When you see an email or phone message from him, just delete them. Out of sight out of mind. Whatever the reason is that he feels he needs to give you "updates" is beyond me. It sounds like he is trying to keep you haning on just in case this new girlfriend doesn't work out. What a jerk!! Go meet someone new and have fun girl! Forget about him.

Yes - quit contacting him He;s just looking for attention.

Woud have been best not to respond.

I'd eve nblock his e-mail if he is giving these laim updates.

Well I Can Relate To That My Baby Daddy Went To Prison For 5 Years. I Moved With My Mother And Met This Younger Guy. And Fell In Love. It Was All right At First But He Was Very Abusive To Me Physical And Mental.he Had A Drinking Problemand He Was Just Stupid.we Where Together For 2 Years But We Broke Up About 2 Months Before My Ex Got Out.so Me And Him Got Back Together.and A Move Away.he Found Another Gf But We Still Talk And See Each Other When We Can. I Still Love Him Very Much

Well Maybe He Still Cares And Wanted To See How She Is Doing.I Don't See Nothing Wrong With You And Him Being Friends. My Ex Was There When My Dad Die. He Help Me . My Dad Was The First Person To Die That Was Really Close To Me.thats Maybe Way Am Connect To Him Like That. But You Will Make The Right Chose For Yourself

I know exactly how you feel, I have the same situation with my ex. And guys here told me smth I ( and I am sure you too) realized long ago, but was afraid to say it out loud.
MOVE ON!!
I guess by saying that to someone else I make sure I move on myself, but I know how terribly hard it feels. Just wanted to wish you luck, it takes guts to pull yourself together to put an end to this.
GOOD LUCK!

Thanks everyone for your support! Am working hard to move though I still think of him a lot. Hopefully time will heal!

Good luck with you all too! =)

After 5 years together you probably have a hole in your soul you could drive a truck through. Its only been a few months and yes its going to be really rough, but look at how you reacted to his email, cool calm and brought it here to your safe place. Great move. Your stronger than you think and your instincts are right on. Even though he has a new GF he still has trouble sleeping I bet, but forget his motives they are what they are and you sent a good message to him that you won't just melt at the sound of his ooops emails. And now you've proven that to yourself as well. Good job. Hang in there we are open 24/7.

After 5 years together you probably haave a hole in your soul you could drive a truck thru. Its only been a few months and yes its going to be really rough, but look at how you reacted to his email, cool calm and brought it here to your safe place. Great move. Your stronger than you think and your instincts are right on. Even though he has a new GF he still has trouble sleeping I bet, but forget his motives they are what they are and you sent a good message to him that you won't just melt at the sound of his ooops emails. And now you've proven that to yourself as well. Good job. Hang in there we are open 24/7.

Had to spread it Tal but great post.

Spot on!

You are further on than you think. Don't jeopordise that now by doing something you'll regret!

Although it is always hard to listen to my own advice. I would say don't contact him either. I mean, you know he has a new girlfriend etc, you said he was formal with you. I can relate to the formal part, it feels strange. I don't know what they try to prove with the formal thing, to distance themselves from us emotionally? Sometimes even the contact being formal is enough to upset you. I would steer clear for now.


You're quite right, wap! It really upsets me when he's being so formal in his email. He addressed me by my first name (instead of my nick name which all my friends called me including him). After all we had been close friends for many years before we dated. I don't understand why ex does this? Are they trying to reassure us they want to keep a distance? But anyhow, this helps to kill my hopes and forces me to move on.

Have posted previously. My ex broke of 5 years broke up with me and now has a new girlfriend. Was quite upset and had stopped contact for few months already. Didn't reply his emails or picked up his calls. Eventually he stopped all those. Recently he has been sending me many forward emails, which he didn't do so when we were dating. Those forwards are sent to me only and he usually adds few words or a line of commens. Perhaps I'm analyzing too much into this, but I couldn't help myself from thinking why is he doing this? Does he expect me to reply? In a way, I feel a little happy that he still thinks of me. Yet I know I have to stop myself from having any hopes and really move on.

So just venting it out here and hopefully I can continue the no contact :)

Yes continue the no contact, those emails are a CRUMB of an attempt to get a reply out of you.

I'm with rol. Stick to your guns, he's hoping to keep you on the back-burner and he's just testing the water.

How strange to send these? Yeah, don't respond. He is looking for some kind of attention.

Yeah a miserable crumb!!

Delete right away and don't even think about them.

Seeking attention, don't give him any!

Probably some of you have read my previous posts. Am now in the process of moving on from a five years relationship. My ex broke up with me and started seeing someone since few months ago. I was quite upset and cut contact with him. Since then, he had emailed me from time to time to give me update on his end, but I never replied. Then after a month of no communication, he called me last week and gave me an 'update' of him. I kept the chat short. But he called again few days later. In the conversation, he never mentioned about his girlfriend or whether he still has one but he said to me several times that he still care about me and still put me on his top priorities. I'm confused and am scared to believe his words. I tried to ignore him and yet I couldn't help myself from wondering whether he wants a reconciliation with me? Or he's simply giving me false hopes!

I am sure he still cares about you and this girlfriend is just a way of helping him move on from you. He has not completely gotten over to you but that shouldn't be your concern. You need to stop contact completely and if he does call answer and tell him you would appreciate it if you stopped calling. I know you would like to be cordial and be friends but you still harbor great feelings and it would be unfair to you to try that route. You need much more no contact especially since it was a 5 year relationship.

