I would love some advice (guys and gals).

Briefly: My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me about a week ago. We were not fighting, so I was really caught off-guard. He has told me several times over the past 6 years that I am the one. Last week he told me that he can't be with me right now, telling me several times in the phone call that he loves me and misses me and can't imagine his life without me. The reasons he gave me for not being with me right now were that 1) we have been long-distance for the past 4 years (I finish grad school in one year) and he says he was having problems with the distance, and 2)that he is unhappy with his job and hates where he lives (NYC) and needs to make a change.

Needless to say I was/am very confused because he said the breakup had nothing to do with us and that he loves me and is scared, and did not want to hang up the phone.

I told him that I could not be friends with him so I said that we could not keep in contact anymore. He agreed that he could never just be friends with me either.

Then he asked if he could call me in a month. I was confused and asked why he would want to call if we both agreed that we couldn't be friends? But reluctantly I agreed. My question is why would he want to call me? I made it very clear that I could not just be friends with him and he agreed, so why call then? In addition he said just because he is calling me it does not mean that he wants to get back together so again why call?

I have not contacted him since and am trying to get back to being good on my own. I was wondering what your advice would be if he does call me in a month. Its tough because I still love him very much and we have been together for 6 years. Its hard to think that after all this time that he could no longer want to be with me.

I think those 4 years have taken there toll on him, and he wants to explore and find himself, but he wants the door left open just in case he doesn't. Or needs a friend.

For a proper healing though, you better find out fast if he is back to stay, or just looking for support through whatever he is going through, id he does call in a month.

In the meantime, do your thing, and do what you have to to make sure your own life is the way you want it. I doubt either of you are healed in a month, so hope for the best but plan for the worst but don't be his emotional crutch, until you can stand on your own. If he ain't in this to win it with you, let him do it on his own.

I generally advise No Contact, and no looking back, but I think you know how to handle yourself, so give him what he asked and just do your thing and hope he gets his act together, and protect yourself.

What he actually said was, I no longer want to make a commitment to you, but I want to leave the door open to sleep with you or even come back if the grass isn't greener on the other side. I would suggest severing contact. You need to look our for you own emotional well being since he clearly isn't concerned about it. That is difficult when a relationship is as long as yours has been, but do you really want to give anymore of yourself to a person who cares about their own selfish and childish needs more than your feelings?

I am not contacting him at all and accepting the break-up. But I would be lying if I still wasn't hoping for another chance or us. So should I not answer the phone when he calls and give up? If he says that he loves me and has for 6 years is there really no chance of him realizing what he lost and trying to work it out?

Sure there is a chance he may get some sanity, and be ready for what you want. That's why its important to leave it to him to miss you, and contact you, but its up to you not to fall for his flip flop, and catching you in the middle of his confusion. That's not fair, or productive is it.

When you can talk, don't let your feeling distract you from paying attention to what he is saying, and being a willing victim to false hope, or a hidden agenda. Keep it real through being very honest with him, and make sure he is honest with you. "I don't know" doesn't cut it, nor can you plan on it.

He may just be scared of after all the talk and waiting that a plan is about to grow into fruition, but only you can judge that.

Look he is in it to win it as you are, or what's the point?

If he does come back. You need to take him back on your terms. Use the time apart to develop yourself and grow.