When I was 17 I was emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by a man I was in a relationship with. I'm 20 years old now, and only finally admitted to it for the first time over the past summer. My parents, Godmother, and longterm boyfriend are the only ones who know.

My mother urged me to see a counselor here on campus and I did for a month or two. However, she's on maternity leave now, and I find that I'm starting to feel like I did when I first admitted to it; I try not to think about it or talk about it, and I feel like I'm not sure if it actually happened, because I can't remember everything. What I DO remember, I doubt if it's is real or not, and I feel like even if it did happen, it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I'm embarrassed by it, and can't bring myself to use the "r" word when I talk about my situation. When they talk about abuse and sexual abuse in my classes, I tend to 'detach' and not remember what the prof said about it later. I'm feeling very confused about things, and it's effecting my current relationship, and my stress levels. On top of that, the man is trying to get in contact with me again.

Is it normal to feel this way? What's actually going on? What would be the best thing for me to do in my current situation?

Your counselor didn't refer you to someone else while she's on leave? If not, please start up with another counselor. That would be the best thing to do.

This act is an issue that many women who have been a victim in such a despicable crime are extremely uncomfortable discussing. Your mother's recommendation to see a counselor was a step not many victims take.. while it is the most crucial to your mental and emotional health. I am truly happy to hear you made that step. I would stress to continue counseling as long as you feel any abnormalities within yourself (how ever long you may need), including sessions following your gradual acceptance.

You must cognitively repeat to yourself that nothing about this situation is normal, meaning, however YOU feel in any of these situations you mentioned is NEVER wrong.. simply because there is no right/wrong feeling, it is the way YOU react and feel to these triggers that is correct. And along with honesty to yourself, loved ones who want to see nothing but your happiness deserve the honesty you share with yourself. Staying true and honest with yourself first and foremost is the most important thing you can do as it develops into your interactions with these triggers which ease the internal hindrance you have so traumatically experienced.

With much emotion and sincerity I urge you to remain strong and honest with yourself. Don't ever feel it is even a mere blemish in your character as a woman.

In terms of this scumbag, I would report to the authorities on your behalf immediately. This is how much of an initiative you must take in preventing any contact with this dog.. his mere presence jeopardizes your emotional well-being and that is far too important to gamble.

Yes, it is normal to feel the way you feel when you have experienced the things you have. Everyone deals with these things differently and the feelings you describe are fairly common. Most importantly you really need to find someone who will help you work through this in order that you can move on in life. Please explore your options and if you need help speak to your doctor for a referral.

The more you attempt to act like it didn't happen, the more you repress it and internalize it. The more you do that, the more detached and confused you will become.

Please work very hard at moving through the experience in order that you can be truly happy. It will be difficult at times, but it will be worth it in the end!

Hugs, Didi