You are no ones backup plan and shouldn't have to sit there and wait for him. Go out and live your life and if the situations arise where it draws you two together so be it but him stringling you along is not good. You can have many other friends why does it have to be someone you still love and have much more greater feelings than normal feelings people have for their friends.

Stop listening by being unavailable to him and his texts or emails. It no longer matters about his intentions and motivations and you are still vulnerable to what he says. Do you really think he has changed or has he found a way to keep in touch and work on getting back on your good side. Nip his access to you in the bud now or be confused and mislead from your path to moving on.

Hi, probably some of you have read or remember my previous posts. My story is similar to those who shared in this forum - girl in 5-yrs relationship, broke up few months ago, hurt, upset, ex now has new girlfriend.

My ex started callling me again two weeks ago. Was surprised but managed to stay in a casual chat. Then he kept calling me on a regular basis, 'updating' me on his life. He's in the midst of planning out his career, changing job, and is very stressed out. I suppose he just wanted a friend to chat with. But eventually I got very uncomfortable as I still have feelings for him and knowing that he's already seeing someone really hurts me. I admit I still have a tiny hope that he's calling to ask for a reconciliation. He even told me that he misses hearing my voice! But nope, as expected, he only calls to chat. Then I have reached a point that I told him I couldn't chat with him and asked him to leave me alone. He got very upset and started accusing me of being such a cold and mean friend who refuses to give him support when he needed it. I don't understand why he still calls me when he has a girlfriend already! Am I being too mean to him?

Anyway, just writing to vent it out and really need a hug now :o

*hugs*

I think he should respect you, and leave you alone for a while. Until your feelings are settled. He's not much of a friend, if he can't understand that.

I feel for you. My ex put me through this very same thing too. Breaking up with me, being with another girl soon afterwards... well in fact, he broke up with me to be with another girl really, and then, even though I asked him not to, kept contacting me over and over to talk to me as "just friends" as if everything was just peachy. It hurts to hear updates from an ex's life when you still have feelings for them. Why do they not realize this? So, like you, I had to tell him I couldn't stay in contact with him, making me look like the "bad guy" in the situation and I felt guilty and "mean" too. His contacting me certainly delayed my getting over him and it also kept me stuck in a cycle of hope that perhaps he still cared and wanted to reconcile, only to be hurt and disappointed when he never mentioned it. It all was very taxing on me emotionally, while not appearing to bother him at all.

Why do exes do this to us? If anyone knows the answer, enlighten us all please. Is it selfishness? Immaturity? Deliberate ego-boost attempts ("hey, look how over you I am")? Cluelessness? Callousness?

I think you did the right thing by telling him you couldn't chat with him.
He seems like a jerk with no clue...

BIG HUG! :D

To Southern Belle: yes, yes, yes, yes and um yes. Sad how unconcerned some people are about the wreckage in their wake, isn't it? For the rest of us, its why discernment is so very necessary these days -- to protect yourself from these sorts. Go slow in building relationships. Seek information about your love interest from multiple sources -- friends, family, etc. Allow your cautious mind to guide your heart more.

To Origins: <hug> Please never consider self care as "mean", okay? He is an ex = you owe him nothing, nada, zilch.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Don't BE SAD


*infinite huggles*

Pat yourself on the back for doing what you had to do to protect yourself. Its not mean to put you and your feelings before his selfish needs, that was a very healthy thing to do. Congrats and hugs!!

After few weeks of no contacts, my ex started contacting me again. We broke up few months ago after five years together and he's now seeing someone. Few weeks ago he called me to chat, partly because he's in the midst of figuring out his career and feels stressed out. After few phone calls, I told him I couldn't continue contact with him as I felt very uncomfortable. I asked him if he's still seeing someone now but he never replied. So I figured the answer was yes. Then I told him again to leave me alone. It takes a lot of courage and really hurts to tell him to go away as I still love him so much.

After about a week of no contact, he started emailing me again. I never replied. Few days ago I got an email from him and he sounded very depressed, mainly due to this job. I hesitated for awhile and then replied few lines to cheer him up. A day later I gave him a call as I was worried. But he sounded very cold on the phone.

I don't quite understand why he still contact me. He knows I wanted him to leave me alone as I was quite hurt from the break up. He has a girlfriend now. I just couldn't figure him out. Why does he still contact me? I don't know what to do anymore.

Hi Origins,

Geez, you may be thinking you are not in a good place because of the painful situation, but my goodness, I think he is in a worse place. He sounds very confused and lost. But I think it is so unfair of him to drag you into it, knowing that you still have feelings for him. It is a bit selfish of him and so unfair to you and the progress that you have made.

If it feels right to you, I would not be in any contact with him at all. It seems he has a great deal of things he needs to work out and those things he needs to do on his own. Just like you have done and all of the progress that you have made.

I know it's hard and you still love him, that just shows your good heart. But you will not be good to anyone, especially yourself if you allow him to pull you back to an unhealthy place.

Try and get back to the place where you were before he started all this contacting and look forward. If need be, don't look at your email account for several days or longer, just to get the away time that you need.

Hi Origin,

First I think you should re-read what you asked previously on this forum:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=1045118

From what you said before, I feel like this guy is doing the same thing over and over again, and why is he doing that? Because you're letting him. He would come to you whenever he's in trouble, give you false hope, and then leave you hanging and hurting again. Deep down you know that it's probably a good idea to stay away from him and move on.

