All right guys this one is a little long, but please read it and give me you're thoughts on what I should do.

All right so, from what I remember I was always outgoing, happy, fit and healthy, and had lots of energy. I exercised when no-one told me, this was in grade 4-7. I jogged almost all the time and had a lots of hot girls who I hung out with sometimes, when I first talked to new girls I was kind of slow but I got into a rhythm and would make them laugh and ****, life was good.

Since last year in grade eight, I have been feeling exhausted with no energy, tired, nervous and anxious, can't talk to many girls anymore, and started to feel sad a lot of the time, I got 2 girlfriend's but felt I couldn't act myself around them, nor make them laugh, and just was so serous all the time and couldn't be mellow and chill and get into that rhythm again :(. So I broke it off with both of them cause I just couldn't handle it right now.

I also had HUGE, really bad anxiety/panic attacks when I got called on to read out something to the class when I never got them before in grade 7. I was just feeling really insecure and depressed about how the way things have been going, I've kind of been feeling worthless and insecure when I'm in public now.

May I let you guys now that before all of this, I went over to my sisters house one night with a friend and was very curious about weed and I knew she smoked it so I asked if I could try some. Really intense experience, I just went out of it everything felt like a dream and it lasted 45 minutes but what felt like 3 minutes. So anyway I keep't smoking every odd time. I feel that right there was the cracking point, I started to become interested in doing something else like magic mushrooms and just really ****ed up and I just wasn't myself. I was peer pressuring some of my other friends to try it, but some of my friends did do it with me.

I stopped exercising, jogging, eating healthy, talking to different people and girls, staying in a lot on my computer, and I stopped going to school at the last month of school due to being afraid of having another anxiety/panic attack and just didn't want to be in a social situation because I was really insecure and uncomfortable with being in a social situation. Later we go to the doctor, and my family has a history of being bipolar and I was diagnosed with bipolar, ****. Right then and there, just realized that my life has ****ed up big time, went from being outgoing, lots of friends, popular, and fit to being insecure, anxiety/panic attack problem, unhealthy, uncomfortable being in a social environment, and having a hard time meeting new people.

Now I'm in grade 9, I was going back to school, hitting pot only a few times every once in awhile (I knew I should have just dropped it), I was making friends and I was on Seroquel XR and just in January, BOOM same **** happens again I had another episode of just hiding away in my house, afraid of going back to school, just being uncomfortable with going back.

I'm getting really fed up with my life and I want to change it, I've decided to move up with my mom who lives in Edmonton, to have some time away from my uncle, grandma, and dad (who are very negative a lot of the time). I feel I need to do this to change to a positive person again, my mom is very happy she's been trying to get me to move with her for a very long time. I'm so fed up I'm having thoughts of trying MDMA (aka Ecstasy) or magic mushrooms because many people say including my sister it changes them into a better person and I feel very, very, very strong about this I just want to have a feel good experience again since I haven't been feeling good for two years but before I do that I'm going to get in shape so I'm healthy.

I know that I will feel like a dirty piece of **** after for awhile, but I want to have some sort of realization that the way I'm living is ****ed up and there is no reason I should be living like this.

What do you guys think on this whole situation, do you think that is an appropriate choice? Oh and I'm also on a different medication called Lamotrigine.

Wow. I say don't do the drugs, cause something bad might happen and it will kill you. Also, just live with your mom because she is positive, and your life will get bettr by then. Go to school and get an education. If not, your life will be more screwed up more then this needs to be.

1. You're 14, watch your language.
2. Drugs are bad.
3. You have negative people in your life that need to be removed or you need to remove yourself.
4. Someone who does drugs to escape or change are those who have no discipline, no self-respect, or self- responsibility. You are resorting to something else to take care of what you need to.

I encourage you to move with your mother. I encourage you to stay in school. I encourage you to get the thought of MDMA out of your head. Marijuana is a gateway drug, the more you do the more you'll want to try others, the more you try those the more you'll want and so on and so forth.

The road you're heading down is just going to make things worse.

P.S. The above poster is the same age as you, take her advice, talk to her about her experiences, use your peers as a database of knowledge. I am older so things are different for me!

Erica0126- I read your other post and I encourage you to try and help Johnny. You both are in similar spots as far as family/friends go.

Thanks guys I've been feeling even more depressed and have developed serious Derealization, and I have a strong urge that I need change so I'm going out tonight and going for a 35 minute jog and I'll be jogging every other night. I'm moving with my mom and I've stayed away from marijuana for 2 or 3 months now. I'll be eating more healthy now also.

Thanks for the advice.