Hi, I came across this forum as I've been surfing the web, since I can't sleep. Since the past two weeks I've been having so many problems with my long-term boyfriend. I want to explain the story of what's been happening and try to be fully honest here and see if I can come to any resolution, and get some help and insight.
This all started around two weeks ago. I was feeling very sick and stressed/frustrated. Over chat I started venting to him about how I felt no matter how hard I tried to take care of myself I kept getting sick. I could tell he didn't know exactly how to respond because he kept saying I love you without giving a real answer, or something. I didn't really desire him to solve my issue I guess I was just thoughtlessly venting to him. That evening I didn't get a phone call or anything from him. I texted him to find out he is at his friend's watching TV. Well, I guess I felt a little bit pissy as a result and sent a couple angry messages - I said do you know what love is? It's when someone else's happiness is as important as your own. And I also said I was wondering why he didn't follow up after I said I was sick. I know it was very stupid. The next day he texted and also said in a voicemail that he had enough of me and he was giving up on me. I don't actually remember the details of what he said. For the next couple days after that, he didn't really speak much to me. It seemed like one little conflict kept growing and growing into new things to the point that we had a lot of hurt and anger go back and forth between us. I said some mean things to him, was cold and ignored him (but my real intention was to give him space). I was angry because he had been cold to me for two days and the things he said.
Things just went from bad to worse between us. At some point in the past two weeks I told him how much I cared about him and I didn't know if he was going through stress but to open to me about it and trust me with his issues if he had them. I told him I supported him and I was there for him. Well it seemed like he was warming up to me a little bit more. Things were not good but they were getting a little bit better. But it has just become a habit that every couple of days things mess up again. This last time was last Thursday evening when I got very angry - the night before we spoke on te phone and he said things between us were okay but not good and he said other things I couldn't hear, then I got disconnected - I called back a bunch of times because I felt anxious, and he didn't pick up, so I was angry over that. He called me crazy and psycho for calling so much. I lost it and said because he wasn't breaking up with me that I would do it. He said good riddance and it was for the best. This led to me trying all of Thursday to talk to him, saying I was sorry and didn't mean it and trying to explain why I felt so sad and frustrated over everything happening between us. He barely spoke to me but said to stop it and he was giving up. I didn't try after that. Last night I texted him that I missed him and he said I miss you too. Then I followed up saying to take as much time and space as he needed and that I was here for him always.
So that is what happened with the past two weeks. Some background information. We are both 24 - I am 24 now and his birthday is coming up soon so he is turning 24, too. We have been together for about 4 years now. We've been long distance since last January when I moved back home 7 hours away from where he still currently goes to college (where we met). He is supposed to graduate in a few months and move back home, his family lives around me (about 20 miles).
We've had rocky times together in the four years but when we resolved conflicts we always gave each other a fresh slate and tried to move forward. During the four years he also cheated on me once. He didn't open up to me, I found out about it. After that we tried hard to work on rebuilding our trust. After I found out I wanted to leave him because I wasn't sure he could handle regaining my trust and that it was easier to leave, but he begged me to stay and not leave over a mistake, so I did stay eventually. We had some issues after that. I would get angry and call a lot and he would be distant. I felt angry that he tricked me, somehow, into staying with him when I wanted so badly to leave. I have been working through those issues and I do have more trust in him now than I did before. I figure people are young and stupid and make mistakes. Besides, he reaffirmed his commitment to me a number of times.
We'd met each other's family members and everyone knew how serious we were together. Last year around May he even asked me to marry him (over email lol) and I had said yes. Although it wasn't a formal engagement we both strongly felt committed to one another.
During the past year I feel we have just been growing farther and farther apart. He's also suffered from depression issues from being in school and missing home and I have tried to be there, but I started a graduate school program around the same time and could not be there so much. He had some insecurites about it, I think. I tried to visit him a couple of times to help him. The last time I visited it seemed our problems never ended. We had so many shouting matches.
I don't know what to do anymore, or think anymore. I feel that we have finally grown apart and he just doesn't love me the same. He has effectively given up on us and trying to make anything work. He has stopped contacting me and even when he called and we talked we talked about superficial things, not about our problems. I've been trying to get him to talk to me about problems we had from 2-3 months past (when I visited him) and he has kept evading me, even to the point of not seeing me much when he was home for one month. Yet I haven't gotten the sense that he has just fully given up until this past few weeks.
I have been trying to not have contact with him - well, I've been trying and I keep breaking it - but I really need to somehow let him go and be free to decide if he really wants to be with me after all, or not. I just feel so sad and hurt because I've been committed to him always in my heart but it doesn't seem to go the other way...

Unfortunately, that's generally what happens with long distance relationships. You've been together for 4 years, so it's natural to feel a little lost without the other person, but it does go away . I was in a relationship for several years that ended, and when it did, it took a good while to not miss my ex. In a relationship as long as yours, it's not just a boyfriend-girlfriend sort a deal, it's like breaking up with your best friend, which a lot of the time, is the hardest part. This is also why it's wise to have good friends outside of your relationship. :-) I'm not going to tell you to break up with your boyfriend, or to stay with him, but I think if you're honest with yourself, you've already made that decision. Good Luck!

I can see you believe in communicating problems as you see them and can be quite emotional about it. That's no fun to most simple guys who hate to argue, and talk about problems. You also seem unwilling, as does he to back down and simply calm down and start again a notch less emotional, or persistent.

Back off and let this go for a while because you are overwhelming and I think you would get better results if you didn't push so hard, or often. Yes you are pulling apart, so give him, and you some time, and space to evaluate yourselves, and where you want to go.

And for gosh sakes, stop assuming, and presuming he can read your mind, and understand your feelings. Leave him alone to contact you, and if it takes a while so be it.

Sorry to hear you and your boyfriend are having problems. The early to mid 20's can be tough on the BRAIN, especially around 23 years old. From experience, I know that 23 was the hardest year of my life. I went through a lot of emotional changes and growing experiences.

I wasn't in a Long Distance Relationship, but was in a relationship with similar issues. The result was that we both moved on.

There are a few key points of your write-up that stand out to me: "Cheated" + "Proposed by Email" <---Both very immature.

If I were you, I would think about whether the relationship is worth holding on to. Write down the Pros and Cons and see which list is longer. From what I read, the Cons list will be pretty long.