He sounds like a taker to me from how you described him. Is he really worth all these caring from you? Would he listen to you if you're having problems with your life?

My advice to you would be no contact. It's up to you to do it, no one can refrain you from replying to his email, or answering his calls. I know it's hard to move on from a 5 years relationship (although I never experienced one myself), but I honestly think you're better off without him.

I don't know why he's contacting you, but I do know that he broke your heart, and is preventing you from moving on. I know it's hard to stop caring for someone you love so deeply, but you should be selfish for once. Love yourself, take care of yourself, heal yourself first.

Oh, and stop trying to figure out what's going on in his head. That's something you can never figure out, and its preventing you from moving on.

If you stop replying to his contact you would give yourself a chance to heal. He would also get the message to leave you alone and go about his business.

After few weeks of no contacts, my ex started contacting me again. We broke up few months ago after five years together and he's now seeing someone. Few weeks ago he called me to chat, partly because he's in the midst of figuring out his career and feels stressed out. After few phone calls, I told him I couldn't continue contact with him as I felt very uncomfortable. I asked him if he's still seeing someone now but he never replied. So I figured the answer was yes. Then I told him again to leave me alone. It takes a lot of courage and really hurts to tell him to go away as I still love him so much.

After about a week of no contact, he started emailing me again. I never replied. Few days ago I got an email from him and he sounded very depressed, mainly due to this job. I hesitated for awhile and then replied few lines to cheer him up. A day later I gave him a call as I was worried. But he sounded very cold on the phone.

I don't quite understand why he still contact me. He knows I wanted him to leave me alone as I was quite hurt from the break up. He has a gf now. I just couldn't figure him out. Why does he still contact me? I don't know what to do anymore.
I think that he still haves feel. For you.

Hi everyone, I have posted previously. It's been almost 4 or 5 months that my ex broke up with me. It was painful but am now feeling better. Have been trying to stay out of contact with him but still kept calling and emailing me. Last week on Valentine's day, he sent me a card with a really long message. He said he was happy tohave me in his life. He said many sweet things which I had been waiting him to say before. But he didn't say whether he still love me or not or suggest of getting back together. I don't even know if he's still with the girl he has been seeing soon after our break up (that's part of the reason why I was very hurt). I'm scared to believe his words. I never replied to his card and have been driving myself nuts. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Please please tell me how to cut him out ofmy life. I don't know what he want from me anymore! :confused:

Hi

I haven't seen your previous post. Have you actually told him you don't want him to contact you anymore? Only thing I can say is just to be blunt. To tell him that you don't want to have anything to do with him, because your trying to get over him and him contacting you and confusing you is not helping. It is wrong for him to do things like that, giving you false hope, therefore making you hold on to that hope of getting back together for longer, therefore why your still hurting. That's just my opinion; hope it helps.

You will have to be more aggressive in your refusal to see or hear from him if totally ignoring him doesn't work.

I would reply a short one or 2 lines.

Thanks for the card, its nice to end things on a good note,
But now I'm moving on so I would prefer that you don't contact me anymore.

I think with just the closing of a door you will find that the healing comes when you finally do shut the door on this relationship and the things that hurt you. His ambiguity is something that would hurt anyone in your shoes. I actually find it quite cruel and want to say how dare he on your behalf! At the very least its crazy making in how he seems to be driving down the middle of the street. There is a time and place to keep personal confusion to yourself and this would definitely be one of them. Ugh.

You have two choices here: End it politely, never telling him that his message is garbled. Or tell him he speak with forked tongue and that he best save his mixed messages for someone who likes that sort of thing since that isn't you. Its very likely to appear in the back of your mind that if you can successfully respond to him, you would get what you had with him back but please don't delude yourself. What you had is not possible to get back. Period. It would be something different now, especially when you now know what a bullspinner he is.

Move forward. Close the door. Let the healing begin. I am sorry for your loss.

Answering him will only encourage him to continue trying to contact you. I'd keep reply policy. He probably realized how good he had it with you and chances are he is finding himself alone without the other girl. Listen to your gut. You know what's right. You posted he's hurt you in the past, he hasn't said he loves you. You leary about taking a chance with the letch. If he sends you mail. Send it back return to sender. Block his emails. Don';t answer his calls. Let it go to voice mail or block his number. Sooner or later he'll get the messege.

You've missed one important part of no contact: when he sends you something, you don't read it.

Every message of his you've read, every card you've opened, every voicemail you've listened to have reset the timer on no contact. No contact means none. One-sided contact is still contact, and is still something that's causing you problems, because that means he's still there in your mind every time.

if I wer u I would throw it back in his face! He hurt u and left u now he all of a sudden wants u back in his life, which is nice to hear because it makes u feel wanted and that's what u bin waiting 4, but what r the chances of him doing it agen or hurting u agen!! Sod him I say... stay single an have fun for a bit, sum 1 even better will turn up when u least expect it :)
xx

Suddenly have the urge to drop a line to say thank you to everyone on this site. For those of you haven't read my previous postings, I'm the girl (maybe like many others) who's in the process of healing from a not-so-nice break up. :o Have been trying hard to stay out of contact with my ex despite his continuous emails and calls. Up to this day, he still keeps telling me that he has feelings for me while he's still with the girl whom he hook up with soon after he broke up with me. Took me a lot of courage to tell him to leave me alone and it's the hardest thing to do because deep down inside I have always been hoping for a reconciliation. I really appreciate all the great advice and support here! ;) Thanks everyone!

