This is a bit long winded so bare with me,

I met a girl at work 8 years ago, I instantly liked her but never had much to do with her. She had a boyfriend at the time and I too was with someone.

I moved work about four years ago and that was that.

I recently went to a party where I met her again, we got on like a house on fire. We began dating and all was going very well. We went out for 8 weeks but then she text me saying her ex whom is the father to her daughter had been in touch being horrible which had stirred up some very bad memories. She stated she didn't know what to do about us telling me I was the man of her dreams but she didn't feel she was over her past and all the horrible things he had done. When I pressed to find out what he had done she stated she wasn't ready to tell me. I dread to think what he did but he lets just say is not a nice man and talks to a woman like you would not believe.

We haven't spoken or seen each other now for almost two weeks.

I love her to bits and don't want to just give up, we have so much worth fighting for. We have both with idiots before and now how lucky we are to get on like we do. She states she wants to be over her past and doesn't know if we will be together in the future. The problem is she is so stubborn and puts her guard up due to being abused for years by the ex.

I have sent her flowers to let her know I'm thinking about her and keep in touch every few days via text.

I cannot give up on her I have offered to wait until she has sorted it all out but she doesn't answer this question like she feels she can't ask me to do this.

I know I want her for the rest of my life but I feel she needs a wake up call to realise we are brilliant together I want to help her get over her past.

Im giving serious consideration to turning up at her house and proposing to her, is this a bad idea I know we weren't together long but we have known each other for many years. I'm old enough to know a keeper when I see one.

Answers ASAP please as time is ticking and I need to do something soon as this is driving me mad!!

Thanks

Have you heard from her at all in two weeks? Or are you the only one texting, etc.

Take a step back and think.

She has said she is not over her past,that's vital information for you.

She needs to heal,whatever you feel for her,she does not feel the same way, because she is confused and realises she needs time to heal, give her that time,you need to respect that.

Don't go over there and propose when she has told you she does not know what the future has for both of you, going over there is the actions of a man who is not thinking straight.

You have been in contact, she knows how you feel, so award her the intelligence that she knows!

She is telling you straight, and you are reading too much into it.

Let her heal.

No she has text me with things like "don't think i'm not thinking about you because i am", and "i really hope i'm thinking i'm thinking differently soon"

I'm cynical though and think if I meant so much we should be able to sort it, but then I don't know what he did he really is a horrible idiot.

I'm kind of with you on this. What's so horrible that she can't include you in her efforts to heal? Isn't that what people in love and who are in or want to be in a committed relationship do? -- they put their hearts and minds together to overcome any threats to their relationship, even if those threats are from the past.

Either she's not that into you after all and is stringing you along in case something else doesn't work out (with the ex? "i really hope i'm thinking differently soon" huh? What does THAT mean?), or there's a very lot more to this story than she's telling you.

And maybe I'm just too suspicious.

There seems to be a lot about what you want in this and not much about what she wants or needs. You seem to understand on some level that she needs to heal and let go of her past, but I think you have some idea that it should be on your terms.

You won't let go.
You will wait.
You want to propose when you know she is vulnerable and hurting.
Your clock is ticking.
You are 'being driven mad.'

Do you see how controlling you are starting to sound?

She is the only one who can work through her issues with her past. You can offer support if she wants it, but you cannot make her lean on you. Actually, it would be best for her to stand on her own and work through this on her own. She needs to know that she can rely on herself. She needs to build up her own self-esteem. The best way you can help her is to back off and live your own life.

You can also suggest that she see a counselor and mention support groups for abused women. However, that is the total of what you can do.

You think you know her. You knew her years ago. You don't know who she is today or who she will be after she works through her issues. Don't make decisions about your future based on outdated information.

Take care of yourself and trust her to take care of herself. Your trust in her ability to handle her own demons will mean a lot more than your trying to set the pace at which she should heal.

Thanks for your answers, you've given me some things to think about and yes I think it probably is a stupid idea.

Thanks

If you want to talk it out or need more suggestions/advice, we are still here. All you have to do is keep adding to this thread.

Good luck.