We have an 11 yr old son & 13 yr old daughter. I've had custody for 10 yrs with my ex getting standard e/o/w visitation. He exercised his visits on a fairly regular basis, but also missed a lot of visits and important events. My kids and I became very close and have always had a great relationship. Sadly the same can't be said for their relationship with their dad. They basically hate him which breaks my heart because kids NEED BOTH parents. For 10 yrs they'd cry and beg not to have to go on the weekends. They were scared of him and hated being away from me. Of course I made them go for every single visit. Well, a few weeks ago, right before his weekend, my girl clung to me, cried, begged to run away so she didn't have to go. They left and 3 days later I was served papers stating my ex had gotten temp custody based on my 13 yr old deciding to live with him. I was shocked... this came out of nowhere. Unfortunately, my son was included in the temp orders since he's only 11 and the courts like to keep sibs together. I now get visitation, no child support and I'm completely clueless why this happened. My daughter won't talk during our visits... she's completely changed. My son cries and begs to stay. He has no idea what's going on either. Sorry for rambling, I'm just lost, scared for my babies and feel completely helpless. I have a wonderful atty but the whole process is moving so slow it's about to drive me nuts with all the stress. Thoughts? Advice?

You have to just let the court process wend its way.

My suspicion is that your daughter is striking back at you. You didn't protect her by forcing her to go so she figures you don't really care.

But the decision is up to a judge and a 13 yr old's preference will carry little weight.

Has your atty had a GAL appointed to find out what the children really want?

But I had to send my kids for visitation. It's the law. Both kids did speak to the judge. Son wants to come home, daughter doesn't. I think it's unfair to my little boy

...They left and 3 days later I was served papers stating my ex had gotten temp custody ...


But I had to send my kids for visitation. It's the law. Both kids did speak to the judge. Son wants to come home, daughter doesn't. I think it's unfair to my little boy

This story just doesn't click.

I mean, I suppose it's possible, but the following aspects of this story are really bizarre:

an ex parte (no notice to you before the hearing) change in custody order; and
the kids testifying at an emergency ex parte change hearing.

Even if you had been accused of horrible conduct, you should have been given notice before the hearing.

What was the stated rationale for making this decision while leaving you out of the loop?

I agree with AK, that I find it highly unlikely that a judge would issue a temporary change in custody based on a 13 yr old's wanting a change. So I suspect there has to be something more going on here.

And actually the law is generally that you have to make the children available to the NCP for his visitation. But you do not have to force the children to go.

There was no stated rationale. My kids were taken from me without my knowledge. A week later we had a hearing where the judge spoke with both my children. The judge suggested we work with our lawyers to come up with an agreement for the temp orders. Our situation is basically flipped now. Kids live with him I get visitation. We'll be visiting a parenting facilitator and a counselor. Who cares if it doesn't "click" for you... it's what happened. Why don't you try and have a little sympathy. Our lives have been turned upside down and my son and I especially, are struggling. What a jerk!

... Who cares if it doesn't "click" for you...it's what happened. Why don't you try and have a little sympathy. Our lives have been turned upside down and my son and I especially, are struggling. What a jerk!

I would have plenty of sympathy if I could believe your story.

On the off-chance that what you say happened actually did happen, I would have to guess that either

the judge and the ex's attorney were tripping on acid together;
the judge was bribed; or
the order is a forgery.


Consider applying to the appellate court for an emergency writ over-ruling this. It's plain error.

{Insults removed} Yes, this all happened exactly as stated. My current husband is an attorney for Christ's sake and he's in shock too. Granted, he's a tax lawyer not family law, but he's trying to help in any way possible. {Insults removed}

First, we have plenty of people coming on here and posting their side of the story. But there are two sides to every story. We have to take that into account when answering. That doesn't mean we don't have sympathy.

But the fact remains that what you are describing as having happened is rare. A judge is not likely to change custody without any reason. My suspicion based on what you are saying is the judge so some conflict and is trying to get the parents to work it out amicably.

Remember, you came here asking for our help and advice. We are trying to give you the best advice we can. That advice may not be what you want to hear but it will be the best advice we can offer.

I will warn you only once. This site does not tolerate personal attacks or insults.

Maybe what you described is what happened as far as you know, but maybe there is something going on you are not aware of. You say your attorney husband was shocked so why do you find it hard to understand that we, with our knowledge of the Family Law system, also find it hard to accept.