I am glad some of the people here were able to help. I hope you enjoy the site and will share your experiences and expertise with others needing help also

I feel very stupid and begin to hate myself for being so weak, for failing to keep up to NC. As I have posted previously, my ex sent me a card on valentine's day with a long message saying many sweet things to me. At the time, I deleted right away and didn't reply at all.

But over this weekend, I begin to think about him. So I called. BIG MISTAKE! BIG BIG MISTAKE! I knew in the beginning that I shouldn't call, but deep inside I have a very slim hope that he might still love me and want to get back together. Turned out I was half right (which is worst than completely wrong or completely right).

We started off with a very good chat, felt just like how we used to be. But I managed to cut short the chat and asked him directly why he's still contacting me when I have told him many times not to. (One main reason I wanted to cut him out was because he's started seeing someone soon after he broke up with me).

He told me he still has feelings for me and that he really misses me. I then asked him if he's still seeing someone and his answered was yes. I felt disgusted immediately when I heard it. He even told me that his gf is well aware of his feelings for me and is very upset about it.

I felt more disappointed than upset. Felt disappointed that someone I have known for almost a decade (we've dated for 5 years and were best friends before then) has suddenly become a stranger to me. Perhaps I just never seen this side of him. Or are all guys like that?

Anyhow, am also disappointed myself. I can't stop blaming myself for having false hopes when I intuitively know the whole situation. :(

It sounds like you've answered most of your own questions here. You know what the score is so proceed accordingly.

Get back on the path. We all make mistakes, that's human.

It's been months after my ex and I separated. I no longer cry myself to sleep every night though at times I still feel upset. Have engaged myself into many different activities these day and try new things, but whenever I'm alone, I still think of my ex. Am now most frustrated that I couldn't stay focus at work. Have been very unproductive these days and I hate myself for being so weak. Any suggestions on how to concentrate at work during the break up / recovering process? :confused:

You're coping. Sometimes things won't be so easy. Just accept that days will be difficult and others won't. Aim for the less difficult. Try to eliminate stress and empty time lots by working out, reading and writing in a journal. I find helping others with their short comings is especially helpful and very much a blessing. You'll find lots of people that are in much worse shape than you and suddenly, life doesn't seem so bad.

Yeah, whenever I have a bad day I think to myself "well, it could be worse.." and then name something that I know someone else is going through! Focus on the positives in your life! I've found that if I'm well rested I generally have a better day, so try to get enough sleep.

Yea, perhaps I lack sleep these days. Family and work made me really stressed out. And weirdly, under these circumstances, I couldn't help myself from thinking about my ex. Really miss the good times we have. But also feel very soar remembering how he hurt me and is now with someone else. Really hate to see myself stuck at this stage.

You will get through it! I promise things will start to feel better. Try to catch up on your lost sleep. Treat yourself to at least 1 thing each day that makes you feel good. You deserve someone who treats you well and doesn't hurt you! Hang in there!

Your login name is interesting... Origins. It's the point where something begins.
So, begin again. Chances are, you will have many new beginnings, some better than others. One thing is sure, as long as you keep reminiscing about your past, the good and the bad, you will stay there, in the past. That's no place for a new beginning.

Hi guys, as some of you may know, my ex of 5 years broke up with me months ago and managed to stay no contacts for some time now. Though at times I still think about him, I begin to realize maybe I just miss being in a relationship, miss the intimacy, miss having someone there to share my thoughts and feelings with. Perhaps knowing that my ex is already seeing someone makes me feel very soar.

Have tried to hang out with my friends more, but many of them have their other halves, some are even married. I love spending time with them but for some reason I enjoy myself more with friends who are still single, and there aren't too many left. Am now 27 and I start to fear of staying single forever. Is this a normal feeling result after a break up? I actually lost the urget to meet people anymore. Worst is, I couldn't help myself from reminiscing the past with my ex. I don't like these feelings but don't know how to cope with them. Can time really heal? :(

I don't think your ready yet to start dating. You have to many confusing emotions and it's not fair for someone else if your still thinking about your ex. Your still in the stages of emotional recovery so give yourself some credit and some time to work through it. At the age of 27 you still have another 60 to 75 years of life, if not longer by the way medical technology is going, so don't rush yourself into something that will bring you back or stall your emotional healing progress.

Do you have a gym membership? If not get one, loads of single people there and it's a great confidence boost and makes you feel great.

Why not try some new hobbies/sports/classes. Get out there!

Its natural to miss those feelings, but as chuff said,
At the age of 27 you still have another 60 to 75 years of life so don't rush yourself into something that will bring you back or stall your emotional healing progress.

<<Have tried to hang out with my friends more, but many of them have their other halves, some are even married. I love spending time with them but for some reason I enjoy myself more with friends who are still single, and there aren't too many left. Am now 27 and I start to fear of staying single forever. Is this a normal feeling result after a break up? I actually lost the urget to meet people anymore.>>

I know this feel very well origins... after the devastating loss of a relationship especially aftEr 5 years , next comes the pain of not having many people left to do things with.

Ive felt the same.. most friends are married or with babies, and it was a shock and wake up call for me.You cannot talk to the mutual friends, you don't have many single friends, all my male friends also became his friends and my single female friends all got married. My friends from youth are in other countries.

I became a hermit for about 4 months after the breakup, its good to be alone and deal with what went wrong.

Recently I've met new people and started to have fun but this took a long time.

