mechanicaleden
Sep 5, 2004, 01:42 PM
Lucy,
Don't be afraid to tell your friends how you feel! Honestly, I go through the same thing with my friends (in terms of them always needing advice/comfort/self esteem boosting/whatever), and at first it might feel odd to turn the tables... but if they are really your friends, they should be more than happy to help you out with your troubles, too. I'm sure they are appreciative of your help in the past, and may be looking for a chance to return the favor... friendship needs to swing both ways. However, if they seem like they don't care after a few repeated attempts to talk about YOUR life (at a good time, not when they're busy or stressed or upset), you might want to question your friendships with them. It can be so frustrating and overwhelming to always be the therapist and never get anything in return... and I completely understand your feelings of unfairness and perhaps even resentment. If your friends aren't willing to help you out, I would bring this up with them... but it may just be that you haven't really ever asked.
Also, in terms of guys... try to see if your friends can introduce you to some, since they seem to know plenty. If they don't, for whatever reason... don't just wait patiently... get out there and take the initiative, as scary as it may seem. Most guys would love for a girl to ask them out... there are more than you would expect that are just shy or afraid of rejection. Plenty of times, I've made the first move and heard later from them how relieved they were not to have to do it themselves. Waiting for the right guy to turn up often isn't enough... there needs to be some effort on your part, too. I'm not saying to go crazy and stalk somebody, but saying Hi or asking someone out if you feel like it might work isn't unreasonable.
Good luck!
Don't be afraid to tell your friends how you feel! Honestly, I go through the same thing with my friends (in terms of them always needing advice/comfort/self esteem boosting/whatever), and at first it might feel odd to turn the tables... but if they are really your friends, they should be more than happy to help you out with your troubles, too. I'm sure they are appreciative of your help in the past, and may be looking for a chance to return the favor... friendship needs to swing both ways. However, if they seem like they don't care after a few repeated attempts to talk about YOUR life (at a good time, not when they're busy or stressed or upset), you might want to question your friendships with them. It can be so frustrating and overwhelming to always be the therapist and never get anything in return... and I completely understand your feelings of unfairness and perhaps even resentment. If your friends aren't willing to help you out, I would bring this up with them... but it may just be that you haven't really ever asked.
Also, in terms of guys... try to see if your friends can introduce you to some, since they seem to know plenty. If they don't, for whatever reason... don't just wait patiently... get out there and take the initiative, as scary as it may seem. Most guys would love for a girl to ask them out... there are more than you would expect that are just shy or afraid of rejection. Plenty of times, I've made the first move and heard later from them how relieved they were not to have to do it themselves. Waiting for the right guy to turn up often isn't enough... there needs to be some effort on your part, too. I'm not saying to go crazy and stalk somebody, but saying Hi or asking someone out if you feel like it might work isn't unreasonable.
Good luck!