Sorry for the length ahead of time.


Ok, so I met this girl back in April of 2010 right before my 25th birthday, she was 20. We started as friends and then we started to become more than "just friends." I then found out that she had a boyfriend and I was the other guy. I proceed to not flirt with her as much when we hung out, but then it got progressively harder and harder to hide what I was feeling for her. Then at one point she told me that she was falling for me and that she wasn't happy with her boyfriend. And of course I told her that I was starting to fall for her too. Our first kiss was me holding her in my arms on a bench in a state park she took me to to see if my youngest sister would like to go there, my sister is autistic and she used to work with autistic children. We proceeded to hang out and then we finally ended up sleeping together. I know what most people will say about that but sometimes you can't fight any longer what the heart wants. This is by the end of July now but then in the beginning of August she started to slowly become more distant for reasons I do not know but I can only guess she started not feel same about me anymore.

Then in September I was starting to feel really unhappy. Mainly because she always talked about how she was unhappy with him and that he isn't the same anymore but wouldn't do anything about seeing she was always happier with and around me. So finally mid September, a few days after her 21st birthday, I told her that our situation is not health and is unfair to me and him. I told her that the way she has been treating me is the same way someone from her past treated her. She asked me the typical "why do you love me?, what is so special about me?" etc... I answered all her questions and then said that she needs to figure out what she wants and if I fit into that plan. I said my goodbyes and her response was "whatever helps you coop with the situation"... what? Really? I didn't respond and felt it.

Four months go by and I hear nothing from her. Then a week before Christmas, I get a message from her saying "I miss you, I miss my best friend, I think about you everyday wanting to talk to you, etc... She asked me if we could be friends and that if she could she would change what happened so at least we could still be friends. I told her that her and I are beyond "just friends" and that I still loved her. So I told her that she needs to stop contacting me because every time I get something from her I get excited but then reality sets in and my heart drops. I gave my goodbyes and stopped responding to her messages.

I still get goodmorning texts from her the same why she used to about once or twice a week.

Then the night before Valentine's day I get an email from her telling me that she misses me and so on. I respond to this email because of a few things she said that need a response. She then proceeded to tell me that she never meant to make it feel as if she was using me to escape from her life but more that she would look so very much forward to seeing me at the weeks end. She said that I read her very well that is why she started to push me away, that she wanted to be friends and loved me way too much. So I told her that that is what I am afraid of. Afraid that if we were to become friends again that we will end up repeating everything and I will be left standing there again hurt.

I told her that I liked someone and that I still can't get her out of my head enough to see what this new girl might bring. I know her and how she reacts to other woman if on is interested in me, she would just get a little jealous. She never responded to me asking if she would be able to handle being friends with me and my dating someone, I knew I wouldn't get anything because she already knew I knew how she would react.

Her and I have so much in common that there isn't anything I can think of that we do not like doing together. My friends a family loved her and when I speak to my mother she still asks about her and talks about her.

As you can tell probably my thoughts become scrambled when I think about her and everything just comes at mixed up and all at once. There is a lot more I could tell you about her but I do not want to make this any longer than it already is.

So my question is what do I do with her?

It sounds like she is a user. If you want to be with her, let her know that it's on your terms. None of this being her "best friend" none of this being shady to her boy friend. It's not healthy.

Honestly I'd move on to another girl. She sounds flaky.

You have the right idea, leaving her alone, and not try to be friends, you just need to stick to it and keep her out of your life with NO contact whatsoever. Don't let her wear you down, and get sucked back into those intense feelings, you will never get over her that way, my friend.

You gave your heart to a cheater, and you have to take it back, so you can move on to something healthier.

It makes it a little easier knowing that I am on the right path with this situation. I just needed to hear it from someone else I guess.

Any other advice you could lead for me? She is by far the hardest person I have ever had to try and get over. I feel so weak against her and I know she knows it. One thing I did read about someone else problem that if she wanted me, loved me or missed me as much as she says she does. There wouldn't be anything that would stop her from being with me. She knows how I feel about her so the ball is in her court. It is her move and she is not making it or unsure.

To me I believe she has insecurity issues, which from her past that I know why she does. Abusive mother growing up, she is still not over someone from her past and so on.

She's playing you. She has a shell when she feels confident and independent, or has someone to distract her. The minute she's alone, she misses you, so she calls you up or writes to you to see if you feel the same way, because that makes her feel better.

Once you make her feel better, she realizes that she regained her independence.

She's playing the "I broke up with you, but can we be friends?" game. Step away. TOO many guys fall into that game.

Oh come on, you mother still talks about her? Your family and friends liked her? What do they say exactly, "hey what happened to that girl who used you for months, got your hopes up just to give you the let's be friends talk"?

Someone like her doesn't deserve a relationship. Nor your friendship. Even if you were her boyfriend, how comfortable would you be knowing she could do to you what she did to her last boyfriend?

How much you have in common doesn't matter because there's one thing you don't have in common, she is a cheater and you're not. That one is heavier than any movie, book, food or music taste. It's time to wake up!

Whatever her reasons are for not being with you, they still exists.

You're on the right track. She already knows how you feel, so the ball is definitely on her side of the court.

You're better off staying away from her, unless she wants the same thing as you.

You don't need to hold on to so much false hope as it's unhealthy for you.

Unfortunately, every time you break no contact, it's going to reset some of your progress and you'll continue to suffer. It's not an easy situation, but when you're ready to completely give up on her, then it's better to block her 100% out of your life so that you don't fall back into the black hole.

It's easy for us to tell you to give up on her, but you have to be ready to do that so that you don't regret your decision.