Good luck and hang in there, it takes time... but you will feel much stronger eventually... At 27 you are sooooo young! Im only meeting people of 27 or younger these days I fel so old, I don't know where people in the 30s are anymore...

I think everyone needs to go through the devastating loss of a breakup to really wake up and face reality.It reminds you to constantly have a "single" , independent life of your own even while in a relationship.

Time really does heal..

Hi origins.
Yes try and rebuild yourself... do volunteer work, do artistic classes, new stuff...
And remember this lesson for all future relationships... never to lose yourself again.

The challenge you have before you is building a life that makes you happy. The key is to learn to make yourself happy, with people that you enjoy. Those nagging memories come and go as do the feelings, that's why its so important to get busy with you and the things you like to do.

Time heals only if you do the healing things in it. Otherwise its just time passing. You have lots of good suggestions here that I would only add this to it. That fear of yours about being single forever for one--- that needs to be dismantled before it grows into something desperate and bad. You need to ask yourself if you spent your entire life single, would it be possible to be happy anyway and able to answer YES! And then begin to do those things that creates that happy life. And the really funny thing here is once you create that happy life, you will attract a different crowd of people. And out of that different crowd of people may come someone interesting. It really does work this way. Besides you (and all of us frankly) don't know what happens tomorrow so its best not to look too far down the road with any certainty.

In order to change your world, you must be willing to change you. Your next partner is not going to be willing to do what your old partner did for you, nor should you ask that of them. That's because you all are growing up and realizing this amazing thing: your life -- its up to you!

Totally agree with rol and talaniman. If you get a true life purpose you can finally find yourself. I was reading in one book how a women who was once so dedicated to her lover that their relationship ended, the whole co-dependency thing.

She found her true passion in mountain climbing, at the top of the mountain she was at total peace with herself. Her new boyfriend in fact got increasingly irritated because she would not sacrifice her passion for him. The point is, find something you truly love and work on it!

Despite many times I have told him to stop contacting me, my ex of 5 years continue to call me about every 2 weeks to check on me. Few days ago he called again, asking how I am doing and wonder if I'm seeing anyone. I insisted again that I want to be left alone as I'm still hurt as he's seeing someone now soon after he broke up with me. (It hurt so much that I couldn't bear to stay as friends with me. Reason we broke up was because we're on long distance, thousand of kilometers apart.)

He asked me on the phone when can we be friends again. He said he still has feelings for me. He even said he'll break up with his girlfriend now if that is what it takes for me to talk to him again. At the end, I just politely told him to leave me alone.

Am scared to believe his words. Does he still love me? If so, why is he still with someone else?

So I have finally changed my phone number so that he won't be able to contact me anymore. Am scared that I'm unable to move on. Yet, am scared that once the contact is cut, I may regret later if he really wants to get back together.

Can someone tell me if I made the right move?:confused:

I think you have made a good choice : ) you did ask him to leave you alone but he didn't. It isn't fair of him to leave you hanging on, in case things don't work out with the other person. The other thing you could have done was maybe get his number blocked.

If you sincerely want to move on, then yes you have absolutley done the right thing :)
Keep strong.

I have done what you've done several times now and have yet to live to regret it. Staying only buys you more of the same. If you want things to be different then you have to take steps to make them different. I say BRAVO to what you did and it may take a while for you to see how brave and worthwhile it was. Look forward to good things coming! Only look back to gauge how far you've come.

Thanks. It's very strange that I start to miss him a lot today when I went to change my number. For the past weeks I have been doing quite good, haven't thought of him for a while and generally stayed in a happy mood. But today, I feel I still love him and this feeling scares me. The main reason why I changed the number is because I try to limit any chances of speaking to him. Every time I talk to him on the phone, I still feel that there's a connection and just made me miss him more.

Very good! Despite your feelings you had the strength and courage to do what you had to do for YOU. Bravo, Origin, Bravo!!

One question WHY on earth did you keep answering? If you let it go to voice mail and then delete before listening.

BUT, you did the right thing.

He's a complete JERK for keeping on calling if he is seeing someone else AND he broke with you.

What an a-hole - keeps pounding home the hurt.

You should never be friends with jerks like this. He broke but keeps calling?? Stringing you along - your plan B - NO ONE should be plan B.

This is partly your fault for answering - so something isn't right there. But changing the number will help emensly.

Absoultley did right by changing your number and cutting all contact.. Now you will be able to move on in life.. may take time but yes you will get your life back together now.

Remember you are "worth it"!

Thanks gals/ guys for your support! Hope this will finally give myself a new start.

Wildcat, just want to let you know that I don't have caller ids on my phone. Yet I admit that a part of me have been waiting for his calls, hoping that one day he'll call and ask to get back together. But after many disappointments which are mostly my own faults, I have already given up hopes on him.

Have just signed up some interest short courses today to keep myself occupied. Hope things will be better tmr! :D

Well, I did what you did 3 months ago, 3 months after my breakup where my ex of 3 years left me (Gosh, I noticed a lot of 3s there.. LOL). Did it help, well, to be quite honest... YES

It allowed me to make further progress, a further step to moving on. Of course, she still knows where I live and has my e-mail address if she really wanted to contact me but for me it helped, it stopped me wondering if that phone would ring because the number was changed and so that was not possible. It was kind of a positive psychological step forward so to speak. I think you did the right thing, it is not right for him to expect you to be Plan B which is exactly where he wants you. That makes him a bad person in my opinion and I am sure others would agree too.

