Where do I start...


I am 26 years old and I lost my dad to cancer and a heart attack 3 months ago. I haven't been able to come to terms with it yet and feels like time has stood still and I just haven't spoken to him in a week. It is slowly hitting me though like today when I looked at a photo and realised I will never speak to him, hug him or laugh with him EVER again.

Since dad died everything has gone down hill. People have not been very kind to me when I have needed them the most. I walked away from a very toxic relationship that I had for a year, a friend went mental on me and tried to punch me and then proceeded to call me a lunatic and tell me that all my other friends think the same and I feel like I am losing and probably have lost my best friend. I just don't feel like she has been there for me and she has changed a lot. When she around a certain group of friends she becomes very snobbish and stuck up and lately I just feel like she is very self centered. She has become quite secretive and I guess at this time all I want is for her to ask me how I am or come and visit me, tell me that she is proud of me for trying hard to become a better person giving what I have been through but she is so caught up with her life it is as though I don't know her anymore.

I realised that the relationship I was in was not good for me and I was slowly losing my mind, I do see a pyschologist and in the last 2 weeks I have been happy, doing things for me which I haven't done ever. I have become more confident and happy and started to make different and new friends as well. I am trying very hard to be this happy person and I was doing pretty well until today when I called the friend I was talking about to try and talk to her and ask her if she was OK and I was worried about her, perhaps it didn't come out as I wanted it to but it blew up she got offended and slammed the phone down on me after telling me that I need to go back to my pyschologist because clearly I am not better.

In the time I have needed my friends the most there are probably only a handful that I can count on 1 hand that have been there for me and are truly supportive. That tell me they are proud of me and how strong I am.

There are many days that I am down and despressed I miss my dad like crazy and it feels like I have no one to talk to and tell. I can't talk to my mom as she visiting my sister and I don't want to worry her.

Today it just feels like I want to lock myself away from the world and either not carry on or shut everyone out and start over.

I am the type of person that will drop everything when my friends need me, day or night, I have always put them first, I have always been there when they are sad, or have gone through break ups. But it is sad when the tables turn how little people you can rely on.

I am hurting so much tonight and just don't know what to do with myself. I really just want to cut everyone off (if they especially my best friend hasn't done so already) and walk away.

Please help me

When life throws you lemons?

You can A; make lemonade or B: eat the lemons and become really bitter.

I'm sorry for your loss, the death of a loved one is never easy to understand.

Your grieving, and grief is a very personal thing,it effects people in different ways, the way you deal with it has to be personal to you too.

Its only been 3 months, not long at all, mostly it takes up to a year just to get used to living in a world without that loved one, the second year can be actually harder, from my own experience anyway.

What helped me was to start keeping a journal, I would write in memories, put in pictures, how I was feeling, even writing to the loved one,it was a purging process for me and in time I was able to use the journal for reflection on that time, because it is so so hard.

Your friend may not know how to deal with this situation,so starting an argument may have been her way of coping out.

You still have friends, most people are lucky to count 2 or 3 really good friends.

Talking to your mother about this will help, she knows your pain, she has lost her friend her husband and her soulmate,lean on each other.

Wanting to be on your own sometimes is natural, wanting to shut out the world is a natural reaction too, and healing can take place in that quite, BUT, it is vital and heed me when I say this, you NEED to talk about it,how your feeling, your thoughts, your memories.

Your not alone.

Sometimes when a major tragedy happens, such as the death of a parent, you find out about the strength of relationships, and friendships. It is when you need a friend the most, and need their help getting through a very difficult situation, that you can truly determine what kind of person they are.

To be abandoned by a friend, during a time of need, simply means you now know, they are not the person you thought they were.

That too, is a loss.

You being to realize that loss, when you call them, and they turn the tables on you, making you somehow at fault for needing them, when clearly from your words, you were there for them when they needed you.

Also a loss of a relationship with your (ex) boyfriend.

The losses have hit you hard, and understandably so.

Good for you for getting the help you need to work through to getting back on your feet, and going in new directions. Try not to skip the step where you must also deal with now knowing that it is time to change the type of friends you want in your life. Don't be so eager to let people get too close, and keep observing to see, essentially, who's needs are being met.

While it hurts to see a friends' 'true colours', think of it as a positive thing. You need to know who your friends really are. Most of us have only a handful of people in our lives that we would trust completely. I think that person is someone you have yet to meet.