chanelglitter
Feb 28, 2011, 05:02 PM
I'm just starting my 2nd year doing a BHSc Occupational Therapy degree and I absolutely hate it. I don't want to be an o.t. The only reason I started the degree is because my parents are both professionals (clinical psychologist, GP) and both acted really passive/aggressively dissapointed in me when I first said I didn't know what to do at college and decided to just work for a while instead. So I jumped in and it was a huge mistake.
I feel stuck and trapped, if I say I want out I already have $13,000 of a student loan to pay back, and no plans whatsoever for a future. I just don't know what I want to be, I have no idea. I will disappoint them a lot if I say I want to drop out, and I will be seen as a failure by everyone around me.
I already have suffered/am still in the process of recovery from anorexia nervosa, depression, sleeping disorder, possible BPD (too young to be oficially diagnosed with a personality disorder apparently), but I do present myself very well. People who don't know me wouldn't have a clue about any of the things I battle in my head each day.
What am I supposed to do? Disappoint my parents or continue this degree hating my life more each day? I feel myself slipping into my old ways. I want to make myself sick so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I have nobody to talk to (only live with my mum, she's working 24/7, no siblings, no friends). Please help me make a decision.
I feel stuck and trapped, if I say I want out I already have $13,000 of a student loan to pay back, and no plans whatsoever for a future. I just don't know what I want to be, I have no idea. I will disappoint them a lot if I say I want to drop out, and I will be seen as a failure by everyone around me.
I already have suffered/am still in the process of recovery from anorexia nervosa, depression, sleeping disorder, possible BPD (too young to be oficially diagnosed with a personality disorder apparently), but I do present myself very well. People who don't know me wouldn't have a clue about any of the things I battle in my head each day.
What am I supposed to do? Disappoint my parents or continue this degree hating my life more each day? I feel myself slipping into my old ways. I want to make myself sick so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I have nobody to talk to (only live with my mum, she's working 24/7, no siblings, no friends). Please help me make a decision.