I particularly agree with Val's response above and believe that you will come to realise the logic to what you have done and are unlikely to regret it.

Maybe this will wake him up to smell the coffee beans.

Thanks Geoff! Yes, I felt the change of number was done more for myself than to block him out. I felt weak for the past months, always checking my phone to see if I have any missed calls and yet am feared of getting disappointment. I have drove myself nuts! Again, thanks for the support.

See this is where the wheels have changed direction because now you have control and power whereas before you had less control..

That's a major step forward even if it does not seem so right now.

See, the strangely interesting thing is even though you've been left, you have to leave too! And changing numbers, deleting email addresses, putting away photos, etc. all serve as affirmations that you have also left-- that the rejection is in fact mutual now. Once you leave too some amazing healing begins and you begin to see the madness of continuing to want someone who doesn't want you or who treats you as a second class citizen. You leaving is a very very important step toward recovery.

Agree with everything here. I blocked my EX on MSN, deleted her no, stored it on work comp just in case. She can contact me if she needs to and I can for her, but there is no reminders of her anywhere. So much easier :)

Even if you wanted to move on, you really couldn't. He was still there.

Its absolutely better this way. Really, really, really.

You are going to wonder, in a month or two, why you didn't do this much sooner.

He WANTS you to hang on. It's a self-esteem booster to think your ex might be pining for you. Guess whose self-esteem gets booted down in the process?

If he had any noble intentions he would have done something long ago. Don't fall for any sob stories now. Won't be surprised if he tried some way to contact you again. He thought he still had you and it'll be a shock to him. He has been playing games, intentionally or not. Game's up.

Right move for you. Period.

You made the right move. No contact means just that ; absolutely no contact at all. If it took changing your number for him to get the message then so be it.

I know oyu want him to call and get back together. But it rarely happoens - why be plan B??

Why would you wANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THIS?

You're very right, Wildcat! A part of me still dreams that he'll call, tells me he still loves me and get back together! Yet, I also know this is only a wishful thinking and very silly of me to even dream of it. I also did ask myself if he does ask me back, what will I do? I know I should say NO as I can't believe his words anymore. Every time he calls, he tells me he still has strong feelings for me and yet he's still seeing someone else. This is why I changed my number because I don't want to let myself to keep checking if I have missed his calls and to give myself false hopes.

Thanks guys for your support and reassurance. I think I did the right thing and hopefully I can move on from this feeling soon. =)

You're very right, Wildcat! A part of me still dreams that he'll call, tells me he still loves me and get back together! Yet, I also know this is only a wishful thinking and very silly of me to even dream of it. I also did ask myself if he do ask me back, what will I do? I know I should say NO as I can't believe his words anymore. Everytime he calls, he tells me he still has strong feelings for me and yet he's still seeing someone else. This is why I changed my number because I don't want to let myself to keep checking if I have missed his calls and to give myself false hopes.

Thanks guys for your support and reassurance. I think I did the right thing and hopefully I can move on from this feeling soon. =)
You are no longer feeding the fairytale you two were co-authoring. You pulled the plug on your end of it. Good for you! Dreams are for when our eyes are closed. Reality is where its at and you are working your way back there nicely. Bravo, honey, Bravo! :)

You don't want guys like this calling your anyway. He's stringing your along... waiting to see how things go with the current gal.

What a jerk.

No you don't take guys like this back ever.

GOD I hope he tried to call you!! Love to see the look on his face!! The woman he thought he had this power over - actually has a spine is cutting him out of her life FOR GOOD!! Way to go!! Way to be so brave!!

I reckon you made the right move!

I was in the same situation in which he left me after 8yrs relationship with a reason we didn't click anymore, but on the other hand, he was seeing someone else 6 months before he dump me.. I was so devastated and down and took me at least a year to recover from everything... he contact me, asking how am I doing?Seeing someone else? He still have feelings towards me.. and all those bla bla crap... and I decided to make a move that CHANGED my no. so that he won't ever contact me anymore...

Good question, if the guy still love us very much, why the hell they are still with the other girl? Don't you think that they have to think wisely before saying it out.. but I tell you what, you have nothing to lose, in fact SAD and PITY to the other girl in which the guy still trying to contact their EX-gf behind the girl,hence I don't think the guy LOVES the new girl as THEY did to the old girl :)

Hi, for those of you who have follow my threads, I'm now in the process of moving on from my ex whom I started dating with since undergrad.

Was just reading the alumni news and learned that there will be a major change in the campus of my old uni this coming summer. The student center will be demolished and replaced with a new building. I suddenly feel quite sad learning this, especially because it brought up so many good memories I had with my ex. We spent so much time there, studied together, numerous chats at the coffee house, and so on.

I don't know why I suddenly feel this way. It seems that any small or big changes in my life have become very difficult to cope with and upset me. Have I become too weak or too emotional as a result of the break up? Is this normal?

I would not call it becoming too weak. You could be suffering from some mild depression - that can leave one feeling emotional and unable to get past certain events. Have you talked to your doctor about how you feel? Realize that is normal to feel some sadness but if that sadness is blocking your emotional health, then perhaps you should see your doctor and get some help. Good luck.

Normal.

Human nature.

I dated a girl through HS, colllege and after. Hige breakup. There were places we frequented that I still tie to her. Even though I am a dozen years removed from this relationship and happily married for seven... I still think of her when I go to particular chinese food place in town and when it was going to maybe close I felt sad.

Normal. Normal. Normal.

