My ex and I were together for 4-years. We had many ups and downs and our break-up was pretty nasty. We have been broken up for 6-7months now. There was never any cheating involved. We were both and still are in different places in life. I am in college and he chooses to stay in the working-class area. Our conflicts were always about jealousy and him being so unhappy with my moving on in the world while he stayed in the same place. Over a petty difference I ended our relationship and weeks later I just wanted to work things out once and for all. He begged to differ and refused it. I was completely devastated by it and I did a lot of pathetic begging, letter writing, etc...

At first we tried to be friends, but I couldn't. Then he said he needed space, but he promised me someday he would come back for me with a ring in his hand. I visited him after 2 months into our break-up and he was completely different. He was so cold and distant it scared me. He said he wasn't really sure if he even loved me anymore. Coming from someone who constantly made sure he knew I loved him to suddenly change his mind threw me off quite a bit. He later confided in me that he was scared of how our relationship would turn out because of me being away for college/grad school so he needed to end things. I was so confused by everything. He said things like you know I can find someone else to come home to etc... and he just wanted us to keep the space between us.

About 4 months after our break-up I started dating someone I was friends with for years. My ex definitely did not like this person from past history, but I dated him because he was familiar. (I recently ended things a few weeks ago because I realized I was just with him for selfish reasons.)

By the 5th month, after our break-up, he randomly called me to talk about a dog we had bought together and how he was sick, but he would keep me updated. I blew up at him a few days later out of built up anger and he told me he never wanted to speak to me again. He told me it would be a very long time until we became friends again and to lose his number. I knew he wouldn't answer my calls so I sent him an apology text message and he never responded.

Well, it is finally the 7th month... In 3 months I will be graduating from college and I may be attending graduate school in another state across the country. I know things are over between us. We both had a lot of maturing and growing up to do and maybe we still even do. I am not certain if we ever will get back together or what will happen..

Mainly I just want to clear the air with him. Possibly get drinks or dinner or something and just talk. Since he hates me I am not even sure about how I am going to do it. I am not even sure when to do it... I will be home for Spring break in 2 weeks... or should I wait until the beginning of Summer.. Or even if I should do it at all. It just gets to me because I don't understand how someone can hate you after so many years of loving you.

There's a lot of emotional feelings between the two of you.
Since the both of you are still moving on, why do you want to stir up those old feelings?

If I was you I would let him be.. stop thinking off him and move on!

But if you think he actually hates you, then you need to wait, since he's probably still pretty emotional at this time. So give him more time.

You never really broke up, you,YOU, kept up the contact in the first few months, when he told you it was over.

No contact, that's what should happen when a relationship is over (barring having children together)... no contact to heal and let the emotional dust settle, no contact to give yourself a chance to move on and away from the relationship.

There is no redemption in seeing or speaking to him again, some hurts never heal completely if you continue contact.

If it was not going to work after 4 years and in the months of contact afterwards, its not going to work now either, you both just keep hurting each other.

Move on for good, break the ties and start no contact.

As you see it's a thin line between love, and hate. You both need sometime to let the emotional dust settle and adjust to being without each other. After so much for 4 years, its going to take a long time for that dust to settle.

Leave him alone, and work on you, just you. You have a lot of rebuilding to do.