Of all days, Valentines had to be it. My girlfriend of two years ended up being arrested after I dropped her off back at her house. Why? She provided alcohol to minors, and had a warrant for her arrest for theft. I had absolutely know idea this had happened, or that she was like this. The next morning, I find that she is in jail, and her roommates had finally told me that she has been cheating on me for the last 4-5 months. I was shocked. I could not even believe that she had deceived me so well.

My problem is that even though I know she has been cheating on me, I still can't get over her. I want to call her, and see how she is doing. I am worried. I can't merge the girlfriend that I thought I knew for two years with the girlfriend I now know.

Once she found out that I knew about her cheating, she feels awful and all of that stuff. She knows that she was wrong. She MIGHT be truly remorseful and genuinely sorry. I'm not sure. I can't trust her anymore.

I don't know how I can stop thinking about her. I know I shouldn't go back to her, but it goes against every cell in my body. I did everything I could during our relationship to make her happy...

(Sorry for the length)

I think you need to look into No Contact: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/nc-rules-faqs-510423.html.

I think you are probably wise to walk away since it seems that she is not the person you thought she was. As remorseful as she may seem right now, she made the decision to cheat on you and her conscience didn't bother her until she knew she was caught. A drunk night would be one thing, but several months is a whole different deal. She knew full well what she was doing and the trust she was destroying.

You are going to hit low points and question your decision. It's normal. It's human. However, you can give yourself ways to smooth out those low points. Stay as active as you can mentally and physically. If you find yourself spiraling downward, do something to get your mind going in a different direction. Catch up with old friends. Make new ones. It won't be easy and it will take time, but it will be worth it to you to keep from going back and creating a cycle of on and off again because you don't trust her.

Thank you very much. While she was in jail, she wrote a lot consisting about how she would do anything to repair our relationship. Yet, when I confronted her about her roommates accusations, she lied until I told her I knew. So she isn't sorry for what she did, she is sorry for being caught.

I finally decided to get my family involved. She is longer welcome. Now I have to avoid sneaking around...

Thank you for the link. I'll try my best to follow it.

I also have the urge to do things just to make her jealous. Such as going on dates and flirting with girls again. Is this a bad thing?

Sorry guy but she has been deceiving you for two years, and that would have continued had events not brought them to light. Don't worry about her, and what she is feeling, but take good care of yourself now. That's what's most important.

You are in deep shock for now, and that will take a lot longer than just a few days to get over. It could take months, or years, before you get an understanding of what's going on with her. Forget reconciling, and I know this is one heckuva bad thing to go through, but I hope you have some family, and friends around to support you through this.


I also have the urge to do things just to make her jealous. Such as going on dates and flirting with girls again. Is this a bad thing?

This is very bad and makes you as evil and uncaring as she is. Forget it!!

One of the effects of No Contact is breaking yourself of the habit of thinking about the ex. Her wants, needs, likes, dislikes, opinions, etc. become history.

You do things because you want to not because you want to get back at your ex. I don't think you are the type who would consciously or unconsciously like the idea of using someone to get back at another person. Going out with someone to make the ex jealous would be doing just that. You don't want to allow your hurt and anger at her to make you do something that would hurt your self-respect. Your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Protect and strengthen it.

I don't recommend dating this soon, but getting out and distracting yourself-reminding yourself you can have fun-is a good idea. If you are a natural flirt, flirt, but do so because that is how you normally act.

Do Not allow yourself to use alcohol as a distraction or to hide from the pain. It only causes bigger problems.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

Thank you very very much. I'll do my best.
:D

Yeah, you are right. Thank you :]

Good luck and remember that we will still be here if you need or want more advice. :)

If you feel yourself wanting to contact her or do something you know is not a good idea, post here. We will bring you back to your senses.

Can I still go see Lady Gaga with her next month? Hahahhahaahah believe it or not, I want to go.

NO, get another date.

NO, get another date.


ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

I agree. NO!

Seriously, there are going to be other times that will tempt you to contact her. Call another friend instead. Don't give in to confusion.

Well, she has the tickets. She bought them over a year and a half ago..

Then let her get another date.

No concert is worth your health-mental or emotional.

Get out of it now. She's not worth it. Anyone who cheats is not worth your time. You're not married so move on and find someone else. Follow your instinct. Deep down u know what is right.