It'll also pass to some degree in time. Really.

I'm going to turn my Dr. Phil on here but I thinkt the tearing down of the building maybe representative of the relationship finally coming to an end in your mind. Perhaps you consciously knew that the relationship was over but on a sub-conscious level you had not accepted it and the building coming down finally triggered the reality in the sub-conscious.

In all though I'd say it's normal. Although this isn't exactly the same thing, I recently visited the town in Minnesota I grew up in until I was 14 years old. We then moved to Michigan and the move was difficult on me and I was never really the same. I had actually long since forgot about that town but just going back there this past November, I've had a lot of memories pop up since then. I have no doubt it's related to that visit, but something that was emotional can be triggered by various things and I think the building coming down did just that. In time I'm sure it will pass, just stay positive and forward moving.

Hi guys, am just writing to vent. Have been thinking a lot about my ex these days. Haven't thought of him for awhile. NC has continued for almost 1 and a half month now, ever since I changed my mobile number. But it'll be my and his birthday in few days time (our birthdays are only few days apart), and I suddenly miss him so much. We used to celebrate together. Now, I couldn't help thinking that I'm still alone while he now has someone celebrating his birthday with him. I know I shouldn't feel so bitter and this is very unhealthy. Have been trying to keep myself busy these few days but it's just so hard? It's been almost half a year since we broke up and am frustrated that he's still on my mind :mad:

Always give yourself credit for being so strong ;)

Wish I can be more stronger. I really want to know how long it takes to get over with a 5 yrs relationship.

I have been having the urge to call him and I know it's a BIG MISTAKE if I do it.

There is no set time.
5 years is a long time. You have been pretty well, so just going that way :)

Don't call, unless he calls, you got dumped. He knows its your birthday, if he gives a shout out respond. As far as a five year relationship, that's probably going to take awhile. Be good to yourself!

Concerning some of my ex's, I still remember and think about their birthdays and the good times beyond those. And, I'm talking about women that I was together with as far back as twenty, thirty years ago. It's okay to remember good things, but not to feel sorry for yourself that those things that you hoped for never came to be. Some things are just not meant to be. Remember that there are lots of fish in the sea - many others who like the same things that you do and who would like to share their lives and be with you.

You'll get over it. Just please give it some time.

It is good that you are keeping yourself busy.

I have many woes in my own life. If I don't get out and do things then I tend to feel sorry for myself and just mull them over and over. There is a dance band with whom I play the piano. Sometimes our gigs are several hundred miles away from where I live. When I play with them, I am so much at peace. And, I really forget all about my woes because they are such a great group of people to be with and we are all aiming for the same goal, which is to entertain people.

By doing something with a group of people that you like and for a common purpose, it helps to clear you head so that you are better equipped and able to tackle the things that are bringing you down.

It is about making a choice...

No sense being down in the dumps when you don't have to. :)

Hey! A birthday at anytime is cause for a celebration! How about inviting some friends and people you know over for a party! Doesn't have to mean a lot of preparation. Getting ready for and doing something like that should help to take your mind off things.

I wish you well! Time does help to heal things like this.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for venting! I just did to, but in a different way. We all need to do that once in a while. Nice to be able to share with other people.

Not sure if anyone can help me analyze my dreams or I simply need to seek therapy from professionals. For those who followed my threads, it's been almost half a year my ex of five years broke up with me and started seeing someone else. The process of recovering is difficult, but am trying hard to move on. Since I have changed my phone numbers two months ago and stayed NC, I felt a little better.

However, recently I have been having the same dreams - dreamt my ex and his new girlfriend. It's really annoying. I don't know his new girlfriend. Perhaps because my ex had been swining back and forth between me and his new girl, and kept telling me how she was was jealous of me. I really hate thinking that my ex is now with someone else but I couldn't help from dreaming about my ex and his new relationship. Why am I driving myself nuts? Do I need therapy? :confused:

Dreams frequently are a way that our minds sort through and deal with the situations and problems that we are having while we are awake.

Being formally close to someone and dreaming about them and what is happening to them is normal.

You don't need to see a therapist unless you are obsessing about the situation and dreams so much that the obsession is keeping you from functioning productively in your day to day life.

Also, dreams can be really weird at times if something has been stressing us out. This also is quite normal.

I believe you do not need thepey however you still have a soft corner for your Ex boyfriend and you keep imagining how his life would be without you.The more we think about something through out the day is what we see in our dreams.you should either divert your thoughts or patch up with your ex and start a new life.

I believe you do not need thepey however you still have a soft corner for your Ex bf and you keep imagining how his life would be without you.The more we think about something through out the day is what we see in our dreams.you should either divert your thoughts or patch up with ur ex and start a new life.

Yes, I admit at times I still wonder if my ex would think of me. The last thing he said to me was that he doesn't want me to be out of his life and he would break up with the girl if that is what it takes for me to stay friends with him. I was scared to believe his words and that's the reason why I cut all contacts. I do wonder at times whether I made the right move.

Since then, I have been finding and trying all means to move on. Am still quite hurt from the break up. I have done NC, kept myself busy with work and new activities, and even reasoned out why the relationship end and convinced myself that I should forgive my ex and move on. Today I realize perhaps the best thing to do is to do nothing, and let things flow naturally.

Sorry to those who have read my stories millions of times. I am starting to get tired of myself of not be able to move on completely.

