I have been in a relationship for about 5 weeks. Our relationship moved pretty fast emotionally. To give some background information, my sister is bipolar and now the guy I care about is too. We only met about 6 weeks ago and I figured our relationship moved fast because I was moving 4 weeks after we met.

The second night we were together he told me everything about his past. At least the stuff he could explain. As we started talking more over the phone and I listened to him I realized he was good at talking. He seemed to know exactly what to say to make me feel guilt.

This is my first real relationship. Since I've moved we've talked on the phone around 2 hours every night. And things were great the first week I was here. I felt so comfortable around him back in detroit.

Well a few weeks before we went out with my cousin and he asked about some legal issues because she's an attorney. She mentioned something to her dad about it. Last Sunday my mom hands me a stack of papers with information about my boyfriends past. Most of it was stuff he told me. However there was a fee found in his papers for a woman's abuse shelter. When I confronted him about this he said he knew nothing about it. He has no clue and he can't explain it. After talking for over 2 hours I eventually had to hang up because he wouldn't get off the phone for us to think.

He called back about an hour later and said, "the water looks nice". This statement freaked me out. He did not explain what he meant, but I knew exactly what he was thinking and he confirmed it the next day. He was going to jump into a lake. I felt he did this to manipulate me into staying with him. At the time it worked.

The next day I talked to my parents and they said they felt sorry that I was in love with someone who is bipolar with everything I've seen from my sister. The thing is I know I love him like I love my friends but I don't think I'm in love with him. He said my reactions before I left said otherwise. We didn't have sex but we did get intimate.

I thought about what my rents said and came to the conclusion I needed to take a step back from the relationship and just try to remain friends. He can't understand where I am coming from and he won't really listen to me. When we talk he seems to turn everything around on me. I end up feeling guilty after our convo's. He says I don't know what I've put him through the past 5 days and I have to listen to my heart and not my head.

Meanwhile the reason I moved is because my mother is going through a life or death situation and she is getting help at this hospital. He used to be a nurse and says I need him to use as a tool because he knows what its like to help people under life or death situations. Right now I feel like the total bad guy. He agreed last night to being friends and he says the only reason he's agreeing to it is because he knows I love him and he is deeply in love with me. And he says in his past relationships he has always easily forgiven and that's a flaw of his.

I know I've jumped around a lot in this letter but I am just so confused. I did not appreciate our conversation. Last night and I feel like he is playing head games with me. However when I try to verbalize my feelings he turns it around and I loose track of what I need to say. I guess I need to break it off with him but I don't know how. I don't want to hurt him although I already have. I need advice on all aspects of this as I am losing my confidence and my voice over this guy.

The only advice i can give you is this: your happiness is more important then his, and your mother is more important then him, she is in the hospital with dr's and nurses you don't need him (he used to be a nurse and says i need him to use as a tool because he knows what its like to help people under life or death situations.) i do completely uderstand that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but.. how is he making you feel? Is there any regard for your feelings... you said it yourself he turns everything around on you, so no, there is not. You already know what you want and what you need, so.. if only being friends seems like the best thing for you make sure you stick to it. Also, like i said, if your mother is sick in the hospital the last thing you should have to worry about is a relationship that you are not even happy with.. and i hope your mother is doing better.. best of luck..

He has problems you know nothing about, and do not know how to help him. Leave him alone, and stop trying to figure it out. Next time you meet someone, go slow and find out what you are getting into.

How can you be friends with someone who is constantly trying to manipulate you into getting what he wants?? I wouldn't want this person as a mate or a friend and neither should you. Let him know you can't continue with any sort of contact with him and you wish him all the best. Like Tal said, leave him completely alone. Don't have any sort of contact with him or he will manipulate you all over again into changing your mind.

He's actually being the cruel one here, remember that.

He has problems you know nothing about, and do not know how to help him. Leave him alone, and stop trying to figure it out. Next time you meet someone, go slow and find out what you are getting into.


I agree that I have no idea how to help him. And I was going to leave him alone. We talked 2 days ago and I told him if you want to be friends that's fine but that's all I can offer. He declined the friendship so I did not email him or anything. He called me yesterday saying that he read some stuff I wrote for myself and argued that it needed to be taken off. So I did it and he asked me to call him back later so I did because I couldn't talk right then and there. So we talked about everything and he still didn't understand anything but he agreed to friendship. After talking to him last night I hated the conversation. Which is why I came here to look for some unbiased views. I don't think we will ever have a healthy relationship and I do care about him. What is your advice on how to end it? And I didn't mean for us to go so fast. I told him from the beginning I felt it was going fast. He seemed to have all the answers and he said its because I'm going away. But he also said all of his relationships are like this and I am the type of person that analyzes everything. So I can't help trying to figure it out.

I will try to take your advice and I do appreciate it, but what are your ideas? Should I just stop talking to him althgouh he thinks were friends so that would be ty. Should I write him an email, though very inpersonal or should I just call him. The problem is if I call him and hear his voice my thoughts are often blocked at that moment and I can't take a firm action on my stance. And if I email him I know he will call and say I'm hiding behind an email. I need some new advice and direction. If you have time get back to me. Thank you very much.

You will have to take a stance and stick to it as he may have problems but has learned to manipulate people to get his way. Be unavailable and no emails or phone calls.