Hi there Origins,
I think it really takes at least a year.I am a year now and I feel so much better. 6 months is a short time, don't beat yourself up about it, you have been very strong and are doing very well. Try and start doing new things so that you don't have so much time to think.. and read a book before bed, that should help to stop those dreams.

Hang in there, time really helps.

Thanks rol! Am trying my best to move on. Have been giving further thoughts and believe perhaps I am somewhat jealous that my ex has moved on so quickly after breaking up with me and is now a new relationship whilst I am still alone. I just can't push myself into liking other people.I have fun going on dates but it's completely different than how it felt with my ex. Am scared that I will be alone forever and perhaps that's why I started dreaming about my ex again these days. Anyhow, I just hope I can get over this soon.

Not sure whether it's just a coincidence or something else. My ex emailed me yesterday. I haven't heard from him for more than 2 months, ever since I changed my number. He just dropped a line to see how I'm doing. He sounds quite formal and distant in the email. I admit I am somewhat happy to know that he still cares to write to me, but I am hesitating whether I should reply. I am not yet over him and the fact that he sounds like a stranger to me feels weird. I feel I no longer know this person. What should I do!

I actually thought about his parents these days because they're very nice to me and his father was ill. Thought of dropping a line to see how they're doing, but because I didn't want to stir up things with my ex, that's why I hesitated. What should I do?

If you are not yet in an emotional place to be in contact with him delete and ignore, otherwise reply in the same manner he sent you, but I think delete could the better option.

Thanks rol! I replied his email today. Kept it brief and asked about his parents. He told me that they're doing good. He then asked me about my community service trip in Thailand. I had a good time and learned so much. I had the urge to share my wonderful experience with him in the email, as that's what I always do in the past, but I hesitated and did not reply. I guess you're right, I'm better off to just delete the email in the first place. It still bites when I still want to share my life with this person who is no longer the same.

Yeah don't bother replying origins.
Guess he is young and enjoying his youth and not ready to settle down.

You just take care of yourself, its great you are getting out and doing such things as community service, I'm sure such things will help you a lot.

rol, you're right. I should have just deleted his email in tehe first place. After my last brief reply, he never wrote back. I start to wonder if he emailed me just to check if I'm still around or whether I will continue no contact with him . I felt stupid to have replied.

Oh well, I guess it's a little set back.

:confused: Hi... I haven't posted for awhile. To recap my story - ex of 5 yrs broke up with me last November and he soon was seeing another girl. We're physically miles apart during the past 3 years and that's the part of the reason of the breakup. I love him a lot and he was my best friend for years before we dated.

I was very heart broken. But after we broke up and he started seeing someone else, he still calls me from time to time, telling me how much he misses me and that his girlfriend is really jealous of me. He even said he'll want to marry me ultimately and his girlfriend knows about it. I couldn't believe his words and to give myself peace of mind, I cut contact few months ago by changing my mobile number.

Recently he tried all means to reach me, called my office, etc. I had a chat with him. He told me he wants me back. He told that his current girlfriend is very opposite from me and has qualities that he has asked for, but it's not me and that he still misses me a lot. Yet, he is still seeing the girl while asking me to get back together with him. His reason was that he needs time to deal with his own things. I'm very confused and scared to believe his words.

Before he contacted me, I thought I was over him and I actually began to fall in love with a good friend of mine. Perhaps it's all about timing. Things didn't quite work out with my good friend and now my ex is back. What should I do? Deep inside I still love my ex but am scared to get hurt again. Should I give my ex a chance? Or is he just bull shxting me again?

He is just bullting you again. I dated a guy for 2 years and he constantly cheated on me, he has a new girlfriend who is pregnant with his kis( he got her pregnant while dating me, the reason we broke up for good) its better to just move on. If he hurt you once he WILL do it again. I know from experience. Just move on.

Sounds like he is bullsh1ting you to me. I don't see why things would work out this time if they had failed previously.

I think he likes knowing that he has you to fall back on if things don't work with his new girlfriend.

He doesn't sound like very good relationship material to me. Too much confusion and crap involved for me.

I think you'd be best off worrying about yourself and leaving him to deal with his new girlfriend. Do you really need more heartache?

I could rationalize why I stay away from him, yet a part of me still wouldn't let go. Am scared I might have misunderstood him by any chance.

Origins , I agree with Skell.

He's still dating the other girl and asking you back? Please...

Its most probably because you have pulled away he feels he needs you back,
If he truly loved you he would never have left in the first place.

Agree with all above comments. Don't go back! Go forward!

Whether he is true or not is irrelevant. He has a child, and a life with out you he must tend to. Why go back? You never know what is for YOU in life, if you want it. Forget the past, and move on to your own life, and happiness.

Don't go back. Move forward, you will find a guy who won't leave will want to stay and how unhealthy wanting you while he still has a girlfriend. Don't you think he will do this to you again one day. HE Definitely WILL... When he gets sick of you...

If he truly loved you he would have dumped the girl he is with now and beg for you back. This guy is full of crap. DO NOT FALL FOR HIS GAMES?

He is only using you as a safety net. My ex did it all the time, we dated a total of nine times, on the ninth time I realized that it was just going to keep happening. Trust me deary, I just think I should pass on my wisdom.

My ex would give me the best things in the entire world and cared a lot about me. Perhaps it's hard to accept the fact that things are not the same anymore. I loved him and trusted him. I have reasoned myself why I should avoid him and yet it's so hard to let him go. I know my heart will melt if I talk to him again. I wish I can be stronger.

In any case, thanks guys for your support and advice!